Life for me sucks, hurts, and makes me beg why me

[420Zippo]

Am depressed. Again. Drug resistant depression. No insurance and not wanting to endure ECT or TMS again as I have pseudotumor cerebri and don't want to do anymore zapping to my brain.

Suicide has been a thought but to live in hell for eternity isn't appealing as living 40 years with depression is hell enough.

No friends. No income. No where to go. Am tired and the sad part is no one will care if I die.

They have never cared. People have treated me bad enough for long enough.

I keep praying for help yet nothing comes. My mind is again on its own and I really want out.

All of my life I have fought this battle and haven't conquered it yet or even managed to do better.

I'm tired and remorseful for my sins and prayed for forgiveness. Some way some how I have to end this pain.

My only option is to go away and never look back.

God have mercy because I can't take anymore and I have tried.

[Lynl]

No no no no! Life does suck sometimes. And depression sucks , so does anxiety. But YOU ARE WORTH LIFE AND LIVING !! As far as friends I would suggest getting involved in a community anything, church groups have many nights people gather and you don't have to wear a halo to get in , they are real people with real problems. Some are called celebrate recovery, . Job and family services an get you housing , food cards, and medicade. There is help fir everyone and a good friend for everyone.

I just had a reality check from my husband and kids . I have extreme healthICD ANXIETY, snd I have put myself through many tests and hsd two biopsies today and the doc said everything looked promising and not to worry and I feel I ruined my family's life by worrying so much and crying all the time and they told me I need to stop because I'm not living quality like this and it's true so I need to trust in God. And so do you . You have to push yourself. You can do it

[420Zippo in reply to Lynl]

Lord I am so tired. No one can begin to know the loneliness and hurt I have inside. This is just too much

[Lauren125 in reply to 420Zippo]

I totally understand what you're feeling. I lost my job my house most of my friends and my marriage is falling apart because of my depression. I'm trying so hard to get help and treatment. I don't even know where to begin but happy I found this group. I'm here if you'd like to talk! I can totally relate.

[420Zippo in reply to Lauren125]

You know there has to be some way some how that this tormented spirit will go away and never come back.

I can't give up. No one else can or will take care of me better than I can. Is it hard? Yes but there has to be a silver lining to this cloud that is more valuable than gold