Saddness

[Mongab4]

My depression is bad. I'm starting to isolate myself. Me and my boyfriend are not in a right place. I hate that I'm so codependent on people. I feel so alone and depressed when we are not good. It makes me think horrible things about myself. Like I'm fat,ugly,worthless, everything thing is my fault.I will never be happy or have a good life. I just weight myself before picking something to eat. I keep texting him,begging him to come see me because I feel so alone. Why do I do that? Man I'm a person that wants someone to love them just as much as she loves them. I would love for someone to tell me how beautiful and how much they love me and appreciate me. I have been cheated on, beat, treated like I was worthless. I have given everything thing I mean everything. But the reason why I go hard on myself is because I'm a mother who would never want my kids treated this way. I am over protective. Because when I was a kid a lot of men did horrible things to me. I don't want them to ever go through that and be fucked up in the head like me. I don't know what to do anymore .

[BonnieSue]

I'm sorry that you've been so mistreated in your lifetime, so much more than you ever should have had to endure! It wasn't right that you were mistreated when you were young, it's never right. This alone can lead to depression and depression means feeling lonely, worthless, fat, ugly and to blame for all kinds of things that you are not to be blamed for. Depression lies to you and you need to recognize the lies are just that---LIES.

You are not ugly or fat or to blame for being abused or used and you definitely have value and are worthwhile. Do you need to read that again? You have value and are worthwhile. That's why I am taking time to write to you...you are worth my time to tell you the truth about yourself. Please believe what I'm saying to you because I don't lie.

Naturally you would like someone to tell you that you're beautiful and you're loved and appreciated but a lot of us would like that too! It's only natural! And someday you might have that, but not right now. For now you need to work on you, on healing and recovering from your current situation and codependency in general...

The best gift you can give yourself and your kids is a healthy and happy mom. You very much need a good counselor to guide you through recovery and healing. It will be a long journey. You also need a psychiatrist for your depression. I say a psychiatrist because I have a feeling you aren't a simple case and I hesitate to say go to your GP. But you decide. You can find both a psych Dr. and a counselor on the online at Psychology Today, and look at photos, philosophies, specialties, education, charges, insurance accepted and so on.

Best wishes to you.