I was given this wed site by a real close friend who I confide in when I need someone to talk to. Over the last several months I had distance myself from her and her family and had really never given her any reason. I recently got back into contact with her via email and tried to explain what I was going through, writing or emailing has always been a better way for me to express myself as apposed to in person. This special someone is a in the field but never wanted to burden her with my problems so she put together some links for me to explore.
Not sure if I chose the right group or not but here is what I struggle with from time to time and if this isn't the right venue maybe someone could steer me in the right direction.
I lived in washing state for about a quarter of my life when I moved back to Cape Cod to care for both my parents who were diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was at both my parents bedside when the passed on. Ever since then I at uncontrollable times start getting this weird feeling and thinking about death and it can disrupt a day for me, making work difficult and sleep nearly impossible. I felt as I was able to deal with it until more recently as I am approaching my 50th birthday these thoughts and feelings are getting stronger that toppled with a fear of dying alone really puts me in a depressive state. I am looking for some advice on anything that may help me deal with these feelings when they arrive, I would like to avoid medication routes as the last thing I want is another prescription that may interact with my blood pressure medicines.
any advice or comments from people who are dealing with similar things would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Written by
romiza5715
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romiza5715, you did choose the right group for talking about your fears of life, death, getting old etc. I don't think anything impacted me as much as the death of my parents. Not that there hadn't been deaths before that but as long as mom and dad were there, I felt a false sense of safety from death. It's hard to explain but I have a feeling you know what I mean. No matter how old we are the idea of parents staying around forever is a wish. Short of them getting older and more frail I was still the child. When they died, I felt as if I moved up in the line. It was a scary thought as well as position to be in.
Life doesn't give you any guarantees that age young or old protects us from death but somehow that thought took hold but only for a short time. I would not allow it to stop me from living the rest of my life even w/o my parents. I was now a true grownup. I hoped that everything my parents instilled in me will give me the wisdom in taking their place. I many times think about what it will be like at the end but then just as quickly accept the fact we have no control over that. I push that thought aside and accept what I can control and that is living my life fully.
So my friend, you see you aren't alone with these thoughts, just don't let them take over or focus on it. You are right in that medication isn't the answer to that fear. I always remember the words of my dad saying that Life is for the Living and he planned to die standing up. Meaning he would live every moment right to the end (and he did)
Keep coming to forum and hear other's share the life's journey through fears, happiness and hope. You are never alone, we all feel the same emotions. My best to you romiza.
Thank you so much for those words, my obstacle is not letting it take control of me, as you stated you often think about what it would like at the end, power to you for being able to accept the fact that we have no control over it. That is where I stumble, I find myself focusing on it til I get close to a panic attack then the fear of falling asleep and not waking up. I too always felt as I was the child until my parents passed and like you said, I now am the grown up. Even though I had moved away from home got married and divorced i never felt like the grown up. Mom and Dad were always a phone call away and would be on the next plane if I asked them to be.
I take strength in your words and comfort knowing that I am not alone.
thank you for taking the time to respond with encouraging words.
romiza5715, I knew you understood. Talk this out with us any time it gets to be too much to handle. I'm sure we are not the only 2 people who have felt like this.
No you aren't the only 2 who feel like that. My parents have both gone now and I felt like an orphan and realised I had lost the only 2 people in my life who had loved me unconditionally. Now the older generation have gone I recognise that it will be mine and my peers turn next. We have now become the older generation which is really scary. Feeling like a grown up is scary too.
I too am alone and dread the future and dying on my own. To this end I have decided to put certain plans in place when needed for my old age. I will sell my home one day and buy a place in a retirement block which has a warden on call in case of emergency.
It might help you to start making some plans like that? Thinking of plans you can put in place for your old age is taking some control back which will help with your fears.
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