Misunderstood

[CathAn13]

I've struggled with depression for the 14 years I've been married, in various degrees. This week has been one of the worst. I'm having bad side effects to my anti-depressant, one of which is insomnia. After being up all night last night I confessed to my husband that I felt so low I had thoughts of suicide. He responded with "Maybe you should get fresh air. The birds are singing." In an irritated voice. I don't talk about my feelings often to him and I don't throw around the word "suicide". This is typical of how he responds. He doesn't understand that it's not about "getting fresh air" or "thinking positive thoughts." Does anyone have experience with this? Please, how do you make your significant other understand without creating conflict? I don't contradict him anymore because he gets upset.

[RiderontheStorm]

Counseling to figure out a strategy that works for you or talk with a close friend. I would think. We can't control others - only ourselves and dealing with someone that minimizes our feelings is extremely stressful. best wishes.

[BonnieSue]

I agree with the 1st comment. I believe in the tradition of counseling along with meds. You absolutely need that therapist in your corner and helping you to understand your disease and coping with it and all that goes with it. Lack of being understood and supported is so common and hurtful it's just a common part of what a counselor helps you with. Check out counselor's philosophies, specialties, educations, charges and more on the website Psychology Today.

[CathAn13 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you. I am currently seeing a counselor, but I do wish there was some way to help my husband understand that I can't just snap out of it by taking a walk.

[BonnieSue in reply to CathAn13]

Yes, I get that. Unfortunately, some people have to actually experience something to understand it.

[Willem22 in reply to BonnieSue]

It's infuriating. I just want to share my true feelings and be safe in sharing but my wife too doesn't even try to understand what Im going through. Straight away if Im crying or sad I'm asked "did you take your meds?" Like that is the sole answer. Your right you have to have a friend or therapist help you. Finding the right one is a challenge. Then your insurance changes........

[BonnieSue in reply to Willem22]

It IS infuriating! Although checking to see if you've forgotten your meds is a legit concern, I'd ask if you can get your wife to wait to ask that question at the end of your conversation...at which point she may already have heard her answer and you will have gotten to let off some steam.

[mysmugcat]

Yes I know how you feel, these throwaway comments from ppl even close to yourself. Then sometimes they surprise me and are very understanding.