My anxiety stops me from being creati... - Anxiety and Depre...

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My anxiety stops me from being creative and be open about it.

CozyOctober profile image

Okay, so, I'm pretty basic when it comes to my anxiety and depression. Something happens, I get anxious, something new happens, I get anxious, I fail at something, which happens a lot, I get depressed and be hard on myself and get all overly dramatic about it, cry for days. I'm a pretty creative person. Mostly, I cook, I'm not one of those master chefs, but i do have a degree in the culinary arts and I've written my own version of classics in the asian and Filipino cuisine. I also have creative ideas for kitchen organizations and cute living room and kitchen decors. I've always liked the idea of creating a youtube channel on food tutorials for filipino foods and other stuff. With the help of my boyfriend, i created a little set in my dining room with a little cute kitchen island and single portable gas burner in our small condo. However, after my first video, i didn't like how it turned out, I haven't been able to make another video. I've been so discouraged because of my anxiety and how it's gonna turn out if I actually post the videos. Right now, i could do record it on my phone, but I keep teling myself I need to save money for a digital camera so it's easier for me to record myself with 2 cameras. That's half true, the other truth is, I'm scared out of my wits. Im not much of a shy person, but once my anxiety kicks in, everything all goes downhill from there and I end up looking stupid. I'm so afraid of putting myself out there and getting rejected. I really want to do this because in my heart I really do believe that people will find my recipes or re-created recipes easy to follow even for the most beginners and help them find things or alternatives they thought could never find any regular grocery stores. Once again, my anxiety amd depression gets in the way. Any advice?

14 Replies

Well Aunty, I am happy to meet you. You have some wonderful ideas. Maybe you could post a pic of something you've made or of your decorated area. I think a lot of us would be interested. You sound like a perfectionist to me and you would probably rather not do anything at all than to do something badly. As an artist and teacher I can tell you almost no one is successful the first time they try something. Doing a video is a combination of several things. Your appearance, how you communicate, Your cooking skills, your presentation. There is also your filming ability and processing.So that's a lot to tackle and I've probably left some out. Now, I am not discouraging you , but I'm wondering if you could start a little simpler? A blog, a page on social media , a podcast where you have a guest and interview them about their cooking skills. Now ,I'm not suggesting anymore to you because this is sounding pretty interesting to me. If you ever do a podcast I'll be a guest. Don't let your dream go. Pam

Thank you for that little bit of discouraging statement. You're probably right, I probably would not want to do this anyway, rather than do anything about it. I'll just give it up. Thanks again

Oh my, I didn't mean to discourage you. I was trying to be honest with you. I am very sorry if it sounded negative to you. Part of being in a creative profession is the criticism that comes with the territory and learning not to take it personally.

I'm good with criticism, what you did was assume. You assumed i didn't do all of the preparations, set up my stage kitchen, wrote my recipes, get my lighting and did recipe testings over and over again so i can get it right and researched multiple video editing software and also my boyfriend, whose been very supportive, is in stage production, helped me with picking my light and more, and did an actual video, like I said on my statement. But yeah, you're probably right, i would probably wouldn't want to do all that when I already did.

"You sound like a perfectionist to me and you would probably rather not do anything at all than to do something badly." Says you.

Assuming people are lazy instead of being scared is probably not something you should do around here.

Maybe someone else can be of help to you.

👍🤣🤣🤣

i think sweetiepie was encouraging you. Her last line was don't give up your dream.

I can relate to the perfectionist statement. We do want things to be perfect. Sometimes we let them go because our anxiety tells us things won't come out like we want them to.

I think your idea is great, it's your passion. Anxiety su***. It takes over and scares us. How have your shoots come out so far? Are you able to get wrapped up in the the video once you start? And lose the anxiety?

Can these videos be pieced together once they are shot? Like editing? Take the parts you like and put them together? I don't know anything about the process so just trying to think of ways to make it work.

I hope you can make it happen. I think once you get going you will do great. People love to watch cooking being done.

Best of luck

Yeah, well, i don't like being called lazy when that's the opposite of what I am. Sweetiepye, made an attempt to call me that, that didn't sit right with me.

Honestly, i have the video edited and pieced together and its done, just sitting in my jump drive, safe and secured. My boyfriend and a couple of friends saw at it and said it's cute and very informative amd told me to post it but I'm just too scared. My best friend suggested to re do it but add something different, something I think is missing (there's a lot missing). I'm picking up the courage to do that. Setting up my set took me days to accomplish, recording the video to me a half a day and the other half editing and than at least another couple hours the next morning to do last minute editing. All that is not easy since I work full time. But I find myself enjoying my video recordings. I feel so worthless sometimes!! It's hard not to feel scared all the time, but I'm scared everyday, even over small things.

in reply to CozyOctober

That’s the difficulty isn’t it? Not feeling able to take the leap of faith. You’ve got a super idea for food tutorials. You’ve done the work. Call your fears excitement and jump.

You are one of the lucky ones...passionate about your work...not forgetting you are qualified and it sounds like you got flair too.

Other people have looked at it and liked it. Sometimes we are so critical of ourselves when we are scared.

Mayb have a couple other people look at it?

Sometimes we just have to " hit the send button" and cross our fingers.

I hope you find a way to do this for yourself. Once you do it will take away some of those scared feelings. Each time you do a shoot it will get easier and you will build confidence.

I hope you do it:) I would love to see it. God knows I need a lot of help in the kitchen:)

When you say anxious you mean "my heartrate goes through the roof, I lose control of my mind and need to be administered drugs and/or hospitalized"? Or you mean "I feel unsure of my skills to do this"?

Because the latter is something you get over by doing the thing. And doing more than once to be sure you got over.

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I mean I too did creative thing, for example tehater acting. I too felt fucking terrified on stage and I think I screwed up a lot, but as we did it more and more, you get accustomed to it.

So.. being unsure means you need to "grow a pair". .. do Biggest winners are the biggest losers, they just tried again more than other.

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In short - just do it. Stop thinking about it.

Idk, maybe a little of both?? Lol i do need to grow a pair. It's funny, I'm a person to give thst kind of advicd, but when it happens to me, I can seem to take my own advice. Lol

youtube.com/watch?v=OD3F7J2...

I had to put together some videos for our work website a few years back. Editing was less complex then. We just threw it into a DVD editor program. But at first we just had one of those Flip cameras, before GoPros. I literally would prop the thing up on a shelf at such-and-such angle and then use pliers to hold it in place. Eventually we graduated to a better system with HD cameras, real tripods and better software, and it showed. However the first videos weren't bad. They served their purpose and allowed us to learn rather than just jump in and hope.

I'm the same way in perfectionism. I get started on a project and if it doesn't come out perfect the first time I want to just scrap it and never touch it again. But we have to remember that perfection doesn't just happen, it takes practice. And it's not even a waste of time if your first videos don't turn out well. If it's something you truly want to do and will benefit from, you'll have the drive to keep improving.

If you don't, maybe its just a phase. That's okay, too. I went through on of wanting to put QR codes on everything to scan and see maintenance records. Bought the little printer and everything. Sits gathering dust now. It was just something I needed to try out and once I did I saw that I didn't really need it. If I were more proactive I'd sell the little printer.

Creativity is an energy within us, and it requires a source or drive. If the drive isn't there behind a project, then it's usually a phase, or something we just need to "dip our toe into" to test the waters and SEE if we like it. If we don't, no sweat! If we do, there's a great new Diversion to keep our minds in a better space.

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