Being open is hard..

[jewlz17]

Even on my best days I don't feel like myself.

I'm always asked how I'm doing and I say fine with a smile on my face but it's only to avoid my feelings. There are times I just want to stop feeling and thinking and just be.

[noname2]

Hi I'm new to the group. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I've been suffering with depression for 20 years. "How are you" is a loaded question. When people ask that question I scream inside my head and sometimes imagine how they would react if I gave a true answer. I don't even know what feeling fine feels like. you are not alone. I am just like you.

[jewlz17 in reply to noname2]

I scream sometimes when I'm alone it helps a lil but I totally get you. Welcome to the group

[20Voices in reply to noname2]

It is such a loaded question and the shocked look you get when you actually do say "I am not fine today and don't want to be here" would have you splitting your sides with laughter if you didn't so rotten.

My question to myself always was "How can I tell you how I am if I don't even know myself".

So I found I had to practice being honest with myself as to how I felt. The psychologist I had gave me a really good diary sheet on which I didn't even need to write anything. I just had to tick the boxes as to how I felt. After doing that for a while. She got me keeping a daily diary of how I was that day and also any questions, thoughts opinions I felt I had to write done. Along with what I had managed to do that day.

The only rule I had to follow was be honest. I wrote at the top of the sheets "If you can't be honest don't fill the sheet in". She also didn't want to see my sheets or my diary unless I wanted to show them to her, but she did ask how I was getting on with using them. Again the rule was to be honest. No point in lying to myself because I would not get better that way.

jewlz17, I bought I cheap inflatable punch tower and used to thump it when I felt really frustrated. I had to buy it because before I had it , I either had to break a dish or hurt myself and I got fed up hurting myself. I was really stupid taking my frustration out on myself, but it was how I felt at the time.

If anyone would like to see the daily sheet I filled in send me a pm and I will look it out for you.

[20Voices in reply to 20Voices]

In fact if you do a web search for daily feelings chart there are plenty on the web. Doesn't matter or mean anything about a lot of them being for child behaviour if it works for you then it is good.

Still pm me if you want to know more about the one I used.