Lifetime of being sad and feeling out of place.

[Mundial]

Hi I am 68 and all my life I have had anxiety, depression and social phobias. I am at a point where I just want to disappear. If it wasn't for my loved ones I would.

[Vonnah]

I'm 19 and i wish i could disappear too....but please if you made it that far in life, don't give up now. It's proof your stronger than you think you are. 💜

[Mundial in reply to Vonnah]

Thanks....., wow someone listened. A little tear.

[Vonnah in reply to Mundial]

Yes we all have to stick together. Anytime you need to talk you can message me or anyone else on here. We are all listening and supporting.

[Mundial in reply to Vonnah]

Vonnah, thanks for the kind words.I can identify with you so well. I grew up in a family similar to yours. Try going to an app called Insight Timer. It's a meditation app with many types of meditation. I have gone there for various reasons. One site is for victims of childhood abuses. Another is for insomnia. I use this all the time. It really does lessen my anxiety. I was lucky and found a job with a bedroom when I just got out of high school. You will find a way out too. I am glad your going to see your doctor soon. I know some antidepressants have bad side effects but you may find one that works for you. Do you like to read? That has been my hobby since I was younger. Nothing like a good book. I was in group therapy for a year and that was helpful. Please take care of you.

[Vonnah in reply to Mundial]

I used to read when i was younger not anymore to be honest. But i will check out that app you mentioned for sure

[Mundial in reply to Vonnah]

Take care. If you want to just talk I am here.

[Hidden]

Hi nice to meet you. I have suffered from life long depression but have made it nearly as far as you, so well done. You don't say whether you are having any treatment for it ie meds and/or counselling. This might be a good idea if not.

See you have got another reply! xx

[Mundial in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind support.I have had years of therapy and tried several types of antidepressants. In 2006 my 6 year old son was in an automobile-motorcycle accident. He suffered a closed head injury and became a non verbal quadriplegic. My marriage was over at the same time and I brought my son and 2 year old daughter back to the states from Costa Rica. I was a single mom grieving and trying to make a life for my family. My son lived for 30 years after his accident. I took care of him at home. I never stopped grieving. My Childhood was full of traumas from abusive parents to an abusive husband. I had learning disabilities with a mother that told me I was stupid (I believed she was right). Mom was a mean alcoholic that tried suicide five times. I remember when I was eleven seeing her cut her wrists. Well it's been a long road. I am tired of all the emotions and sadness.

[Mundial in reply to Mundial]

It was 1976 that my son was injured. He died in 2006. He was a quad for 30 years.

[Hidden]

You have had more than your fair share of tragedy in your life and I am not suprised you are tired of it all. I haven't had the trauma you have and I am still tired and have had enough too. If I was young I would gee you up and say you might have many years yet, but as I'm not I can only emphasise with you.

I always think well I made it this far and I can't go any futher so what will be will be. I am just waiting for my natural end now (and trying to enjoy what's left of my life as much as possible) and hope it's not too long. Can't offer you any hope but just to let you know you aren't alone. Take care. xxx

[Mundial in reply to Hidden]

Thanks.....life is a journey. I guess you have to cherish the good moments.

[Hidden in reply to Mundial]

Yep you sure do. I think the secret of life is endurance. At least you got your pension at 60! I have to wait until 65 Barstewards!

[ppip]

Congrats on making it as far as you did! Many of us will never face what you have and I can't imagine how you did it. I expected to be dead 30 years ago and can't believe I am still here. Yes, there are often many times a week/day that I ask myself why. I still haven't come up with an answer. Whenever I have come close to dying I pull through because I want to use my experiences to help someone else. Sounds like rainbows and sunshine, but it is why I keep going.

It is exhausting for so many of us to get through each day with what we have been through. You are not alone.

I hope this helps...

[Mundial in reply to ppip]

Ppip, living with chronic illness is like being in another dimension. Unless you've lived with it personally it can be difficult to understand. My son was there for 30 years. I am sorry you have to go through this. You sound very brave in your post . Day to day can be very hard, though. Please take care.

[Eflax]

This is how I feel lately too. My job loss last year really got this started again. I've always felt out of place.

[violetgenie in reply to Eflax]

Eflax we are here for you 🤗

[Mundial in reply to Eflax]

Eflax, loosing a job can shake you to your core for many reasons especially if you enjoy it. We're you able to find another job? Here for you......

[violetgenie]

Hi Elaine nice to meet you and thank you for the beautiful picture! As the posts mentioned we are all here for you ❤️

[lock4life]

Hi. Your story could be mine. I see by your picture that you are a beautiful warm person. You have a life time of experience that you can share with so many on this site. You can help so many, and in doing so I think that your life will be so enriched. Depression steals our joy. Anxiety robs us of the peace of mind we so richly deserve. I just joined today. Your story touched my heart. Thank you. I don't feel quite as alone as I did minutes ago.

[Mundial in reply to lock4life]

Thank you lock4life. Being part of a group is similar to having another family. It helps to share stories and offer support. And It feels good to get out of your own head and feel for someone else. Intrusive thoughts lessen to a degree. And that is a very good thing!

[lock4life]

Thank you. I have never had the blessing of being part of a group. It sounds amazing! I hope with all that I am accepted here. To have someone actually care would give me meaning, Thank you so much

[poppet36]

Hi. Im 36 and have been exactly the same my whole life. I always new from a young age that something was not right about the way i feel. I would like to leave this world but i cant as i have sick family that need me. X

[lock4life in reply to poppet36]

Hi Poppet

Please get help with the way you are feeling. I have thought about ending it all so many times. Yesterday, my good friend, that I loved dearly did just that. At 24 years old the pain of life was too much . He hid his depression very well, always joyous always the one that would make everyone laugh. I am broken hearted because I know the pain he was in...I have been there it sounds like maybe you have to.

Ryan left a family, parents, friends anyone that ever met him in shock and so sad.

I am so glad that you realize you have people here that need you. You do have value.

I am here to remind you that you are not alone and that you matter. And I thank you for giving me a chance to matter to someone.