Brand New & Nervous

Hi all. I am hoping that an online community can help me feel like there are more people in my life who truly understand me. I've been feeling hopeless and pretty lost in my anxiety and bipolar cycles lately. I have a Psychiartrist and Therapist - just seeking support.

Diagnostically, I am Bipolar Type 2 which exhibits itself in almost constant high anxiety, long periods of sleep (when I can on the weekends) and depression. I have been on lithium carbonate for about a year now, and am more stable than I have ever been. I no longer have huge mood swings, just seasonable stuff. My anxiety ranges from 3-9 every day, there is NO time I am not anxious - 50% of the time it translates into my sleep but sometimes it doesn't. On the very anxious days I weep a lot, but I am able to hold down a job except for the occasional here and there. Any day I do take off due to anxiety leaves me feeling ashamed and embarassed.

I would appreciate any advice as to fighting that initial anxiety when I wake up in the morning. It is the thickest for me. Like the day is going to swallow me whole, and I will fail at everything I do. I spent a lot of my weekends in bed because of this, and I feel like I'm just watching my life pass me by. I don't have a ton of friends my age that aren't very busy with families and such, and so I spend a lot of time feeling pretty out of the loop. Any encouragement or even someone who has felt this way would be neat.

Sorry if this is too dramatic. Thanks.

1 Reply

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  • Hi,

    I'm bipolar II with GAD. I'm on a benzo for my anxiety which is low, covered with 0.25 mg of clonazepam per day. But I used to need 4.0 mg per day. What I don't understand is your doctor leaving you with such high anxiety that you are dysfunctional most of the weekend. And probably most weekdays, also. What's going on here? Why aren't you getting the anxiety under control? Why not talk to the doc and get this anxiety down and get your life back?

    While it's true you can't be on benzos indefinitely, you can be on some other meds and you need to be. Have you tried hydroxyzine, buspar, increasing your antidepressant? Whatever it takes? And as a last resort, there is always a benzo and not working which means disability. Like me. Which is infinitely better than being in constant anxiety. But please try all of the alternative drugs for anxiety 1st.

    Without drug coverage I would be just like you when I wake, but I wouldn't even sleep much. I'd be anxious just like you upon waking after maybe 15-20 minutes of sleep, possibly 1-2 hours with some meds. I'd practice all that I'd learned in my Recovery meetings like "stop it and drop it!" when my thoughts would stray to anxious ones. And I'd focus on working myself down , meaning keeping myself calm and relaxed and not working up a panic or allowing myself to imagine things getting worse instead of better. I would have to picture only the good things I want to happen.

    What I put up in the picture of my mind affects what happens to me. It's like negative and positive thinking. That thing I picture in the front of my mind influences what I aim for. I don't allow anything negative as the main picture in my mind. What's my goal? Always something good. Good for me!! How about you?

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