Standard treatment not worked, what next?

[Sclarkstone]

Hi all. I'm looking for some advice. I have depression and anxiety and ptsd, diagnosed about 5 years ago. I am on maximum dose of antidepressant. I regularly see counceller and attend mental health peer support group. I have done CBT, EMDR, trauma therapy, exposure therapy, schematic therapy. I regularly exercise, socialise, keep good sleep hygiene. I see a psychologist and psychiatrist.

However, I have daily dark thoughts of self harm and suicide. I am at the point where I am struggling to function at all and I'm not improving at all. What else can I do that I haven't already tried?

[nikki911]

Hello sorry to hear of your struggle. I feel that I am in a similar place. I have daily suicidal thoughts because I cannot manage very well with the low mood/hopeless/surreal feelings.

I wonder if they are like an intrusive thought? As in when you try not to think about, you end up thinking about it more.

Sorry I can't be of much help

Nikki

[Sclarkstone in reply to nikki911]

The dark thoughts are like images In my head, like a movie flashback montage. I can try and ignore them but it's really difficult sometimes.

[nikki911 in reply to Sclarkstone]

I've had similar before, where I have the images and then nasty thoughts that I liked the images (twisted on top of twisted). I remember having lots of CBT that helped as the images came down to a fear that I could want such awful things.

X

[nikki911]

I wonder if you would benefit from talking again to someone again just to try and help understand about these images. Also do you find they go from one thing to another, like from one extreme to the next? X

[BrookeMDraper]

Have you trIed music or art therapy. Sometimes a creative outlet helps me. Also baking and cooking as the smells can help sooth especially if your are a foodie. Just a thought.

[Hidden]

Hi. I have PTSD, MDD, GAD as well for many years. I have had the full range of medications, doctors, therapy & hospitalizations. I have had some close calls with suicide and it is NEVER to be taken lightly. I often feel the way you do even during periods of wellness. As a depressant, it is well within NORMAL parameters to have dark thoughts. You would not have on going chronic depression if you didn't think like this. This type of thinking defines us at times. I have come to accept them as part of my illness. It is not part of me. They come & go. When they stay along with other more severe symptoms, I high tail it to the doctor as I recognize I am in a danger zone.

I had a real wake up call a few years ago. It made me see these thoughts in a different and more honest way. I was a victim (hate that word) of an armed home invasion. I was held down with a knife to my throat while my home was robbed. Funny thing, when it came right down to it & my life was threatened, I fought like a wild cat. I kicked, hit, screamed bloody hell, and ran the first chance I got. I survived. So, I started questioning myself about how true these suicidal thoughts really were. I had the perfect opportunity to just let go when I was assaulted. Hmmmm???? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I find the profound sadness and hopelessness of depression almost unbearable. I really don't want to die, I just want to change the way I feel. This made me persist in learning new skills to cope & understand when it was time to turn it over to someone else to help me. Anyway, bottom line, when I felt I had no choice in live or die, I chose life. So, now I treat these thoughts as just part of my life. I measure the sucess of any treatment I have had if it keeps those thoughts just that, a thought and not an action. I have a quote for you: you have 3 choices in life, give up, give in or give it all you got. Keep moving forward!

[Hidden]

ok it looks as though you have tried a lot of things here and for a while so your endurance levels should be quite good by now after so many years. These are all natural solutions to what is in essence a spiritual/soul problem - the only way to conquer a spiritual problem is a spritual solution, you ban't expect to fight darkness in the weakness of the flesh, you need a spiritual defence against a spiritual attack.

God of course is the father of all spirits and has all the wicked spirits on a leash, never the less they have a certain amount of destructive freedom. My answer then is to turn to him. How can you do this? begin reading the new testament and by prayer if you feel ok doing it.

God does promise never to let us be tested beyond our ability to endure - we can endure a lot more though than we think though. He also promises never to leave or forsake us.

In my life as a Christian, I can say Jesus does in fact give us a light load if we do as he wants us to and this is what I commend to you, it's surely better than where you are now. The other side of it however is the cross which God gives to all Christians to carry every day, but he does help us to carry it.

[BlueJay08]

Have you tried believing in God? I mean it. If you believe in God then you believe that you will get sent to Hell for suicide and that fear has kept me from following through on some attempts. It's a backwards way to get fear to work for your survival but it's legitamit.