Where to start.
How about the beginning
I grew up with a father that drank and smoked. My mother keep us out of harm's way til he died at 42. The doctors told him to stop but he choose not to. It took me a long time to relize that he made his own choices.
After he died I was 14 and had the responsibility of taking care of the house and mom's car. I made good and bad choices growing up.
I moved to the mid west from
The east coast to marry my now ex wife we where married for sixteen years
And have two children with her I have been to mediation almost every two years because she wants more I pay child support and see my kids often. She chose to work 60 or more hours a week as a kindergarten teacher. And not do things like cooking cleaning laundry be a mom or wife. she only got paid for 40 hours. At the end I found that she was fooling around with the janitor.
Got involved with someone else after a few years but that's not worked out either.
I am tired of trying to make people happy and not appreciate what I bring to the relationship. Like the roof over thier head and loyalty I have for them. I would like some day for someone to appreciate me for me and be there everything.
My mom died a few years ago and that has sent me into a tail spin she spent her life taking care of others and I did not see after her second husband's death she gave up
She was hiding failing health
And living in a house that she didn't keep up. She died alone
I am so depressed and sad I miss her. And am afraid to get involved with anyone because of my failed relationships. I have so much emotional and life problems that it is not fair to involve some else. I have gone to therapy but with my new insurance I can't afford to go.
Not sure it was helping.
I feel like I am spiraling down and a part of me doesn't want to let that happen I have been to the dark side of me before and took alot for me to come out of it. Some days I don't want to get out of bed but know I have to work.