Facing cheating

I have depression and anxiety. My problem is quite complicated. I dont trust myself and it has led to multiple cheatings on my boyfriend, i am guilty of hurting him. And recently i found out that our relationship was all a lie from the beginning as he was also cheating on me and dating another girl at the same time. I can't force him to make a choice and even if he says he choose me, part of me still fears because i trusted him wholeheartedly. I'm also hurt from how much i hurt him. I know its a toxic relationship, im a compulsive liar and i have come clean everything with him and accepted everything but i just can't forgive him or myself. And its almost impossible to let him go. I dont know what to do i will just break down anywhere sometimes and wake up in fright in the middle of the night crying or in weird hours. I have been taking anti depressant supplements but i dont think it will help. I really dont know what else i can do.

4 Replies

  • Hey honey. You should break up with him. And I say this with the upmost care. I was recently in a toxic relationship too and I knew I had to give him up but I cling onto him. He was a narcissist sociopath and a compulsive liar. It hurts so much to give up something that is so familiar and safe. But the best option is to let go. After I called him out for all his shit and forgave him multiple times. I was blamed, then he made me feel like I was insane. But after he broke up with me and forced me to accept everything, my life became sooo much better. Yes at first it hurts. It hurts like hell and you'll be really depressed. But once you start working on yourself and working on loving yourself you will feel so much happier to be free. Then you have to also figure out what you want in a relationship and what you want is trust. Someone you can trust and someone who trusts you and doesn't manipulate you. Yes it will hurt really badly and im sorry. But it's going to hurt more staying with him then letting go and bring free. You need to breath instead of suffocating.

  • What you can do is to go to a psychiatrist and get treated with effective drugs and recover yourself. And possibly be an even better version of yourself than you've ever been. It depends on how long you've been doing the dishonest behavior you mention in your message and if you decide to change that while you're changing your mood and the way you feel about several things. Getting your anxiety and depression under control with medication will free you in many ways and you might want to take advantage of that and free yourself of dishonesty and cheating on BFs while you're busy transforming. Why not? I can't think of a better time to do it if you're ready.

    I have GAD and bipolar II depression and some OCD and just a little PTSD left. All are treated with both medication and counseling and no one has to know I have these problems unless I tell them because they don't show in any way. I'm healthy and happy and at peace with myself and the world. I've run my household and raised 3 active sons with these illnesses and a handful more. I've had an ill husband and taken care of him and buried him last year. I'm extremely capable of this and more because I take care of myself by going to my psychiatrist regularly and my counselor also.

    That's my story and now you know someone who took drugs and had a good life because of it. Now I'd like to see that you also get the help that you need. What's it going to be? What is your decision to take care of you?

  • Not everyone could be as honest as you have with yourself. At least you know you have a problem, but the question you need to ask yourself is how are you going to break the cycle? I know you heard the phase karma is a B, what you do to others always come back around. Maybe you should just be single awhile and work on you?. It might be your best bet at this point.

  • Love your honesty about yourself that's huge to be able to do that for real and accept your part and you are no different than others i have trust issues and insecurities in the past i cheated bc i needed to feel wanted and always felt mine was cheating on me we ended it and are cool now but if you both are cheating it needs to be ended for both of you and as far as you cant let go i have separation anxiety and its hard to let go even when u know u dont want to but do it and slowly let go end the relationship but if u want to speak do it but fight saying anything else u will see it will get to where u dont miss him at all but make sure u control your part not him dont wait for him to do anything you do it .

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