I am completely alone with my depression as a result of isolation myself. Well,it worked. But now I am so lonely and my depression got worse

[Vmarchant]

I'm tired of telling my story and not getting anything out of it but sympathetic yawns. I have been severely depressed this summer. I have acquaintances and family but they don't see or don't care. I'm in therapy, read self help Android apps., and try to exercise, but the enormity of the pain I feel inside has left me completely numb. How can a person not want to be here if they are already dead inside. I don't beleive I will ever overcome my depression. It's been 20 years in the hole so my Outlook is bleak. I am afraid I may have developed anhedonia. Thanks for reading my post.

[Justswimming]

I'm sorry to hear you feel so bad. I know what its like I'm not sure what the condition you think.you have is...I've been taking meds for long time with only partial relief ...I'm think of trying the I stem which sends small amounts of electrical current into your brain. And yes people do not want to hear your depressed. So if you want to talk sometime I'm here. Feel better.

[Hidden]

Go discover new things that you have never done before. there you will find something that might make you happy again. Your life is a big adventure and you have to keep taking steps to discover what it is all about.

Don't stand still, keep moving and searching, you will find something that will make you happy.

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador]

Hey and welcome Vmarchant Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. However people here can truly relate and truly want to help in any way that they can. This is a wonderful community full of great like minded people!

[Imtrying713]

I understand and share your exact feeling. I have had severe depression since as long as I can remember, at minimum over 20 years and before my teens. I went for help once in my late 20s and was immediately diagnosed and given meds. They made me so sick that I threw them away and instead suffered on because I had children to take of and never took care of myself. Two years ago I hit rock bottom even though nothing really had changed in my life. I could barely find the energy to get up every day. I was so exhausted and all I did was sit in front of the TV AL day. My body felt like I had weights holding me down. I would make plans in my head of everything I was going to do the next day but never had the energy to do it. I finally went to a therapist for help. She told me she would help me but that I was so severe I would need med's at least for a short time. After sometimes 2 and 3 appointments weekly and a few adjustments the meds finally began to help. For the first time in my life I felt a sense of hope and at the least my suicidal feelings were gone. It all lasted for a while and after a year I stopped making time for therapy because I was out doing things and I had stayed on the meds. Well it's been 7 months and I am in an awful place. Because I now have a job, I am only able to stay in the chair all days on the weekends but mentally I am right back where I used to be but at least now I know there is hope. I just have to find the energy or will to call my therapist for help or my doctor for a possible med adjustment. But I have been trying to do that for months and feel even worse that I haven't because I know my condition affect's the whole family. It doesn't help much that my husband doesn't believe in mental illness and thinks I should just shake these feelings off.

[Veg_Gal]

I have to say I can't imagine the pain you're going through but I've been in places myself, questioning what is the purpose of living. Everything seemed so surfaced as far as others sympathy and technical advice. According to what I believe, we as humans need more than techniques and need something deeper. That we are designed a mind and a heart. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What are you really wanting deep down inside? That will influence your outlook on life. Now if it's just the chemical imbalance, I suppose that would need to be dealt with accordingly for your well being. I hope you find the truth for your self th at will help you keep going for a reason.

[Vmarchant in reply to Veg_Gal]

Thank you so much for your honesty and for being so straight forward. You are right, but how many people out there that I would be working with, or going to school with really care how, or what I am feeling and what is important to me. It's all about looks, clothes, staying ahead at work, getting good grades in school. Instructors don't care if you are having a bad day. To me it seems like there are no time outs. It's go go go or fall behind financially and emotionally. I probably seem pessimistic but it's first hand experience. How superficial people can be. It hurts and honestly I feel like I have no desire to participate in society. I don't want to act or conform to other people's standards and rules. I've been kicked out of in crowds and even they didn't fully like or trust one another. Thank you for replying. Take care

[Veg_Gal in reply to Vmarchant]

That's definitely not what life is about. I have found the truth through Jesus, there is the authentic and understanding of why I live is in Him. You have to find the truth on your own. You're very smart and see through the superficial world we live in. You take care, please feel free to message me if you need someone.