it's getting hard

I've been dealing with depression & anxiety for most of my life, recently it has gotten super bad. It hasn't been this way for years... The bad thoughts are slowly creeping back... I've never tempted suicide, it's just the voice saying it'd be better. I have a loving husband & our life is pretty good. My childhood was horrible & I know it's part of it... I also feel I have no 1 to talk to. I'm on meds but am horrible at taking them. Currently not seeing a therapist. I did call my hospital's metal dept. this morning & waiting to hear back. I'm so scared... hoping to find some support here...

Thank you, Melissa

5 Replies

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  • Hi Melissa nice to meet you. To be honest I think your childhood is more than just a part of it. Unless you start dealing with this issues you will never be completely better. The more you try and force the feelings away the more they will come back in the future.

    I think of it as poison boxes in my head. You put things in there because you are concentrating on survival and trying to forget them. But eventually they start leaking their poison into your everyday life trampling on it. The only way is to deal with the issues. It won't make them go away but you will learn how to deal with them in a healthier way.

    This is where counselling comes in. This will help you to sort these out so I believe this is essential for you. It can be hard and painful but the longer you leave it the worse and harder it will be. There are no quick fixes so it can take quite a long time, but then again they took years to develop. It will be worth it in the end though. I speak from experience.

  • Thank you for your kind words of wisdom Lilaclil. I have to admit I've been avoiding therapy. It was easy to do when the therapist I was seeing at Kaiser retired. My primary doctor oversees my meds. I did hear back from the behavioral dept. I have a meeting with someone this Friday. They unfortunately don't do therapy at Kaiser anymore, but send you a referral to some place they deal with. So I have wait a week or so for that.

    Thank you again for taking time to reach out & help. It's hard to talk about this was people.

    Melisss

  • You are very welcome Melissa. I have learnt in life that the things which are the hardest to deal are conversely the most worth it. Hard lessons take the best.

    I have been through therapy mostly in my younger years and ok it can be very upsetting and traumatic and you often feel like giving up, but the rewards are well worth it as well as being very liberating. It's not easy dealing with painful emotions but try and see it as a journey and you would be amazed how much it can help.

  • What meds are you taking? I can relate on how you feel and think! Currently on 7.5 mg of Lexapro.

  • I'm currently on 30 MG Fluoxetine & 0.5 MG Lorazepam. About 2 months ago I (foolishly) stopped taking them because I thought I might be pregnant.... I wasn't... but I still didn't take them. Started back on Fluoxetine this pass weekend.

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