Feeling better...but having a hard time enjoying things

Got threw a shitty two weeks dealing with ins co and am feeling more positive. Told myself after the ordeal that I would do my best to enjoy life more. Last night was an amazing night. There's a friend who i see every month or so and we're super into each other. (I think you know what i mean.) Had an amazing night. I wake up, we spend more time together...i feel so sexy and desired and comfortable with him. So he went back to sleep and i found myself crying. I love the time we spend together, i really do but i am sort of sad that it will be over today. I havent felt this way, in such a long time. He knows i have these issues and is very sweet and comforting but ive been having trouble sleeping. I wake up early and thats it. I cant nap anymore or sleep past 8 am. So I'm typing this while he's asleep. I wish i didnt feel this way. I think i need to keep doing things for myself, whether its a new experience or self care. But i dont want to look back at this as a sad experience. I want to remember it as it is and reflect with a happy feeling. any suggestions?

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  • It IS sad that something you treasure is at an end. But for it to be a treasure you must focus on how wonderful it has been. Right now you are mourning the end because you are living it. Try to get through this ending as best as you can and use every comfort measure you know. This is a good time to keep busy and try new experiences or do old ones that you love. But avoid anything that gets you reflecting on the past for more than a few minutes or allows you too much thinking time. Do accept that your time with your partner is over and immediately move on to the next thought. After awhile, when you feel you've emotionally moved on, you can spend a little more time reflecting back on this relationship.

  • Thank you it's not like it's not going to happen again it was just too long since I had seen him because I was sick most of December and part of January and I didn't want to hangout feeling like crap obviously

  • Oh, okay. I had a different impression!

  • Yeah sorry. He's an old friend that i 'hang out' with and it's always so much fun. But making it a point to stay positive, enjoy the rest of the day with him and keep myself busy. Btw I'm not currently working...well a lil pt job and dog sitting for neighbor. I had a really bad year and my family has stepped up and purchased the best insurance policy out there for me so I can get the best care possible with fires therapy and medication management. They're also paying the majority of my bills so whatever I'm making with my part-time jobs I'm putting half away and using the rest as sort of an allowance. I'm also seeing a nutritionist, personal trainer, and might start volunteering for Nami which is the National Alliance for mental illness. Carrie Fisher actually used to be a big supporter of them and until she passed I never heard of the organization and there's one maybe 15 minutes from my house for my County. I think that would be cool to help out and if it's just doing all this stuff for anyway that I can help out. There's really no pressure from my family as far as a timeline but later this year I'd like to possibly get back out the real world so to speak

  • It's a good thing you have family that cares for you. I hope this is a good healing time for you. What kinds of things do volunteers for NAMI do?

  • Yes I am very lucky and I'm not sure what volunteers would you for Nami that's why I'm going to go meet them and find out. Yes definitely taking the time to heal and get back to my old self which I don't really remember but i know she'll come back.

  • Just got home. Had a great weekend. Sad my time with him is over. I feel such a confidence boost when I'm with him and i think that's partly why I'm sad. That because my self esteem has been so low, the boost is nice, but then i know its going to go back down. I wish i had more confidence. I just wish my default wasnt to start crying and be sad.

  • If that's your default, do you know that's not normal? I'm concerned about you.

  • Well its off and on. Im ok most of the time. I just cant always seem to control them

  • But telling doc tomorrow. It's gotta change. That and my sleep

  • So good that you're telling the doc!

  • Its been going on for too long. He's new to me. Only second time seeing him. He upped my seroquel which gave me tightness in the chest but then i went back to my original dosage and other stuff i came for him to reevaluate. Oh i am definitely vocal. Thats never a problem.

  • Then tell it like it is, baby!

  • I'm on 800 mgs of quetiapine myself.

  • Yeah I've been on it for a while now. I dont see why he would keep me on it. I need BIG time help with the raw emotions and sleep.

    Btw crashed before 8 last night, so exhausted between 4 and a half hr sleep previous night and the emotions. Woke at 7, argh and went back to half sleep till about 9. I dont call it real sleep, bc i think too much but also fade out and in from sleep.

  • You might be on the quetiapine because, like you said, you need big time help with raw emotions and sleep. Quetiapine is a MAJOR sleep inducer and mood stabilizer for bipolar.

  • Yes but like I said he increased it last time with bad results and I have been having these raw emotions for so long and the sleep more recently so I think he's probably going to take me off that and move things around I hope so because I can't keep dealing with all of this

  • Oh, okay, I forgot about that. I hope there's something else that can handle that kind of emotion that quetiapine can't. My psych Dr. says quetiapine is a very strong drug compared to others in it's category. She just phased me off lamotrigine saying it's not very strong.

  • That'sfunny. I've been on that for a very long time 250 mg. I see him in 2 hr thank goodness. I'm a lil nervous but I'm sure he'll see how hard things have been. I'll likely be crying when i see him.

  • Yeah, so moving you to quetiapine was moving you to a much stronger medicine of the same variety. Now he'll probably go to a different variety.

  • Exactly

  • Sorry it took me awhile to get what you were saying. I was on the phone with tech support re: fixing a problem with my server.

  • no worries

  • So went to the doc today and he added lithium to my meds. Got a blood test as a baseline bc to monitor thyroid and kidney, just a cautionary thing for the drug. And had my training today. Slept better last night, crashed by 8. This morning and early afternoon couldnt stop crying but glad i had the training to distract me.

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