Break up

[Lola1304]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and a month ago we had a argument and he told me he was not sure if we can be together. He said he wants to but he doesn't know if we can. He asked me for some time but we lived together so the break was imposible, I asked him nearly everyday if he had a answer and he really could not think. I left our flat and he is still thinking, but I can not handle this situation. I love him and I want to be with him but the doubts and the waiting is killing me I am so much anxiety, I can not sleep or eat and I can not enjoy anything.

[Sunflowerxxxxxx]

It is unfair of him to keep you hanging on like this all this time, i think its time to for you to make the decision for you both and walk away

[Lola1304 in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx]

I know... And I wish I can but I really love him and I want to be with him so I accepted to wait. The problem is the waiting is being horrible

[Sunflowerxxxxxx in reply to Lola1304]

But you shouldnt be expected to wait this long.. i think that in itself speaks volumes hes hoping that by leaving it like this you will get the message, basically being a coward x

[Lola1304 in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx]

I told him that and he said not at all... I know what do you mean but when you love someone you see the things different.

[Sunflowerxxxxxx in reply to Lola1304]

Exactly rose coloured glasses you dont see it for what it really is

[Lola1304 in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx]

Maybe yes.

[EleanorRose]

Why did you have to leave when he wanted space? Did he not have somewhere he could go? It seems a bit unfair to me that you are currently going through this and can’t even go back to your own home.

You love him and relationships do go through difficult patches and can come out the other side ok. However, he’s not currently treating you in a very loving and caring way.

I think you need to make a decision, for you, because you can’t carry on feeling like this. Either make the decision yourself to walk away from the relationship, which I know would be hard for you. Or else you need to give him a deadline to have decided by - he has had more than enough time to think and this is making you unwell so he has to tell you now.

I hope you can find a way through this, you are worth so much more than the way you are currently being treated.

Let us know how it goes.

Take care,

Eleanor

[Lola1304 in reply to EleanorRose]

I decide to leave he wants me to stay there but I couldn't is was really hard to see him everyday. He said to talk after summer but I can not stop overthing and is so difficult to not think about this all day.

Thank you for your message.

[EleanorRose in reply to Lola1304]

Could you tell him that you can’t wait that long? The end of Summer is his deadline- when do you need to know by? He is in complete control here and it’s not fair on you and how it’s making you feel.

What does he think he’ll know at the end of Summer that he doesn’t know now?

[Lola1304 in reply to EleanorRose]

That is what I think but also I went to see my family and I will be back after summer so that is why he said after summer I guess. I told him I need to know something soon and he said if he had a answer before I will be the first person to know otherwise we can talk after summer...

[EleanorRose in reply to Lola1304]

I am conscious of the fact I don’t know him or you or your relationship but if you were one of my friends, that would make me so angry that someone is treating you in that way.

What do your family think?

He’s not doing you some sort of favour by making sure you’re the “first to know” - of course you should be. It sounds like he has no regard for your feelings and is just doing what is best for him. You’ve told him you need to know soon and he has ignored that and gone straight back to what is best for him.

Do you feel able to give him an actual date/time you need to know by? Maybe saying something like you can’t carry on like this and need to know by the end of the weekend? He’ll probably tell you he can’t do that but this can’t be all about his needs when this is having such a negative impact on you. YOU are important.

[Lola1304 in reply to EleanorRose]

They think he is not acting very good. But they don't know what happen to him because he has change a lot... That is what I think he is very selfish right know.

[EleanorRose in reply to Lola1304]

Sounds to me like you know the right thing to do but are finding it hard because you love him. I hope you can find the strength to put yourself first and do what is right for you.