Two weeks ago started feeling major crash coming on and decided i wasn't going through another one. Found out the lethal dose of one of my meds. It would have been two bottles so i decided to stop taking them to build up enough figured no one would notice since they don't work anyway. Went until monday and i felt really good. Happy talkative but by the end of the day started crashing again. Tuesday was total RAGE. Ended with me trying to dig up my father's urn and smash it at 10 o'clock pm but couldn't find. Haven't left my room until i was or told to either get a shower shave and change clothes or have a bucket of soapy water thrown on me and held down and shaved. Have a psych appointment on tuesday but worried to talk to doc about any of this because i'll probably end up in the pych ward again. That place is like something out of the 18th century and never helps.
Sorry if any of this sounds crazy or rambled but just had to get it out there.