Girlfriend with Anxiety

[hollie_2689]

Hello,

I need help as a supporter of a person that gets sever anxieties. How do I support them. What do I say to help?

[Sclarkstone]

Hi. Take some mindfulness classes with your partner so that you can help do some of the exercises with her whenever she needs it.

When your mind is full of negative thoughts you can become irrational and so it doesn't matter what anyone says to try and calm you down. So I find the best way to help is to listen, don't judge or offer solutions, just listen.

[hollie_2689 in reply to Sclarkstone]

Thanks! I have to remember not to solve just to listen...

[Elenatrix in reply to Sclarkstone]

Just reassure her everything is on. Sometimes my husband will hold my hand and say your OK. Were safe or just breathe. He has the calm app on his phone. Sometimes he will leave me alone for awhile. At first he would try to fix everything and know he knows not to take it personally. Just be patient

[hollie_2689 in reply to Elenatrix]

She has mentioned at times she will need to be left alone. I have internalize that as a rejection, but I need to come to the understanding that is part of her coping. I want to take some of her burden but I guess it does not work that way.

[hollie_2689 in reply to hollie_2689]

What is the calm app?

[Elenatrix in reply to hollie_2689]

It plays relaxing sounds and meditations. I use it myself when I just need to remember to breathe and try to relax my mind. When it gets really bad i go the room and lay down sometimes he will come in the room after awhile and just lay by me quietly or he will turn on the ocean sound and say its OK babe. Breathe. Anxiety sucks

[Elenatrix in reply to hollie_2689]

I imagine it can be difficult for the other person. There are times when I just need to be left alone. Just try I'm here if you need me. You can try to offer a hug or holding her hand but don't take it personally if she pulls away. She doesn't mean or want to hurt you its just she's dealing with her anxiety at that time.

[gogogirl]

I would say to listen and validate feelings. Nicely, you could also say how her anxiety is affecting you as well. After all you are a couple.

[hollie_2689]

That is one of my issues, is how do I get my feelings in? She is having surgery and I was coming out to her to help with post-op but this morning she told me that she cannot have the added worries of me there. I just want to help and be there for her, but if it causes more anxieties then I will forgo the trip. But I really want to be there..

[gogogirl in reply to hollie_2689]

I wanted to check in. I hope your friend is doing well after an operation.

[hollie_2689 in reply to gogogirl]

The operation is not until April. We are back to the point where I will be with her. We do not live in the same town. I have informed her of my research and my quest to help. She has been living with this for 30 some odd years, so I'm sure she knows how to cope. I have realized that whenever I am preparing to go for a visit we do seem to have small fights. I think it is related to her anxiety.

[gogogirl in reply to hollie_2689]

You sound like a good soul. Sometimes the anticipation of having an operation is very scary. That's nice that she has your support.

[hollie_2689]

I read from some expert that accepting the anxiety is also important. She talks about "containing her anxiety and stay grounded" but what do you think about accepting it? I don't know what to do once you accept it. I could imagine it could be like other aliments but not sure this is the right thing to say?

[gogogirl in reply to hollie_2689]

Treat her as you would anyone else with good communication.-, and lead your own life as well.

[Jess41]

Hi , I think when I'm depressed what I want from my husband

[Jess41]

Sorry continuas of what I want from my husband when I'm worried or depressed is his assurance that he understands me . Sometimes him just saying "I know your feelings and hold my hand gives me good feeling . If you could tell her that you understand her feelings but because u love her you can't just watch her going there for operation herself as it makes you worried about her .

And you could ask her would she not do the same if you were going for an operation, would she not go with you.? Plus what added worry you could cause by being there ! You are there to support . And say "it makes me upset but still I want you to feel happy "

I don't know if I'm told all the above I would calm or at least open up with him to tell him why I feel like the way I'm, or why I don't want him there.

However everyone is different and I really wish you good luck . You sound like a great and understanding boyfriend who is ready to support .

[hollie_2689]

Can I suggest how I deal with anxiety? I understand her levels are much more acute then mine but can my "handling" technique be helpful or is it trying to solve?

[Elenatrix in reply to hollie_2689]

Yes of course. But name it we've tried it. Save that talk for when she's not anxious. We love hearing about anything that could help.

[hollie_2689 in reply to Elenatrix]

OK, I asked if she has heard of the Calm App, I have not heard back. I downloaded it and "played" around with it yesterday, and I almost went catatonic. She exhibits many of the classic symptoms. Tired, urination, Sleep problems, easily scared, etc...I told her I was researching how to help and she found that comforting. She said yes it snowballs and at times makes her immobile...We have a lot of changes coming up, I hope we can make it through them....

[gogogirl in reply to hollie_2689]

Has she told you why she's anxious. Sometimes change itself especially if it happens all at once can be unsettling to anyone. Everyone is different.

[gogogirl in reply to hollie_2689]

It's nice to be so concerned, but remember she still has to learn her own way of coping .

[rippi]

I went to a pharmasist and he had anxiety a while back he told me to take Adaptra, he says he cant keep it in stock thats how well it works and he even used it and it helped him alot, can also take it with a traquilizer if need to. the first day I used it it worked and I had the best day ive had in a long time...today It seemed I have a little bit of anxiety but not bad. Dont know if you can just get this any where but this is a place called the pill box in Pembroke Pines Florida. the phone # is...954-432-7455... the name of the Pharmisist is Steve he owns the place, it is worth a try im sure they can mail it to you if need be... Hope it works as good for you..good luck..

[hollie_2689]

She obsessive on stuff to..It is hard to get her to stop until she has what she wants.

[gogogirl in reply to hollie_2689]

Most people do not just get what they want we learn that in life and sometimes it's hard. Some people learn earlier depending on how they were raised.

[gogogirl in reply to gogogirl]

I realized that I responded this way before I read about an operation. Having been there for relatives who had operations, I remember that the procedure is the number one and only thing on their minds- anything else is second or out of the picture for the moment. I realized that the prior pose did not match with having an operation. Sorry. Eyes over a certain age!

[hollie_2689]

Hello,

Me again...So the surgery was a success and we had a nice week together. Once I returned home, 9 hours away, we had a BIG miscommunication. Texts were not being received, and she said she wanted to be quiet so I gave her some space and then she thought I was pulling away. It was a mess. Thankfully I could send her screen shots to verify what I had been sending. I told her I was trying to educate myself the best I could about how to support her.

Now she is having nightmare or dreams that startle her awake, she says about her mom and dad, being abandoned, losing her boy, haunts from her childhood abuse. (I'm still 9 hours away.)

I'm trying to move there but uncontrollable circumstance are preventing it. We both agreed I cannot move until I sell me house or find a job. I have told her I accept her anxiety disorder and understand she can have irrational thoughts which spiral uncontrollable. I myself am not a great communicator especially if I'm concerned about someone else. I like to over think things and then I freeze... She said that she is stressed and there are several contributing factors. She has not told me them. Of late we have talked about concerns that I will not move (I tried to reassure her with words that I'm trying) and I said that I was afraid she would find me boring. She assured me that my calmness helps and that I'm anything but boring. She is highly intelligent. She does have a ring on her finger from me.

So I guess the question is do I push her, let her come to me, or ignore what the stressors are?

[loveneverfails8682]

Hi, there! I really need to talk to you! Im supporting my bf with severe anxiety and trust issues and find it extremely difficult at times. Im really in fear for our future, but just want to love and help him with all my heart. Im doing everything I can for him, but he says counselling is too expensive. Any tips?