Feeling down

[BELAwesome]

I don't know what to say. So much going on. I so appreciate this site. Like being able to encourage others and share my struggles somewhat anonymously and safety. It feels like family and friends (not many) don't really understand me. I understand that. Lol. I mean I guess I'm hard to understand and have undiagnosed health stuff that people tend to think I just need to make health changes to make it stop. Makes me feel crazy or that people see me that way. I think I'm intelligent, I mean I can do well in school when it's a subject I enjoy, etc. Anyways, the stress makes it hard for me to focus and time management and procrastination made school hard (possibly ADD) a therapist said, unless it's something else. I'm gonna be checked for seizures as I wake up from sleep with myoclonic jerks (muscle movements, etc). Anyways, it's complicated. I just feel sad. Been through a lot in my life. I'm almost surprised I'm still alive. I was tempted to end it so many times. It's too much to explain it all right here but it helped me having support, etc and being in a somewhat better environment. I probably need a better environment still but it's better than living with an alcoholic mom who's verbally and mentally abusive and distant, plus controlling relatives that moved in with me. I got out of that but still other stuff is challenging. I'm done. I can't explain more right now. Painful but I'm glad to get this out and hopefully people will be able to understand. Take care! <3

[rickrusch]

I'm new to this site (as of this morning). I made a few posts and found it therapeutic just to make the posts and open up. It is rough but trying to take is one moment at a time and one day at a time is necessary but difficult for me. I wish I would live in the moment more. If it helps you, keep posting.

[BELAwesome in reply to rickrusch]

Thanks so much Rickrusch! This is a good start I think. 👍🏼