Coping with MDD

[KKoonz23]

Hi, I'm new here. Last month, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I have struggled with Depression all of my life but did not know I have a disease. I was never diagnosed or treated before until now. I was also never given anti-depressants until now. This was the worst depression I have endured in my life, because my lack of motivation kept me from continuing my every day life activities. Some days, I could not even get out of my chair because it was too hard to mentally do. I missed a month of school because I could not stand being around other people and my thoughts would race too much. I had no concentration, and could not bring myself to go anywhere. I would isolate myself and cry, and battle between bad thoughts and what I know is the truth. I have only been to counseling a couple of times, but I could no longer use those services since my professors and counselors as well as myself, decided a medical withdraw would be the best solution. This whole entire process has been a huge burden on me and my family. Some days I can't see the finish line. Other days, I can see myself back to normal in a couple of months. The worst of it has passed, and I am able to do things again. However, I feel as though it has transformed to something else. I experience rage sometimes and extreme frustration with my family and others. I feel like with family, they are often biased in their thinking and sometimes can say the wrong things to you. This makes me feel like they don't really understand what is going on with me. Sometimes, I am able to descriptively write what I am experiencing, and other days just thinking exhausts me. When people do not understand or tell me, "Depression and anxiety are completely normal. Everyone at some point goes through it," this saying does not make me feel better. It only infuriates me. When you normalize depression, you make someone like me feel like it's not a big deal since everyone goes through it. Not everyone does, and there are different types of depression. Major Depressive Disorder is dangerous. It inhibits your every day life and there are days when it is extremely dark. When I was a child and as a teenager, I experienced chronic depression. Now I have major depression. My husband has manic depression. There are many types with many different symptoms. To tell me, "you'd be surprised, depression and anxiety is common." I understand counselors and other people tell you this because for some people, to hear this makes them feel like they are not alone. For someone like me though, I don't care how normal this is, I just want it to end. My biggest challenge for getting better at this point, is to learn how to cope with depression and also how to manage stress. Through counseling, I learned that extreme stress is a trigger. I have always struggled with managing stress and I would like to learn how I can manage it better so that I do not overwhelm myself. I also would like to know why do I feel rage now? I get frustrated and just want to throw things. I never act on it, but I can feel it building inside. Thanks for reading my post, and I am hopeful about this site.

[vishugurdasani]

I have been having the same for 33 years.do physical exercise in morning or whenever you are free.do Ramayana daily.take medicine and don't try to end this .follow sandeep MAHESHWARI on you tube on anger .see the video

[KKoonz23 in reply to vishugurdasani]

Thank you for the tips!

[vishugurdasani in reply to vishugurdasani]

Trying to end the whole thing adds fuel and gives energy to the depression I.e.makes it stronger.The best way is to leave it as it is.

[KKoonz23 in reply to vishugurdasani]

That is a good point. If I change my mindset about it then perhaps it won't be as prolonged. Thank you.

[Cindy_]

You described perfectly how I felt growing up, except I felt my rage at a Younger age. I was so bitter and angry. Don't let that take over you. Try meditating or reinforcing your thoughts and telling yourself not to get angry and count to ten. I know they seem very general things to do, but it's important not to feed into the anger it might affect and push those around you further away who don't understand depression. I was diagnosed later in life just like you with chronic and mdd. I tried medication but it made me feel groggy? I didn't feel like me, I felt like I was floating above myself and watch my life go on.

[KKoonz23 in reply to Cindy_]

Thank you for replying. I know you're right it is just hard sometimes. The anger is uncontrollable. Usually I can let things go, keep my mouth shut about something, be really patient with people but lately I immediately say something or snap. You are right though that it will push those I love away and I don't mean to. I apologize but sometimes I need a break from them and can't seem to get one. I will try the counting thing and meditation. I think I had chronic as a teenager since it laster for four years but I was never diagnosed. I did not receive help until I was 18. I hate my medication. I stopped taking it. The first three weeks I did it perfectly but I felt like I did not need medication just counseling. Taking meds makes me feel weird and yes makes me feel really groggy too. As far as the floating, I felt that when my MDD was bad even without the medicine. I was going to ask my doctor but do you think it is possible to go from a MDD episode into a chronic episode? I feel better than I was almost two months ago such as my motivation and concentration is better, and I am happier and feel a sense of attachment to my head and body, but I don't feel 100% and I don't feel happy at the end of the day. It's almost like I can do the things I need to again but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Let me know what you think! Thank you!