No Joy in Life

[milkyway2222]

I'm new here, after advice from my parents to try and find something online to help with my issues. I obsess over my physical flaws. Almost every second of every day is filled with thoughts of my weight, or crooked nose, or thick thighs, etc. I don't starve myself, mostly because I'm too weak to be hungry all the time. I have a healthy bmi of 19.5 and eat fairly well, but recently me "cutting back" turned into a slight obsession. I count calories and freak out if I eat over what I've deemed my limit. If I do overeat even by 100 calories I feel huge feelings of guilt and shame that last hours, even days. Food was my life before, and now I have no joy. I'm like a walking exercising zombie and most of the time I'm too tired to even want to talk to my friends or family. I want to end my obsession, but I'm terrified to gain back the weight. My other features are horrifying, if I am fat I don't know how I will live with myself.