Anxiety, depression, heart palpitations, social redrawal and panic attacks

[Butchlee1964]

Well I am new and would love to share a story. I was physically abused as a child by an alcoholic father. He died in 1987. I became a police officer in 1988 and served for almost 29 years until and battled anxiety, PTSD, skipping heart beats over the last 8 years until I was no longer able to do my job. Now I stay secluded inside the house most of the time and the common things in life seem to be more than I can handle.

[sweetiepye]

Hello Butch, I 'm glad you found this site. It will surprise you how supportive and kind people are here.It is so helpful to know others who have or are going through similar experiences . First of all being a policeman for 29 years is a huge accomplishment. I imagine you have things in your mind that you may never get rid of and they cause all kinds of anxiety. Fear and panic attacks are brothers to anxiety and they are all liars. Do not believe them, you will not die from any of them. Fear is the only power they have and you have power over the fear. You look it in the face and say ok do your worst. It will go right through you, leave you exhausted , but intact. Always ,always stand up to it, if you back down it will own you. The heart palpations are in the same family and you can treat them the same way. If a Doctor has told you your heart is sound, believe him.If you haven't been to a Dr. then go. I have lived with heart palpations for 30 years. If they kill you then it's a slow death. They are disconcerting, sometimes take your breath away but cause no damage.This site has some helpful books and material that you can access . Let me know your thoughts on this ramble I've taken you through. You will overcome this. Pam

[Butchlee1964 in reply to sweetiepye]

I have been too cardiologist, stress test, echo's, hotter monitor and so on. Heart is normal, no mitral valve prolapse so it is all anxiety. It even goes after my stomach. I told the physchologist that I can't find the me I use to be. When all this started that person checked out and I don't think he is coming back. I have got to get use to this new person. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

[TomoA]

I am really sorry to hear about your childhood experience. I also Had a difficult family life because my parents divorced when I was young . I am Japanese , I come from Tokyo . I never imagined something bad would happen to me. I am battling a lot of demons now

[BonnieSue in reply to TomoA]

Dear TomoA,

I'm so sorry to hear of your trauma over your parents' divorce and your subsequent battle with demons. This sounds perfectly awful. I wish I could take it all away. I pray that this pain will ease for you and eventually fade with the years.

[TomoA in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you very much for your message . I have bad trauma and depression , I am sorry I couldn't reply to you sooner. I have trauma not because of my parents. I was sexually assaulted and abused by a 74 years old blues musician Linsey Alexander . I am fighting my illness and also trying to get people to pay attention to sexual predators.

[BonnieSue in reply to TomoA]

How terrible! You have reported this crime? Are you in counseling? What specifically are you doing to get people to pay attention to sexual predators?

[TomoA in reply to BonnieSue]

I am sorry I couldn't reply you sooner. My condition isn't great . I have been talking medication and I have been to counseling but not getting better . I will be going to see doctors at Mayo Clinic In Rochester, MN next month.This is one of thebest hospitals in the US, so I hope I can find something .

I tried to press charges against this guy but in my condition, I couldn't do it right away . I have a rape victim advocate and civil rights lawyer helping me file complaints against the Chicago police .

My family sent letter to blues clubs here but they just care their business. Still using the predator .This old guy is still trying to hit on women in the audience and hiding his marital status. His wife knows what he is doing but I think she does not say anything to him. I don't want more victims like me so, I want to try telling people as much as I can . Thank you very much for your caring. It makes me feel better that someone cares about me .

Thank you again.

[BonnieSue]

Dear Butchlee,

I'm so sorry about the abuse you endured as a child and your memories of that abuse. I'm sorry that you have PTSD and anxiety that has limited your life in the present. It just doesn't seem fair, does it? It's not as if you asked for any of this, is it?

I hope and pray that you'll soon be free to go where you want to and that anxiety won't be controlling you. I can recommend you take a drug that allows you to go where you'd like to go. Why not see a psychiatrist and talk about that option? I've taken one for years for my GAD. I've just finished successfully tapering off of it. It's something you might want to think about.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry for all your problems Butchlee. Never give up . I hope you get some help . Terrible things have happened to you. There are still a lot of good people around that want to help you. You will get good support on here from people who understand your problems . Good luck.