Overwhelming fear and anxiety

[pianotime]

Hi everyone, I am new here- so I want to introduce myself a little. I am a professional musician- suffered anxiety all my life, but only recently realized it is not the "normality". I had been in therapy and last therapist was just an asshole who wanted me to depends on me. So I am here, trying to connect to people who might feel the same I do and might have a work of comfort and wisdom. I have concerts coming up and part of the anxiety is a natural consequence of a life on stage- part of it it's just an overreaction to triggers. I feel exhausted and beat down at the moment- more than I would want to. I know it is possible to get out of this (I've done that many times), but it's the feeling of being overwhelmed that I cannot explain and is not understood that makes me feel really in a corner at the moment..

[Hidden]

Have you tried propranolol just for when your leading up to performing ? Do you think it's performing that triggers your anxiety ?

[pianotime in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for suggestion: I don't like using beta-blocker, because - although for some people are not connected with any emotional response- the slowing down of heart beat does (paradoxically) scare me. I do not connect my anxiety 100% with performing. The truth is abusive childhood left me with the matter of discerning what is what, and sometimes that is still too hard. The anxiety I experience right now is more tied to the fear of being disconnected and punished for daring doing too much...Similar experiences?

[jkl5500]

I'd say that yours is a special case - most people don't perform on stage before an audience for a living, and most of us who don't (like me) would be terrified at the thought of having to do it. But I assume you're over that particular fear, or you wouldn't still be a musician. As for treatment of general anxiety, there are meds that can control it, and you would have to see an MD for that. These meds have their drawbacks, but they do work in the short term.

You probably just had a lousy therapist, and I would try another one very soon. You deserve a better quality of life than this, and the right treatment (and possibly medication) can put you on the right track.

[pianotime in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you for your response. It is very easy for me to forget that I do deserve better- and that I do not have to suffer needlessly. I have an appointment on Monday with a new therapist and I hope the match will be good this time around.

[B4andafter]

I think you've received very good responses to your situation so I don't really have anything to add but to say you are doing the right thing by finding a new therapist. Wishing you the best of luck and as always, we're here to help and support.

[pianotime in reply to B4andafter]

Thank you very much: it makes a whole difference to know I am not the only person struggling with this condition and knowing I can share and be understood.

All the best to you as well!