Confused

[Sarahp2008]

I don't know what to do. I was doing really well. Like I actually thought this is it. I'm getting better. But then work has been stressing me out to an unhealthy level. First there was an issue with HR that was completely out of my control. Then the returns started to get to me because we're not making our goals because ppl apparently shop just to return. Again, something I can't control. So I'm trying to let that go. Now I'm obsessing over the fact that some of the employees have no work ethic and are not proactive. I can't handle it. This has been ongoing, so I don't know why now I have to obsess. Ugh. I wish I could fire. Is it that hard to work at work?!?! I know, crazy concept. Anyways- my doctor said she can change my medication to something that'll calm me down more. I've been trying different medicines and combinations and I thought we finally found one but I can't let go of this. I think I probably should change it. She mentored Zoloft..... Which I took years ago and it made me into a zombie. Maybe that's what I need. How can I live life not caring. Is that living? But I'm starting to think it's the only way I'll get through life maintaining my "sanity". I just don't know what to do. I told her that I wanted to see how the next four weeks go and we can address it then. How do you let go? How do you deal with terrible employees? They are at every job. I shouldn't change my job because of them bc "they" will be at every job. Ugh. I feel like I can't function in the real world. I feel like my brain is wired in a way that doesn't allow me to let go things. I obsess. I exhaust myself. I really thought I was doing okay and all this is happening. I just don't know what to do. I see my psychologist soon... It's definitely much needed. She has a way of opening my mind but I rely on her. I need to be able to live my life myself, right? I'm starting to think that it's not realistic that I'll ever not be medicated. Or that I'll not need a psychologist. I just want to be normal.

[Bigbread]

In this forum of over 5,000 people, you are absolutely normal :). I spend a lot of time in meditation circles, and the notion of 'letting go' is regularly recommended. Like you, however, I've never seemed to be able to do that on command. I've since switched my intention from 'letting go' to 'allowing'. Allowing myself to both experience life's everyday annoyances (which will never go away) and my visceral responses to them. The funny thing that happened was that in the acceptance of them, they lose their power... and eventually dissolve. Back door letting go! Who'd have thunk it! Maybe you would find some peace in rather than focusing on letting go of your triggers, change that intention to letting go of the resistance to them. Be with the experience -- the anger, the frustration, whatever. Let it come. I, for one, accept your reactions just as I intend to accept my own.

Best wishes for your health and happiness

-mg