How do I get help...

[Anrain]

The anxiety and embarrassment to get help... when I think about talking to a therapist... i think about how I would break down and possibly have a panic attack for telling them everything that I am ashamed of and my life... even me typing this out makes me think of everything I block out so I'm not a constant mess. But their are nights where I completely break down and cry and scream, I'm tired of those nights... I want help so badly but I can't do it. I can't tell me family. This is a secret that I've kept inside for years... I just hope one day I don't break and explode.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Anrain,

Thank you for opening up to us on the blog. This is the first big step.

The go to person that probably knows you well and understands mental health issues is your doctor.

You can talk in confidence to the doctor. Even if you really don't know what to say, you could print out the blog and show him/her as the starting point. Just ask for a long appointment to get the conversation started.

From experience, the first time for anything anxiety is the worst and it usually never turns out as badly as you expect.

If you can use Dr Google, you can find tips on "having a difficult conversation" and "disclosing mental illness to family" plus "first appointment with doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist"

If you have any thought or questions, don't feel embarrassed to ask. We are here to help.

Hoping this helps you

[figgs in reply to blackcat64013]

Hello I went to a therapist for six months .Initaly I was scared stiff but when I got there I was allowed to take my daughter into her room .She was lovely and put me at ease straight away it cost me roughly £500 in all but it was well worth it.

[Sandia]

Hello! I also felt the same way about talking to a therapist, but I went and it's not as bad as I think we can make it. You don't have to tell them everything at once, start slow and allow yourself to build trust with this person first and maybe after that you will feel like you can open up and release all that you need too.

[DragonTears]

Hi Anrain, you are very brave to open up to us. Sometimes it can be easier to write things down. When I first went to the doctor years ago, it felt so weird. You sit there in the bright lights of the waiting room, the strange smells and magazines. It all looks so clinical and clean. People are glancing at you as if they are trying to figure out what's wrong with you, why are your there, you look normal. I felt so out of place and by the time I was called in to the doctor's I was so ready to leave. I open the door to his room and he smiles and says "hi there, how are you?" and I go "yeah good thanks"...eeehhh...like not really I am here because I am on the verge of a frikkin' breakdown. But it is all so pleasant and nice and bright and organised. "So how can I help you today?" he says with a smile and I just choke. How do you even start? how do I say "yes well you see doctor, I broke down in hysterical crying fits yesterday and cut my arms in order to punish myself for the waste of space i am and a fat failure in life"...I just said "well, I have been feeling a bit down lately and I think it is not normal". He asks "why do you think that is?". At this question my mind is racing and flickering through all the events in my life, all the pressure, the family issues, the horrible school years, the weight gain, the bullying, years and years of hating myself. I only say "I am not sure, maybe there are just a lot of things catching up with me". Anyway the conversation goes on to my symptoms and behaviour. he needs to know if I have suicidal thoughts and if i think of harming myself and/or others. They have to ask this. Just be honest. I started crying and he gave me tissues and said let's try and deal with this. He prescribed me sertraline and booked me in for a follow up meeting 2 weeks later. I got a referral to the local mental health clinic and an emergency number to call should i need to talk to someone before doing anything dangerous.

All I wanted to illustrate with my reply, is that yes it is awkward at first and you may feel really weird about going. But the GPs have heard it all before, they can handle it. They expect you to be wary and insecure. You just tell them honestly, tell them you are not yourself and you feel sad/angry/scared or what it is you are feeling. You cannot function normally and it is impacting your health, your life, your work your social relationships and so on. They will catch you and even if you have a cry or a full on panic attack, they know how to handle it. You will not be the first nor last one to get emotional at the docs. You will be fine! Write down a list of your symptoms, sleep patterns, eating habits (especially if they have changed) triggers, if you know them. write down if you do self-harm (just so you don't bottle it once in the docs room) write down how the anxiety is affecting you and what it is keeping you from doing. You can even hand the list over to the doc before you even start and just say "here, I wrote stuff down because i don't trust myself to say it all" then you can go through the list together. I did this and it worked great. let us know how it goes! Big hugs Xx

[Hidden]

Hi great advice from the others, especially DragonTears, so can't add anything except that mental health is the second most common reason for doctors visits.

There is no reason for shame as it's not your fault and it isn't a weakness in you. Depression is an illness which requires treatment the same as any other. Well done for coming in here and talking to us. More hugs. xx

[Hidden]

The advice from everyone is spot on. The only thing I can add is some counselors are trained in EMDR which helps people get through traumatic events. It's painless and while it doesn't remove the memory, it does "soften" it. It no longer causes that event to trigger the fear and pain.

Don't feel like you have to be ashamed. Anxiety and depression are illnesses as common as the flu. Therapists and doctors have heard it all and are there to help you, not judge you. You're in my thoughts. I hope you find relief soon.

[Stopmycrazy]

My daughter would not be alive if not for her therapist.

[Bingh]

Therapists are used to people breaking down in their office, especially the first visit because we have been holding everything in for so long. That's why they have their box of tissues ready to hand to you!! My therapists over the years have seen a LOT of my crying. But I'll tell you what: That release in the safe presence of a therapist is the start of your opening up and healing.