Hey, maybe someone could help me understand, because I am very anxious right now… my husband want to have an open marriage.. and I am against it because I can’t believe that he will stay emotionally unattached to his possible lovers. He is blaming me that I am not respect his feelings in this matter, but I just can’t imagine being in the relationship when he has lovers and I am against it because we have small child, living in a small town.. and I can’t comprehend how should I suppose to be myself in this knowing that he has someone else…he assured me that he will not catch a feelings and he will stay with me, that it is just simple biological need but I understand from one side but from the other… I would like to be special and only one for my partner… not just a wife who will give children, money and keep a house clean…
How should I suppose to behave? He is abusing me, telling that I was talking differently some time ago when I thought it was just a joke or theorethical conversation, he said that I’m mental and should go to the sex specialist because I am not normal… and it isn’t a case that I don’t want have a sex with him because I want… but he needs more I think…
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karoava
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I need to add that my husband told me that I am treating him like a toy that I want him all for myself only.. is it bad thing that being in relationship you want someone to be only for you? I mean I don’t have anything to his friends or meeting with them but… lovers? I think ok, it’s natural, biological thing, but engage second party, someone with feelings…
he said that I am free to have someone… but I have a feeling that if the third person will be mendling then we do not have the same relationship as before… everyone has fantasy, imagination in bed but to not give in is a choice. I think that if I am with someone I stay with this person, even if have sexual fantasies it is not strong enough to break a trust and just go for it…
I believe that he is coercing you to do something you are not comfortable with . You want a monogamous relationship while he wants one thats more flexible . Even though you have a child with him and may have been with him for sometime, the things he is saying to you is not fair , you dont need to go to a sex specialists , you don’t need to compromise yourself and your values and integrity for a man who frankly as I see it does not care about what you want . I know its hard you want to please your husband but you have to think are you giving yourself up, are you morally compromising your values and boundaries?
Agree with the post above. I won't stay a "nano" second with this type of person. He doesn't seem to care about you, or what you want. He is the one who should seek therapy. Do not comprise your values, and sense of self. I am sorry that you have to go through this.
It’s not right the way he is treating you. Why the hell did he even get married if this is what he wants??? Now he’s really putting you in a tough spot. Of course you want him to be monogamous, you’re married and raising a child. If he won’t back off of this crazy idea and start treating you with kindness and respect, you’d better look into leaving him, I’m sorry to say. What kind of role model is this for your child to see going on??? Your husband needs a reality check.
It seems you both want different things, to my mind marriage is about love , trust and respect, which it seems you dont have. If I was in Your place I’d be looking to leave and make a life for you and your child, good luck
Wow... I can't believe he'd suggest such a thing. I definitely wouldn't do an open relationship. If my wife was to say such a thing to me, I would want to get away from her as soon as I can. You have a child together and how is that child going to react when they are older? Not worth being with him anymore. Sorry I can't support his decision on that and I'm a guy.
He said that we don’t have any sexual connection, that he is ashamed of our life in this area that he can’t stand talking to his colleagues because I am not normal and that he was patient enough with me and want his freedom.. and maybe it is something bad with me but I was very hurt by his words…he told me that he should leave me ten years ago…
let him have his freedom then ,LET HIM GO , you do not need to be with someone who is going to demean and degrade you . I know it may be hard to step away because you have a child with him and you love him, but he from what you have said, does not care about you only about himself and his wants .
He is asking a great deal from you and is totally out of line. My answer would be NO, NO, NO!!! I don't know how long you have been married but his request is just plain wrong. Wishing you a peaceful resolution you can live with.
Hi Karoava, He wants to be free. You cut him loose. You could be free of him. He isn't in love with you anymore. He is blaming his bad behavior on you! What incredible gaul. He has moved on and is a coward for not honoring his marriage vows. Whatever you do, don't have unprotected sex with him, he is dirty. Get out and file for divorce.
He told me today that I am a c*nt, who wants him only for herself, that I do not meet his needs… he told me that he doesn’t feel like a man… he almost slapped me wanting from me to agree with him.. he wants to sleep around like his friend does… but I know this friend… guy is jobless always without money, he doesn’t want to work…
Sometimes I think all this is because I have a good, resposible job on good position, I am capable to take care of family, which I was doing for a year when he was building a house… however it’s look like I have to more appreciate his job than he is appreciating mine…
Sorry guys for this and thank you for all of you! It’s hard because I have No one to talk to. My husband is always threatining me that I can not talk with anyone of our friends or family about this… he is thinking that I am gathering evidence or something like that, that I want to get him to therapy…
sorry for this spam… I just have to clear this because I can’t comprehend… I read that 98% of open marriage end divorced…
I can’t believe when he is talking that he will sleep around but be with me…
I want to suggest him that we can talk more be open about sex, that maybe we can try make things better… but after today I am afraid of rejection.. he told me he have No passion for me, that he doesn’t want to be with me this way… I am just good wife, friend and partner, nothing more… I am devastated… he was silence all these years…
I am just afraid that he will again rant about me being incompetent.. I am feeling like a fool, not like a loved woman… maybe I was too protective over other aspects of life? I don’t know anymore..
you ask how you should behave. With self preservation… leave. To see you trying explain his behavior by blaming everything from having a good job to being too protective to not being “smart” enough (not true) …that’s painful to watch. This is on him. Nobody else. Seriously pack a bag, get your child, close the door and don’t look back. Don’t even think about it. You deserve so much better.
Please dont listen to his negativity. You and your son deserve to be happy and safe. You deserveto be loved and you and your son deserve to live peaceful. Please be careful. There is nothing wrong with you. He really needs to look at himself i n the mirror. We will always be here for you. He needs to have his head examined
I talked with him and he told me that even if I will improve in sex department I will not meet all his needs and I can’t change that. He told me that I should not be afraid that he will leave me because I’m perfect match for him in every other aspects. He just wants to have sex with others and he isn’t seeing anything wrong with it. I told him that I also have fantasies but I don’t want to play on them, because he is enough for me… he just wants me to see it differently… I don’t know if I can… it’s not just simple biological need for me… am I paranoid or pathetic romantic type? I know that world changes and people see sex differently… this means should I also?
hi there is nothing wrong with you he is taking his own insecurities and putting it on you because he's insecure about himself don't listen to his negative behavior because you don't deserve anything like that a very best
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your husband is not respecting you or the exclusivety of your marriage by evening entertaining the idea of having sex with others. Your desire and need to be special is natural and likely these were what your natural expectations were when you got married. Now he is changing the goal line because of changes in his mindset. This does not reflect you as you haven't done, said or hoped for anything wrong. Your expectations have been entirely reasonable.
All I can say is , WOW! How do people think that’s even a possibility for most marriages!?! If you don’t agree to an open marriage, then what?
I’m sorry you have to go through that. I know it is very difficult with children involved but I would run from him! He is only going to hurt you, I think. It is easy for me to say that but I have been a single mom since my youngest was born (21years ago). I understand how terrifying it is to split up, but you slowly realize that being single is a lot better then a bad mariage! If you want to work it out then you probably should go to counselling together.
I think anyone that agrees to an open marriage. is playing with fire., plus you want to be Safe from STD’s.
I believe Open relationships don't work. You can get incurable diseases. Human sexuality is very complex. This is my personal experience. I experienced bad things with a sexual player.
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