Having a hard time understanding what I’m feeling

[Hiccup1228]

Hello!

My severe depressive and anxiety episodes the last two months have followed a panic attack and then have been horrible for 4-5 days, then gradually getting better for 1-3 weeks but never fully returning to myself before the next panic attack. On my bad days, I have sever, dark depressive episodes 5-10x throughout the day, I don’t eat during these days and between my depressive episodes of full on crying and dark thoughts, I get anxious.

On my better days, I wake up feeling weird. I wouldn’t say depressed or anxious, but just odd. I have a pit in my stomach, very mild nausea, and almost a heart broken feeling. It reminds me of the times in the past where my husband and I would get in a bad fight before we were married, he’d call it quits and leave, and I’d wake up the next morning with the lingering affects of that.

Yesterday the feeling gradually went away throughout the day and I felt almost normal by mid afternoon. However, this morning I woke up with the feeling again, though not as bad. I meditate before going to bed at night and don’t feel anxious at all when going to bed. I don’t typically remember my dreams, but it’s possible I’m having bad dreams that takes me most of the day to get through.

I don’t know how to explain it other than it just feels weird. Anyone experience anything similar?

[Hiccup1228]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this ❤️ it’s not a fun feeling at all. I think the closest thing I could attribute it to is being heartbroken than I’m no longer myself. I don’t know why I’m feeling it, I just want to stop feeling this. I want to be the same person I was 2 months ago before all of this started. I’m starting to worry I’ll never be that person again.

[Daisy425 in reply to Hiccup1228]

I can completely understand what you are going through. About two weeks ago I had a bad panic attack and since then it has been hard to get back to my “normal” self. I’ve been talking to my therapist and doing a lot of positive self talk and reframing my thoughts. The mornings are definitely harder for me than the afternoons and evenings. It’s hard because you get so frustrated when you wake up feeling anxious. It’s a terrible feeling. Know that you are not alone❤️ I’m always happy to talk

[Dansing]

I just read somewhere . that what you are feeling is normal, it's a protection mechanism of your brain, and it's harmless.

[HisChild4ever]

I am sorry! I've had similar feelings that would be part of my life every day, but in my case, I was suffering from major depression and did not know it. God bless you!

[HisChild4ever]

We need to find ourselves support. I know that's very hard, but it helps a lot to have support and it requires some work on our part. You've been a strong person!

[HisChild4ever]

I am very sorry! Regarding panic attacks, I really don't have knowledge or experience, but treatment by mental health professionals can be helpful, although relief can take some time. I remember I used to have feelings and thoughts very similar to yours. During those times, and for years, I kept getting therapy and tried different medications, even when things would not improve much and my heart just kept suffering a lot. But I would like to encourage you to continue to seek healing and wellness. Doctors tell us that good habits make a difference and we know that we must take good care of ourselves physically, psychologically and emotionally. Sleeping enough is important for everyone, eating well is necessary for everyone, having interaction and strong relationships with others is good for everyone, and walking outside frequently is like a natural medicine for almost everyone. There are many other things that are helpful too and I hope that you never give up and that God helps you a lot with everything and your suffering ends soon.

[Josana13]

God can definitely stop it.