Anxiety is ruining my life

[baretrees]

I'm tired of feeling anxious. I've been in treatment for 3 years and I feel like I will never get my normal self back. I think I mostly have PTSD from dealing with my child's chronic illness. She is in remission right now but every little illness or symptom makes me think she's getting sick again. Also my oldest is in college and suffering from depression. I worry constantly about all of my kids and don't know how to let go of them a little. I know it doesn't help any of us for me to be constantly worried and anxious about them but I can't turn it off. I wake up anxious every morning. I don't think I can stand this much longer! I wouldn't end my life because my family needs me. I just wish I knew whether I will get better.

[Msheatherlady]

I understand where you are coming from. I've been through treatment on and off for about 4 years now and i'll get these peaks of hope that things will get better and then I go back down again. I don't have children that I worry about, for me it's my grandparents that I live with. They are basically like my parents and I've very close with them and with them having health issues I worry a lot about them. I wake up anxious most mornings and it's a struggle, it's too a point where sometimes I will go to bed worried that i'll wake up anxious. I would never try to end my life, but it's difficult sometimes. Sending some positive vibes your way and I hope things get better for you.

[baretrees in reply to Msheatherlady]

Thank you msheathermajick. It means a lot to have positive vibes coming my way. I wish you the best as well.

[Vmarchant]

I realized I had no life at all when my kids grew up and didn't need me anymore. I didn't realize that my role in life was a mom. Nothing else. I had no hobbies, no friends, no husband. When that day came my depression started. It had been bad before but this was a different depression. Now because I don't have a choice, I can't even worry about my kids. They are too independent and I feel no longer needed. It makes me feel like I do not have a identity. Very lonely and lost. Now I have to find things to do even though I really don't want to and my thoughts are with my kids. Don't be sad. You aren't alone. When you are able to laugh from the inside and your kids aren't around then your journey will have been worth it. I write down my worries and then re-read them the following day and I feel like I am so down on myself. My worries often are unrealistic. Try staying in the "now", not the past or future and get plenty of sleep. Does wonders. Good luck.

[baretrees in reply to Vmarchant]

I totally understand what you're saying. I do think a lot of my anxiety is related to not knowing who I am now that my kids are getting older. I'm going back to college and focusing on my physical activity and health, and trying to decide who I want to be. But I also worry that my kids are all going to suffer mental illness or other health conditions. I tell myself there's no sense worrying about what "might" happen and that I should live day by day. But my kids have suffered enough already and even when they're well I'm always afraid for them. I suffered a lot of loss and pain and my parents had a brutal divorce when I was a teenager. I try so hard to isolate them from any pain. I guess that's impossible. I need to find ways to help them through difficult experiences without setting off my own anxieties.