Relationship Advise

[scarsbeneathyourbeautiful]

Hi all,

I'm after some advise regarding trust issues and paranoia. I've been with my partner for several years, but my trust issues are getting worse and worse. I have always been a laid back person who couldn't care less what the other person is doing, but due to the way he used to treat me and the lies, I'm finding it so hard to move on from everything he's done. We have some amazing times together, but whenever he goes out he makes the situation worse by lying about things. He's genuinely a good person, he just can't stop hurting me. I feel like I've been driven insane by everything he's done, but I couldn't image myself without him. I hate who I've become and I hate how I can't trust him, but I love him so much. I just wish he would listen to me when I ask him to be open and honest with me. What can I do?

[Hidden]

Hi nice to meet you. You said he lies to you, says hurtful things, you can't trust him and he is driving you insane and making you paranoid. Um.. I am wondering just what it is you love about him? Not sure it's my definition of a 'good' person?

All healthy relationships are based on trust so I can't see a lot of hope for this one unless he changes his behaviour. He is the one with the problems but you are the one asking for help!

It's not you as anyone would be feeling like this if they were treated this way. Your feelings are right and are trying to tell you something. Listen to them. They will guide you. You deserve better than this, honestly.

[Kobojunkie]

First and Foremost, you have no power to change anyone. You can only pray and hope that he will.

So what then? Focus on yourself. Fix the problems with you. Work on healing yourself from all that shame, guilt, low self-esteem and self-worth that you have racked up all these years enduring this. Work on bettering your soul, your existence, your life. And then and only then will you be able to properly understand what is going on and what you need to do.

When it comes to relationships, you have to be in love with your own self before you can love or trust another.

Honestly, I don't even believe humans are meant to "trust" each other cause we all know we all make mistakes! As human beings, we are imperfect and change is a constant for us all. I in no way condone cheating and all that but simply suggesting that "trust" in any relationship is meaningless when humans are involved.

The word TRUST implies an expectation of perfection. But we humans are imperfect beings. Does it then make sense to expect perfection from another human being? I think not.

[a-lynn in reply to Kobojunkie]

Well said.

I'm trying to take my own advice - No one is perfect, the trick is finding someone whose faults you can live with.

[Orangeblossom85]

To anyone in similar problem a recommend checking out the narcissistic personality disorder. They all seem very nice people but they also have incredibly mean face. Lies are their basic rule. They also love to cheat, live in constant high adrenaline and risk. They use people.

I got so much help from reading the book and the site: psychopath free.