First time here, suffer severe anxiety amongst other things, any help pr advice be great.

[Gibbetson]

Hi, im new to this,and not shared personal info before. I have severe anxiety and a fear of crowds and enclosed spaces, so find alot of everyday things hard. Im very shy when meet new people and I don't have any friends although I have a understanding husband and young son. I want to conrtol my anxiety, and try and talk more to people as this is where I struggle with, and alot of my family don't realise how bad it can get, but for me its mind crippling. I just want to feel free from my overthinking brain and start living rather than live in fear. Any advise would be appreciated.

[BonnieSue]

I believe you're saying that your anxiety is crippling you. Okay, there's a lot you can do. First I recommend that you ask around for a referral to get a good psychiatrist to diagnose the type of anxiety you have and determine the medicine you need. Ask your friends and family to ask their Drs. who they would recommend and also do this yourself. Look at online reviews. Make an app't. with your choice and expect it to take some time to get in. If you are flexible enough that you can accept a cancellation app't. you'll get in a lot sooner.

Next, if you have any questions for me please feel free to ask. I have GAD--generalized anxiety disorder--and am very familiar with anxiety. Lastly I'm sending you my list of non-drug options for self help ideas you can do at your own speed.

Some natural remedies and non-drug sources of information are books, videos, and workbooks suggested by other people on this site:

1---"I've found David D. Burns' "Feeling Good" and "When Panic Attacks" to be very helpful."

2---"I am working through the anxiety workbook by Dr David Carbonell and it has helped immensely!!! "

3---TRE (Trauma releasing exercises) is something you can learn in a class but you don't have to talk about your problems and once you have learned the technique you can use it at home.

4---"A good book that I came across recently is "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 6th Edition" by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD. You might find this book to be of some help to you, although communicating your thoughts and feelings in a group setting is enormously helpful as well. "

5---“The book DARE, which is about anxiety. It’s a very good book about accepting anxiety and letting go of the fear. The author is Barry Mcdonagh and he also has a YouTube channel and a Facebook support group.”

6---For anxiety: Claire Weekes audio books on iTunes. “Self Held for Your Nerves” is one title that is good. You can see her on YouTube. “The Dr. Claire Weekes book is easy to understand and will help you on your way to recovery through acceptance.”

7---Another really good CD and book is the Linden method.

8---Videos on YouTube by THAT ANXIETY GUY helps with anxiety re: depersonalization/ de-realization states.

9---"Go on the psychology today site and look for a therapist that specializes in anxiety."

10---“Have you ever listened to Louise Hay on YouTube? Some of the talks help motivate you and hopefully you will feel a positive energy.”

11---“I called one of these online therapist sites. The therapist was really good. It was prestoexperts dot com. Her name was Lori Burke. Definitely a professional and she got me through this awful depression/anxiety morning.” (There is a charge for this service)

12---For meditation look at:

Tara Brach and Chopra Center

13---theworrygames.com/anxiety-f...

14---“AnxietyNoMore” by Paul Bywater. A phone app.

15---“At Last a Life” book by Paul David.

16---The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

By: Matthew McKay PhD, Jeffrey Wood PsyD, Jeffrey Brantley MD

A Clear and Effective Approach to Learning DBT Skills

First developed for treating borderline personality disorder, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has proven effective as treatment for a range of other mental health problems, especially for those characterized by overwhelming emotions. Research shows that DBT can improve your ability to handle distress without losing control and acting destructively. In order to make use of these techniques, you need to build skills in four key areas-distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.

Source: NewHarbingerPublications

Caution for non-Buddhists: Zen Buddhism inspired aspects of DBT, along with behavioral science and dialectical philosophy. Source: GoodTherapy.com.

[KI-100 in reply to BonnieSue]

Great list of resources, BonnieSue! Thanks! I like the paradigm of acceptance by Dr. Claire Weekes in "Hope and Help for your Nerves", and I would also add "Don't Panic" by Dr. Reid Wilson to the list.

[Hidden]

Hi there. I hear you and completely get what you are feeling. I have been living with severe anxiety & panic attacks for more years than I can count. I have tried everything. The bottom line is anxiety disorders can't be cured BUT they can be managed. The first step you have already done which is tell someone. The next step is see your family doctor and lay it all out. Write it down before you go. When, where, what, who makes you anxious. What you have tried? Do you self medicate with alcohol or other substances. I say this because many anxiety sufferers do. Your doctor will take over from there. There are many techniques, medications, therapy to help you manage this. You don't & shouldn't have to do this on your own. Bottom line, you probably can't. You already know this, as you have tried. I finally got considerable relief when I worked with my doctor & mental health professionals. I practice mindfulness, breathing exercises, CT, exercise & medication. I no longer have those horrendous panic attacks. I can control my anxiety so it doesn't escalate to that level. I needed to educate myself so I read everything I could get my hands on. Family & friends are great but explaining anxiety to people who have never had it is like trying to explain what color looks like to a blind person. You are on the right track. Be patient and kind to yourself. It will take a bit of time but you will feel better. Keep me posted. I know exactly how you feel.

