Spouse of the one with Depression and Anxiety

We moved to another country 6 months ago and my husband has a history of anxiety and depression. The job change has been really hard on him and this just did not go as planned at all. He didn't see anything in a positive light. Everything was awful. We have 3 kids and they have been asking why he sleeps so much, etc. I am constantly doing "damage control" because he is short with the kids. We are heading back home soon because it has become more negative to be here than positive. He's on medication, he's gone to therapy multiple times and we've been to marriage counseling in the past. We've been together for over 15 years and married for 8 of them.

I'm feeling very resentful and feel like he's ruined this experience for us even though I know he didn't try to. I feel tired to be the one to manage everything and everyone and I'm just not sure I want to continue this cycle forever. Everything is always about him and what he needs and the reassurance he constantly needs about how I feel about him and our relationship. But honestly, my kids need me too. I don't know if me being upset is even fair.

2 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Hi nice to meet you. No wonder you feel as though you are in an impossible situation. That's because you are. I am wondering if your husband needs to go back to his doctors and ask for a meds review because they should be making him feel a lot better and more able to cope.

    Counselling should be helping too but it is a long term solution and he needs to stick with it and work with the therapist. Maybe he needs a different kind of therapy? There are many available so have a look on the net and see what is available.

    For what it's worth I think it is probably your best move to go home again as you are going to have more support hopefully from family and friends.

    I know you feel for your husband but at the end of the day he is an adult so I think you need to step back a bit and for your own sake leave him to get on with it. It sounds hard but as you say your children need you. You will never get this time back again with them and their future is very important.

    Children are very accepting so if you just say daddy is poorly and if he is unable to get out and about with you much, then you and your children must. They will accept this and if they see you are not worried they will not be either.

    Very difficult though and my thoughts are with you.

  • Hi there,

    Im not sure I can be any of help to you.... But just to let you know that I understand what you are living through as me too I'm living with a partner that has AD. I also understand how hard it is for you to support your husband's condition plus the 3 kids. In this case, I'm glad that our plan on having children didn't work out before I found out about my cancer (im ok now). Not that I don't crave having children for sure. But you sure luckier to have your children to be strong for.

    Ignore his need sometimes if that helps you to "recharge", or take some times off to do your favourite things every now and then. The importance is that you will always be there for the whole family.

    Take good care.

You may also like...