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Can't go on, but don't know how to end it.

CapitalT profile image
49 Replies

Life sucks and I wish there were an easy end, can't bear the mental pain any more.

50 paracetamol may dull the constant ache, but perhaps not forever.

Suggestions ??

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CapitalT profile image
CapitalT
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49 Replies
CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

They're beside me, took 10 in one hit the other day :-/

Epicjinx profile image
Epicjinx in reply toCapitalT

Did you take 50 yesterday? Please go to hospital. Your liver is in danger, please listen. I took only 30 went into liver failure, my whole life is screwed up. I can't eat as much, I'm in pain constantly. Paracetamol overdoes is horrible way to die! I tried it and I'm living in miserey I damaged my liver so much I could be gotten a liver transplant or death. I assume it's 500 mg? Please go to hospital It only takes a week or so for an agonizing death. Plus, once it's in your blood stream there's nothing you can do to stop it. I got treated on the 4th day I was only a few days away from death. I have so many symptoms that no one believes me about.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply toEpicjinx

Thank you for being so honest and sharing.

I went last time and they checked my blood, waited a few hours and was discharged after seeing psych people, now waiting for assessment, but WISH there was a quick and easy way to die :-/

Epicjinx profile image
Epicjinx in reply toCapitalT

Last time? Does that mean youve overdosed before? If you have no symptoms you are lucky.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply toEpicjinx

Seems one packet we can tolerate, bloods were fine, apparently, unless it was what they injected me with, they didn't say what it was.

Epicjinx profile image
Epicjinx in reply toCapitalT

Probably NAC - the antidote for the overdose.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

Would you like to privately message?

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply togogogirl

sent

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

I'm on that path, can't seem to break out of this brain fog despite antidepressants.

Feeling so lonely and alone, worthless, hopeless, and helpless, made a complete hash of recent years and only realised recently, now just want the pain to end.

Trying to stay positive and move forward, one step forward two steps back :-(

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

I feel that also- and today I left my counselor after she said that she was sick of me, and if I continued to talk she would walk out! And my MIL is dying-I have known this counselor for over two years. She has done some good- but has her priorities. No clue about depression and said that people have real problems in the world!

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Third change since april, Mertazipine for a few weeks, then sertraline, now ascitalpram from about 10 days ago.

Every day is a constant battle with motivation, sorting chores, life and death.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Yes, and mental health team, have an assessment next week, but feels a long way off.

GP put me on mertzipine, local MHT visted and changed to sertraline, Hospital psych put me on the ascitalipram, maybe just the change over, she said I may feel rough, but this is almost unbearable.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

I'm safe, for now, thanks. Took two last night and two this morning, seem to have constant headaches.

Takes me until mid morning / lunch time to get myself going, MUST try and get out for food :-/

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

No, been 'retired' for a few years, long story, one of many, which are contributing to my worries.

Bad decisions, limited finances forcing major life changes that are tough to cope with hence wanting 'an easy end'

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

Hey, I am not ending, but I am also old, have made some not so great decisions in life, and then again have some niceness also. Limited finances- hey I can relate. When I shared with the counselor she said tough, you deserved that if you made certain decisions years ago- can't help you. Then she said that I was annoying, and there were people who did everything right who had a tough time. When I apologized for being annoying, she just rolled her eyes.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply togogogirl

Mmm, sounds like you need to find another one.

For me it matters not how we got where we are but that we need help to cope with crawling back out again.

There are many triggers to mental health.

Fingers crossed for you.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

The same to you! I did understand that I can't fix things , but yes we need help. Yes, I do deserve consequences for some poor decisions .

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply togogogirl

Perhaps not a case of fixing things, but help in making ther best of a bad job. Thaat's what I'm struggling with, and getting my brain to a point where I have at least some self trust to ask the right questions of the right people,then heeding their advice.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

Are you talking about your job or life? Sorry- eyes over a certain age. Counselor scolded me like a child today and I am 66! Maybe I act like a child. At any rate, I called, and said that we would not be seeing each other anymore.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply togogogirl

Not worked for a while, had a dodgy back and thought I'd cope on medical retirement pension. I'm 59, so with you on the age thing.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

Sorry about that. My story is different. Some years back, my husband and I moved to a warmer climate. I felt very selfish, so I made us move back to where we are. Long story. I feel sick inside.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply togogogirl

If you think I am too stupid and selfish, I understand why you would not write back.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Not recently, had counselling over number over the years that seemed to help, but perhaps didn't bring out my main issues, never had counselling.

Waiting to be seen by MHT again, also to hear from local MIND.

Waiting is so HARD

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

I WILL, thank you and good luck. Think I need to get out for a while, if I can brave the front door :-/

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Faith and trust in myself is hard given past mistakes, which I KNOW we can't change.

