I am a 30 year old married mother of 2. All of my life I have had emetophobia and I'm not sure how it all started. I see a psychiatrist and on anxiety and depression meds because I have that too. The older I get, the worse it seems to be getting. I feel tense all the time even when I'm not having a panic attack. I always feel like something bad is about to happen. I feel like no one understands me. They say they do, but they can't feel what I feel or feel how severe my attacks are. My emetophobia is getting so bad that I'm quickly becoming afraid of any germs. I'm constantly washing my hands to the point I have to cover them in ointment and wear cotton gloves while I sleep. My oldest son is homeschooled because I am afraid to send him to school. I'm dreading the day my husband makes me send my 3 year old to school. My 3 year old suffers from febrile seizures. I didn't even know they existed until he had his first one. It traumatized me and now I'm afraid of fevers. I feel so alone. When my kids are sick, I have to leave the house and I feel like I'm abandoning my babies when they need me most and it breaks my heart. It's becoming so bad that I often think about how it would be so much better if I wasn't here anymore. My husband came from a family where these sort or things just didn't exist so he's just completely unsupportive. He gets angry and tells me to just snap out of it. It's not that simple. I have depressive episodes that can last week's where I don't want to get out of bed, I don't get consistent sleep, I don't eat, and I barely even drink water. The smell of food turns my stomach. I want to be alone but I want someone to be with me at the same time. My psychiatrist has taught me techniques to help me reduce the panic but these do not work. I've told him this and all he has to say is that I need to keep practicing. 3 years later, it's still not helping. I just am looking for someone to talk to that GENUINELY understands where I'm coming from that I can talk to about this and have someone to talk to when I'm having attacks. I know feeling like I'm not alone will be a huge help.