Hello there folks, new to this group, and have been battling some awful, mind numbing depressive feelings as of late. This group was recommended to me by a friend, it's weird; I seek social communication and understanding from total strangers, as I am far too uncomfortable to talk with family or friends about any of this. So here it is.
About a year ago, I had it all. I was engaged, baby on the way, good job in the ski industry, looking at buying a house. Every single day was better than the one before. One day, I happened to notice that my fiance's belly wasn't getting any rounder, as I had kind of expected to happen. I asked her about it, and, all non-chalantly, she said that he had had an abortion. Totally mind blown. Didn't know what to say. To do. It had been about a month since she first told me about the abortion, when I found out that not only was she sleeping around, but that she was moving back to Vermont with this guy she met, online of all places!
After she left, this rollercoaster started going downhill fast. I started drinking more than a body should, I had a hard time focusing at work (which led to my eventually being laid off), and worst of all, I started lying to friends and family about how everything was fine, work was fine, life was fine. Fine, fine, fine. The worst word in the English language.
In October of 2016, I was laid off from my job, in the wake of pour sales numbers and an observed general lack of interest. No money coming in, I lost my home and was forced to take up residence at a homeless shelter in Boulder.
Didn't have too many options at this point, but somehow my parents found out about my trying times, cane to Boulder and moved me and my meager supplies home, where I have been living since early December.
Things were starting to look up. I found work in a totally new environment as opposed to ski and snowboard industry, had bought a semi-new car, had made some friends and done my best to stop thinking about Amanda. In January, I got a DUI. That brought everything to a head. Crazy crash, a huge tree came through the windshield, missing my head by a few inches. I walked away from a crash that I should not have lived through, and am plagued by dreams of the tree each and every night.
So, I guess what I'm looking for, is someone who understands my story and the trouble and pain that not only myself, but those closest to me have been through. How do to cope? How do I take steps to righting the ship, and recreating that super positive, outgoing person that I was, just a short time ago? I miss that guy, he was a good dude...