l am new and have overwhelming struggle

ln October l unexpectedly became a widow for the second time..the grief feels at times lnsurmountable..l am 61 and he was younger and always going to take care of me as l didn't feel l could go thru lt again..l have flbromyalgla and he did all the physical things that are now left to me..l have had many house problems since he passed and can't do much about them..l feel as lf l am just on a terrlbLe anxiety/grief downward spiral and am Llvlng alone for the first time ln my Life.. (my computer only types a few keys incorrectly but l have to substitute and lt can be hard to read..sorry)

10 Replies

  • I want to reply but don't know what to say.

    It happened In October so it will still be raw. Have you family or friends who can help with the practical stuff?

    I'm widowed and sometimes feel guilty at thinking about my situation more than his death.

    oh, I'm similar age - 60

  • Hi moogle, I think it would only be natural to worry about your situation now that you are without your husband. You still have your own needs to see to so please don't feel guilty. X

  • Hi Mary, I am so deeply sorry to hear that you have become a widow, and for the second time. It must be such a struggle for you now suffering from your illness on top of your grief. Your husband must have been hugely supportive to you physically and mentally. I would just like to say there is a invaluable forum called fibromyalgia action uk. You can get to chat to others the same as yourself then. I suffer from fibro myself and find it an absolute godsend. It is a very friendly and supporting forum. I'm not sure you live in the u.k or elsewhere but hopefully there is help somewhere available to you so that you can get house repairs done or a little cleaning. Please do not feel alone in your grief as someone will always be available for a chat if you feel the need to get anything off your chest. Much love to you and my deepest condolences. Xx

  • ...he was SO good to me..my gift from GOD after my first husband dled..l am trying to break the overwhelming parts down as best l can..l am ln the US on the west coast..but even from the uk the support would be wonderful..l will check them out for sure..the love and compassion ls what l offer my clients ln crlsls mental health servlces..so you can only lmaglne how wonderful lt ls to be on the reclevlng end thls time

  • Hi Mary,

    I'm a semi-new widow as of last March 2016. It's also my 1st time ever living alone. My situation is different, though, in that I have 3 sons and 2 of them are close and available to help with the things I can't do. It can get frustrating waiting on them, but at least I have the hope that they will get to things sometime, even though it's not as soon as I would like it. And I can hire help to a certain degree for some things like house cleaning (partial) and landscape/lawn service. I'm pretty fortunate.

    I'm 60 years old so I feel a certain kinship with you in that respect. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could change that loss for you but I can't.

    My husband had dementia for years before he died and had become abusive emotionally and verbally. That destroyed our relationship and by the time pancreatic cancer killed him I was sort of ready for him to die. Not entirely but ready for the stress and abuse and pain to end. So I am just fine with him gone. It was truly awful up until the end and I'm enjoying my freedom. I'm on much less medicine and I'm much less stressed than prior to his death. I've gone through dramatic changes due to this release from major stressors and people around me have noticed it. I still find myself expecting him to be home soon or to ask me a question and so on, as if he's still here. We had 42 years together married.

    You will find a lot of friendly supportive people on the fibromyalgia community so you might want to join that one. I don't think there's a better, more friendly one than that. I belong also, even though it appears that fibro is another disorder I seem to be healed of in this last year, thank God.

    Take care, Mary!

  • such gentle words..so appreciated..l felt such a suprlse when l saw your husband passed from pancreatic cancer as that ls what my first husband dled from..we had 30 years and three wonderful children who are all now married with children and Llve across country..my second husband dled of a heart lnfectlon he was only 47 and healthy..such a shock..two incredible men who loved me so much..trying so hard to focus on the blessing of so much love rather than the huge loss l feel..we both worked ln mental health together..so even at work l feel the loss..we rode to work together lunched together and home together..we were so happy..he was so great to me..l hope lf my flbro can settle down and l can get that more under control l will feel better..Thank you for caring..so glad your loss ls also a release..

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. A truly sad loss for you. I'm glad you have many good memories with him.

  • I am sorry for your terrible loss. As we know there is no substitute for a loved one. We can only do the best we can. I hope that you have supportive friends and family around you at this time. You are young and yet you have experienced this twice. I cannot even imagine it. I hope you have a senior center in your area so that you can get some support as well as help with fixing things around the house.

  • thank you so much for your klnd words..lt helps so much to share..

  • Hello, noticed it's been awhile since there was communication between you and members of our community. Was wondering how you are doing. We're all here. Please don't hesitate to write.

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