So tired of being me

[kayarell]

I'm 23 years old and I'm suffering from severe anxiety and clinical depression disorders. I have been this way for almost five years, some being better than others. I have racked up thousands of dollars in hospital bills to have them tell me what I already know .. I'm fine. My mind has been my biggest enemy, fear, doubt, and even savior.

I fear death greatly and the thought is constantly on my mind. I'm afraid that my heart is going to give out, or no one will be around to save me if something happens. To everyone else, I'm this healthy, happy girl. To myself, I'm sick mentally and physically. There has to be something wrong with me and the things that I feel, right?

No, not exactly. My mind has complete control over my life and everyday it gets a little bit stronger with taking over my every being

I just want to live again. I want to be happy again. I don't want to have to be drinking a beer at 8 in the morning to help supress my anxiety or the Xanax that I can't go anywhere without, because I'm too paranoid that I will have a panic attack.

Sometimes, I wish whatever bad thing that would happen, would just happen so I wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

I'm just so tired of being me.

[Hidden]

Do u have any friends or family u trust... u should tell someone. I usually don't take my own advice, but i decided to tell my mother after my second suicide attempt.

[senochs2]

I wish I could help but I'm in the same state of mind as you. One thing I can say temporarily helps me is talking with someone you trust and just cry. You say your scared, so think about the fears and cry.