Way beyond sadness

[catjnr]

I'm writing here because I can't go to bed with it alone in my mind. I'm going to bed deciding tonight that I'm not going to make it my last day. I go through this everyday when I wake up, and when I go to bed. Does anyone else have this experience? I'm literally putting one foot in front of the other, and feel not joy, no happiness; no feeling but feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair. I'm exhausted by these emotions. So, so tired..I'm tired of fighting this battle everyday. I'm tired of "being", of "existing"

[Marquis784]

Oh yes I do know that feeling. I'm sure most of the people here have had that lingering thought. You trudge through each day because you don't really want to die. It's the depression which has taken hold and clouded your perception. Talking about it will help.

Do you have a therapist and/or doctor? Are you on medication for depression? Are you able to sleep? Do you have any supports like family or friends?

The emotions can be very exhausting! It is something that requires you to fight and you can't do it alone. I have found that talking about issues has helped tremendously with antidepressants. My perspective changes greatly when the depression clears.....my issues are the same but my ability to cope with them is more reasonable.

Good luck! Keep in touch.

[jpsmith]

I'm in the same boat. I struggle through every moment of every day and it is so painful. I have a desire to be happy but I'm just miserable. I don't know how long I can go on like this. I want so much more for my life but right now I can hardly do anything. I would like to keep talking about it with you because it seems to help to talk about it with someone who gets it. My name is JP.

[catjnr in reply to jpsmith]

That would be great if we can keep talking

[Adelaydachic]

Why are you sad?

[jpsmith in reply to Adelaydachic]

I don't know the reason why I'm sad but I just am

[catjnr in reply to Adelaydachic]

I'm depressed. Been fighting it for 31 years. I'm moving away from my place of 23 years and leaving neighbors who are my family

[Marquis784]

I don't think anyone wants to feel depressed and hopeless. Who would choose that over happiness? When depression sets in and drags you down it clouds the brain and makes everything appear impossible! People who have never been clinically depressed have no idea how debilitating it can be. Talking about things can help if you talk with someone who understands like a therapist. It's easy for someone else to say...look at the bright side.....some people have it worse.....none of that is comforting or supportive to a depressed person. The last thing a person needs is to feel guilty for not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It takes time and patience. Once the fog clears you will see your situation with a new perspective and new coping strategies. When that happens you will be in a better place to make decisions.

Best wishes!

[Imtrying713]

I completely understand. It gets so heavy, it's so exhausting. Sometimes it's even hard to breathe. The only reason I haven't given up has always been my kids. Luckily my love for them has always been just enough even though at tmes my guilt for feeling what a bad mom I am because I can'tell find the energy to get up and do anything with them also consumes me. I do know there is hope. I have suffered with depression, ptsd and anxiety for over 20 years before I could go for help. Therapy, medications and life changes helped me a lot for a while but unfortunately not having a good support system of friends and family has caused things to turn pretty bad again. People just don't understand these feelings are not something we can shake off and we are definitely not choosing to feel this way. If you ever need someone to talk to who gets it, I'm here!

[catjnr in reply to Imtrying713]

Thank you. It would be great to talk

[Hidden in reply to Imtrying713]

I feel the same way @Imtrying713... it's like you described my life. Thank you for this comment. It helps knowing we are not alone with these feelings. My kids too are the reason why I push through but still struggle immensely. Thank you again for posting this. Blessings to you and your babies, take care -VS

[Hidden]

I know all those feelings all to well, lastnight I felt the exact same way, tired just plain tired. But then I woke up and gave thanks to God for another day to be with my family to love to fight for this life...even though we struggle I struggle and sometimes I think yes its unbearable I can't take no more... but I can and I will make it and push through. Not only for myself/ourselves but for the people who love us. We are stronger than we think. We are here for a reason, God's reasons. If you don't believe in God, there is still a reason you are and have to keep pushing through, fighting and moving forward. Peace, love, strength to you and us all in this struggle. 💕 You are strong and will push through. - VS

[catjnr in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Hidden in reply to catjnr]

You're very welcome, I'm here if you ever need a friend who understands and knows exactly what you're going through. Many blessings you're way...take care 💕

[catjnr in reply to Hidden]

That would be great to talk

[Windy101]

If you are serious about it being your last day, have a plan and intend to follow through, I urge you to give life another chance and get yourself to a hospital. Please stay alive - you don't want to cause that kind of pain to others, and there is so much good in life you will miss out on.

[catjnr]

Kids and grandchildren. My kids are adults. My grandkids are not in s place where I can see them because they're in foster care. I have a job I like so that's a positive. A few supportive friends. But I'm moving away from my neighbors who are my family

[Blabla4joy]

I'm with you. Every night I can't sleep. My dread is getting up in the morning. I hurt all over. Feel like I can hardly walk In so stiff. I feel so much tension when trying to sleep I can't relax. Especially my legs. They hurt but find myself tensing them like if I'm holding onto something with every muscle I got. My back is stiff all the time and hurts. Can't sleep until I wear myself out but have no energy. I wear myself out tensing up. Can't stop it. Don't know how. My jaws stay clinched. My mind won't stop thinking. So tired when I get off work all I can do is lay around on couch eat and watch TV. I use to read a lot but can't even get interested in that anymore. Don't even want to be bothered by anyone. So much I want to do but haven't the energy. Not enough time or energy in my day to get anything done. My house is like a tornado came through and don't even know where to begin to straighten it up much less clean it. If I get one room started I can never finish it much less ever get to the next before it's back like it was. My shift changes daily at work I can't get on a schedule. Don't even know how long I can keep this up. All day today I was so tired at work all I wanted to do was get through it and get home and go to sleep. It's 1am. I'm still awake feeling exhausted. My kids and my granddaughter, mom and dad are the only reason I'm still hanging on. Can't see my parents too far away. My ex kept me from them 22 years and now my job keeps me from them. If I move near them my kids and granddaughter will be too far away. There is so much more I won't add right now. I'm on 200 mg sertraline. Diagnosed with MDD. I just can't see how talk therapy is going to help at all. Suppose to start that 9/8/17. Can someone tell me it will help. A big problem I have is money. So many repairs are needed on my house (trailor) my car. Washing machine needs replacing. Quit yesterday. It's always always something. Rent the lot. Can't move it. That cost money. It's not even worth it. I feel like I need someone to take care of me. I raised my kids. I kept everything clean. Now I don't know how anymore. My whole life is falling apart. I'm sorry I can't see any light either. I know we all are full of anxiety or we wouldn't be here. I have knowone who understands this but you all. Please forgive me for not being positive tonight. Fixing to have a colonospy done in a couple days and very apprehensive about it. I know the prep is going to be hell.

[catjnr in reply to Blabla4joy]

Hugs to you

[Bekay]

Yes,but sleep in a comfortable bed ,that's positive.