Panic attacks

Because of my very full and stressful work and school schedule my depression and anxiety are worse than usual...... But a few weeks ago my mom overdosed and had a seziure while driving and crashed. She's been completely dependent on me and my dad, she hasn't eaten in two weeks and won't stop throwing up. I'm so tired. Me and my dad can't take this anymore. Since she really is milking this for all she has, and she's always been a terrible mother and house wife. And now she's doing absolutely nothing and expects everyone else to take over everything when we both work full time. She can get up and do the dishes but she's using all this as an excuse.

I'm so tired and miserable and I keep having panic attacks cause I'm not getting enough sleep and I just can't deal with this anymore

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  • Wow! You really have a lot on your plate! If your mom can't eat and is throwing up constantly doesn't that seem legit to you? What are the signs that show you that she's not legitimately ill---besides not doing the dishes? I'm not saying you're wrong, just trying to see where the boundary lines should be. Because that's your best way to cope IMHO. Determine what is legit illness on her part and you and your Dad care for her to a reasonable extent and beyond that boundary let her take over for herself just as you and your Dad will do for yourselves.

    You and your Dad need to meet and think about the things that are absolutely necessary to get by for now and decide who will do what. Meals might be frozen dinners or fast food, whatever works in this semi-emergency period of your lives. The house doesn't have to be perfectly cleaned so decide on only what's essential and leave it at that. Do your own laundry or decide on only what's essential there, too, so it's a reduced amount getting washed and dried. Provide the minimum of services for your Mom, don't do anything she can do for herself. Be prepared for complaining and be unmoved by it. You are setting boundaries and you must stick by them or this will never work. You want to be fair to your Mom so that means if she jumps in and does her share of the work she gets to benefit by having a service like being included in a group laundry agreement if indeed one of you is doing the laundry for you both.

    All of these measures are to provide more time for you and your Dad to get much needed rest and to provide time to meet any other needs you may have, and to avoid resentment over your Mom not being responsible for her share of the labor.

  • I hope that you are taking care of yourself as well. My gosh- I can't imagine having to "live" like that. I hope that you and your dad are able to get your mom the help she needs even if she needs time away so you all can recover.

  • Thank you, ya I think time away for her would help us all

  • I hope that the arrangements can come for real. You can still love someone and get recharged at the same time. Is there a safe place for real that your mom could go?

  • Excuse me.... or is there a place you could go even for a little while? I hope so- sometimes time away can help recharge and help with grounding as well. You sound like a good soul.

  • Me and my dad are thinking about having my mom stay with her mom for a while

  • I hope this works out as you all get your lives back together.

  • Thank you so much

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