Panic attacks/anxiety and depression over taking me

Hi I'm a 36 year old female. I've been struggling with panic attacks and Anxiety and depression since I was 19 years old. I've been on different types of medication Zoloft and Prozac and also Xanax since struggling with this mental illness. There will be times when for months or even a couple of years I would not have an incident at all. But being in my 30s it seems like I have an incident just about every year or so sometime they would last months. i've been really struggling the last few months actually scratch that this last year I don't even take care of my personal parents as much I don't clean up the house like I'm supposed to I just want to sleep endlessly. I also struggle with insomnia. My mind keeps me up at night thinking about ridiculous things that ice "worry about" I even struggle at work and I get overwhelmed even though I do things one thing one day at a time. Even though I feel this way I tend to try to put a happy face and act like nothings wrong but inside I feel tormented. I even taken of hobbies to keep my mind busy so just crocheting and other craft activities but yet sometimes that's that doesn't help at all. I question my self worth a lot. Even my husband notices and I keep asking myself I want to how much longer he's going to put up with this and eventually leave me. That's for my children I have a teenage daughter and a kindergartner and I hope and pray that they don't have to struggle and feel the way I do. I feel lost and alone. Leaving to try to talk to my closest friends they don't grasp or understand what I feel because they don't have this mental illness. I wish my brain will process a different way but unfortunately it doesn't. At times I just want to sleep and never wake up. But I can't just do that because of my daughters. It wouldn't be fair for them. Taking medication for this illness makes me feel like a zombie at times my emotions feel so generic. It's like here take this happy pill you'll feel better once you take this. Why can I just feel happy like a normal person without the constant worry or the what if's or do you do this tonight or what's everybody thinking of me. The constant racing of my mind of needless thoughts. I'm not sure what else I could do like a said been struggling with this since I was 19 years old and now I'm 36 and still struggling with this. It gets worse when I lose a loved one in the family. I just want to be the sane person. I want to be able to take on the day without worry I'm feeling tormented inside is that too much to ask?

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  • please go back to your doctor and do more work on your medication so he can help you get it right and you can actually stop feeling like a zombie when you take it and start living a happier, more fulfilling existence. It is possible but the key is you have to continously work with your doctor to get the medication.right where it needs to be and that goal post will shift from time to time and you have to keep up with it too.

    I have had major depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and narcolepsy since I was a child. I only got diagnosed when I was 35.

    Back when I was younger, I used to be the popular kid on campus, partied and had was friendly with all people but deep down I was nothing but a tormented soul. When I tried to talk about my depression or anxiety, it got yelled at, or told it was my fault and stuff so I quit and continued pretending. Eventually, the walls started coming down around me and the harder I tried to keep things working the worse it all kept getting until eventually, it seemed my body developed a mind of its own and I could not even get out of bed, and had tremors constantly. I would laugh about how the TV was always shaking when in fact it was my body that was shaking. I used to imagine myself turning into a bubblehead doll cause I just could not sit still.

    I had to get back on my meds after a lapse just last February 1st and using what I learnt from my first many years on years, I made sure to go from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, doctor to doctor, in order to get my meds titrated to the point that even though I am less than 2 months on meds, I no longer deal with depression, anxiety, panic attacks ,i sleep like a baby, and I already have a prescription for armodafinial and tomorrow, I see another doctor to get me some stimulants for my adhd.

    Even though doctors are there to take care of us and all, they are not angels but human beings. The onus is still up to each of us to take charge of thee managing of our own mental health.

    it is your brain. Your doctor has probably never experienced depression, anxiety or panic attacks. Your doctors have probably never had a suicidal thought in their entire lives so it is up to you to do your homework. Do research, make sure they know how you feel: if you feel like a zombie, then obviously the doctor has not done his job well and he needs to know so he can correct the problem. If you are depressed, you need to let the doctor know so he can do his job to get you to a state were you are no longer depressed. For insomnia, instead or lying awake, see your sleep doctor and tell him you are not sleeping well so he can do his job well. There is absolutely no reason why you should settle for a lower quality of life just cause.

    "there is no reason why you should choose to suffer needlessly" .. Dr Oz

  • I completely agree with kobojunkie in that you should talk to your doctor because you should not accept feeling like a junkie or having your mind keep you up at night or racing or have it worrying and thinking things over and over (OCD=obsessive compulsive thinking) or being zombie-like. None of these things are right and you shouldn't accept them. Your doctor should be called when you feel any of these problems so your meds can be adjusted or changed until you feel just right. Then you can return to being happy as is normal for you. All of us have differing normals and we shouldn't change from who we are before becoming clinically depressed.

    It's only natural that you'll be affected by the death of a family member and that's going to be according to how close you were. When one family has so many so close together as yours, there's a general depressed feeling over everyone that needs to be recognized so that you let yourself be lifted up by other good things and excuse yourself for allowing yourself to be more positive and uplifted in your difficult circumstances without feeling disrespectful toward any other family members. This is healthy and good for all of the remaining family members.

    I wish you great joy and a special peace during this challenging time in your life.

  • Hi,

    I've just been diagnosed with depression and have just started medication and have a lot of side effects you're experiencing. Have you ever tried seeing a counsellor or a therapist as they will help you deal with the issues causing your depression and help you recognise when you start to relapse. They can help you to develop coping mechanisms in order to prevent the depression from becoming too severe again. But definitely let your doctor know how you are feeling on the medication as they might have to change it.

    I wish you well for the future.

    Take care.

  • There is a book called "Stopping the Noise in Your Head". It works.

  • do you have faith at all or would be interested to consider that journey?

  • Hello, I noticed it's been 21 days since there has been communication between you and our community members.....wondered how you're doing. We're here for you. Don't hesitate to reach out.

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