Trauma Has Ruined My Life

[mvillarreal]

I honestly am sick and tired of this! Everyday, there's a trigger here and a trigger there. To be honest, while I feel called to be a UU minister, I wish I didn't have to. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything anymore. I go on Facebook; there's a trigger. I talk to my friends; I get triggered. I go to class; I get triggered. Everything was going fine until seminary brought up all the spiritual trauma from my past, and now I'm stuck in 2010-2012, and it feels like I'll be stuck there forever. Normally, I feel like a survivor, like I can overcome whatever difficulties I go through, but right now, I feel like a victim. I feel like everything will be like this for the rest of my life. Even if it does get better, I feel like it will always suck. Right now, I just want to go to a mental hospital and stew for the rest of my life. I always think this will lead to something better, but it just feels like crap. And I'm starting to hate myself too.

[11112020]

I am so sorry <3

[AnxM]

I hear you. It's a never-ending struggle.

I can give you the advice that I know in my head but can't quite manage in real life: focus on the present moment - one breath at a time.

[Notknitting]

I'm sorry for all the triggers... I can relate. Do you feel like you can call someone on The Crisis Line?

You may feel stuck today, yet remember how far you have come.

******Hugs******

[DJB74]

Im sorry to hear this. I have fought all my life to be happy. Ive made it through. You do not just want to waste your life. I was a Pastor. Remember Elijah. He was giving up because hes not alone. You are not alone. Im here to listen and share if youd like.

[Hidden]

Sigh...I know and I am so sorry! I do know one think that you may not have realized. You said that sometimes you feel like a survivor, however you are a victim as well. Feeling like a survivor at times means you do see light at the end of that dark tunnel sometimes. I feel the fighter in you and you need to continue to fight so the light in the tunnel will get bigger and bigger. Never hate yourself for something that you could not control just don’t let it and or them win!💕

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

Well said

[FearIsALiar]

You will not be like this your whole life. It gets better! Try and focus on the positives. I try and make a list of 3 positives in each day.

Sorry you’ve been dealing with this but please know you can get through it.

[mvillarreal in reply to FearIsALiar]

But it’s been 10 years! I should be over it by now!!!