Hopefully my mind will settle soon so I can ride triggers more easily.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

I know what you mean by having trust again. Besides my husband and dog, I have no one who cares about me nearby. I deserve what I got. Also, I know about not being able to fix mistakes or character flaws.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Time to test the traffic !!

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply toCapitalT

Damn, no big trucks or vehicles going fast enough :-(

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Options !! Things are REALLY bad !

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Yes. I talk a lot, does help :-)

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

They help me cope but can't resolve my problems :-/

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Willing to give it a go, thanks :-)

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Just found the pm button, thanks :-)

TheGentleGiant profile image
TheGentleGiant

Dodgyd, ending things is not the answer. Even though you might be in pain now it doesnt have to always be this way. There is help out there. Trust me I've been where you are and I've struggled with suicide for years and have tried twice. It will only leave a wake of devastation for family and friends and it doesn't have to be like this. Your life is precious and can get so much better I promise you! Get help, get to the root of your issues and be compassionate with yourself. Don't hold anything back in therapy. Therapy, medication and talking to people as well as reading about other people's struggles and support groups like this have saved my life. Life is so worth living and you matter, you are loved and thing's can and will get better but you have to get help. I'm here if you need to talk.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply toTheGentleGiant

Thanks TGG.

I keep going through my finances and things look tough to bleak, every tool or spreadsheet suggests a tight budget with savings needed, or income increased, neither seem a reality, hey ho.

No matter how I cut it I'm in trouble, so some VERY hard decisions to make.

TheGentleGiant profile image
TheGentleGiant in reply toCapitalT

I understand what your going through. I've really been at very low and desperate places. I've struggled financially and at one point lost everything, wife, kids, house, two cars, but like I said things can and will get better. The saying suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem is true. I've been through bankruptcy also but you can get through anything in life if you don't give up. If your feeling suicidal you need to go to emergency immediately!

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply toTheGentleGiant

Any tips to cope with the risk of loosing a home would be welcomed, seems I'm heading that way as I think it's the only way to settle my mortgage and release some cash.

Glad you're still here and are helping others.

Divorced years ago, seems I'd pretty much gone off the rails then only to realise recently.

Thanks Bud

hazyjane77 profile image
hazyjane77 in reply toCapitalT

Hi. Sorta new here, but read your message and thought I'd chime in. I'm not sure where you are located, but here in the US, there are protections for people with disabilities, including in the event a bank tries to take away your home for not being able to pay your mortgage, for example. Even if you're elsewhere, there may be a law that is comparable. Depression and anxiety can be considered a disability in specific circumstances, and that status may help in protecting you from losing your home. Good luck, and remember that things can turn around just as easily as when they go downhill. I really hope things start to look up for you soon 🙏

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply tohazyjane77

Thanks HJ77, self induced financial worries so little protection I'm afraid, years of mismanagement and only realised recently :-( Hey ho

I'm just hanging in here and hope someone can go through my finances with me to help decide on the difficult next steps.

Maybe I'll win the UK part of Euromillions Lottery tonight, YEAH RIGHT :-/ LOL

Windy101 profile image
Windy101

There are far worse things you could have done than anything to do with money. That is a problem you can solve and grow from, even if if means losing a house and scaling back to a much more simple life. This doesn't make you a bad person. Some of the wealthiest people out there are some of the worst.

Try to let yourself feel the warmth and comfort people here are sending you. They care and want you to keep breathing and to say alive! You can have a purpose for your life, and that purpose can be good.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Thanks Windy, your comment about 'some of the wealthiest people' made me smile and I DO agree.

Money is just one aspect but hey ho, everything is linked.

I guess I MUST have come through a health crisis for a reason, perhaps needed to learn a hard lesson to move forward from and to build a new life with more purpose, though it WILL be drastically different to what I've been used to, finding the change tough now.

I'm still here and clinging on with my fingernails that are all bar destroyed, they were beautiful a year ago :-/

Ddorne profile image
Ddorne

Praying for you, DodgeyD. I was in the hospital last year with suicidal thoughts. They truly helped me. It was the best place for me. All these financial things can change, please get a therapist.

LD

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Hoping it will come from a meeting next week, fingers.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT

Crossed

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl

Do you have a support group? Hey, I not only have the financials but also HUGE guilt.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply togogogirl

No support group, going through it alone. You ?

Mt brother is doing what he can.

The guilt and shame are the worst.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl in reply toCapitalT

Sounds like you have a nice brother. Mine is a couple of hundred miles away. We have a "surface " relationship. I only have my husband and dog, and guilt and shame.

CapitalT profile image
CapitalT in reply togogogirl

Took me ages to confide in him, needed a sounding box if nothing else.

My family relationships are fairly surface too, always felt different, again, issue with me I guess. Hey ho.

I'm sure there's ways forward, just a case of working things through.

gogogirl profile image
gogogirl

I can only confide in my husband. I confided fully to one therapist years back, and she slammed my arm in her door.

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