[Gibbetson in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. To be honest its reassuring to know others feel the same,and your right is so hard explaining to some people how I feel, all I hear is you have to try or throw yourself in the deep end. I have been on meds in past, and none are right for me, they all mess with my head more, so only med take is diazepam,I don't drink alcohol at all.

I just wish I could be more confident with conversations, thats where I really struggle with,I actually have alot to say but can never express that with words, as I often stutter or forget words, then I get really self concious so I don't carry on convo sometimes, my memory from past events is really bad to, struggle remembering much.

I have started some mindfulness techniques and doing certain brain and breathing exercises. Thanks for your advice is much appreciated, to be honest nice to open up about it, as I have no one apart from my husband to do this to, so thank you for listening and taking your time out.

It is very hard but we need to stick together to help ease our anxiety. Please feel free to talk to me to,and will try to give advice and support to you. I hope you are keeping well and the mindfulness is helping you.

[Hidden]

Sounds like you are already doing a lot to ease the anxiety. I have the opposite problems with talking. I have a lot to say too. My problem is I have no pause control and can't stop talking. I feel very anxious in social situation so I am prone to this annoying nervous chatter to cover up my anxiety. This drives my anxiety thru the roof & I have to make myself take a time out. Both our problems come with the old saying " be careful what you wish for". Maybe someday, we will both find some middle ground with our talking problem. About the diazapam, I tried it and it really effective my memory. I couldn't remember words or how to pronounce them. So weird! Did you forget words before starting diazapam? After going thru many different medications, the only one that worked for me was zanax. Working with my doctor, we have got the anti anxiety & anti depressants down to a very low dose. I wanted to recommend a very good mindfulness program. It is called MINDSHIFT. You can download it to your phone from Google Playstore. I use this frequently to refocus myself and to keep my anxiety from escalating. Keep in touch.

[Gibbetson in reply to Hidden]

Yeah im trying, thats all can do. Sounds like we both have difficulties with talking. Im the same with taking a time out, sometimes I have to remind myself to say more.

I have forgotten words for a while, think sometimes my mouth says the words before my brain has thought about what I want to say,that's why sometimes I dont say much.as worry going to mess it up or stutter,then get nervous so just be quiet.

Thanks will look that app up,and will let you know how get on.

I hope you are keeping well, and anything I can help you with or if you want to talk then im here.

[BonnieSue]

Hi Gibbetson,

Do you find that when you take your diazepam you don't overthink so much? Are there any other things that are better for you when you're on your diazepam? Is it good for you to socialize here with us online? Will that help you for in-person relationships? If so, we can certainly talk here.

I'm fortunate that my anxiety went from horrible to under control almost always with medication. I've been on Tranxene/clorazepate and then Klonopin/clonazepam for the last 29 years. At 1st I was very shaky and jittery and couldn't eat or sleep except for 15 minutes or so from exhaustion. Then after 15 minutes I'd wake from the anxiety. It was torture. This happened at about 31 years of age and this also happened about the same age for 1 of my 3 sons. I'd have to distract myself with anything I could to try to calm myself down. Eventually I made an appointment with my 1st psychiatrist and got put on Tranxene and that started my feeling better.

A symptom that came before 31 years of age is social anxiety. I had a problem getting up in front of a classroom and speaking. My voice would desert me. I couldn't present a paper in college or read aloud in high school...I'd lose my voice. It would get all quivering an then be gone. I couldn't reason why because I wasn't shy and had been presenting papers and reading aloud since I was little without any trouble. I had no self esteem problems so why was I losing my voice? Did this happen to you?

I hope you are doing even a little bit better today than yesterday. Take care.

[Gibbetson in reply to BonnieSue]

To be honest I only take the diazepam when feel need it not every day, as it makes me feel calmer but also get extremely sleepy. I think is helping socializing here, as were all in the same boat, and feel people here understand and dont judge, unlike some peole do.

Sounds like you have also had your stare of anxiety, im glad to hear that its helped you.

I just dont no how to speak to new people and some people I already no, weather its in a supermarket, people I no but dont see as much, I just feel nervous and cant think of what to say,its much more worse with more people, especially if some people have bigger personalities and more unspoken.

Im feeling bit better today, and is helping talking on here, have found it very helpful, and have looked up book reccomendations you sent and are helping to. Thank you for taking the time to help, much appreciated.

[BonnieSue in reply to Gibbetson]

A simple thing to keep in mind is that people are often interested in themselves. So if you show an interest in THEM, you can get along well with greeting them in stores and other public places. I had a friend who always looked at some article of clothing or other detail of a woman's appearance that she could compliment and darn if I didn't believe her even when I knew what she was doing when she complimented me! She'd say "The blue in your top looks good on you" or "I like your bracelet". I always felt good about what she'd said! It worked! And if you do that you've started the conversation in the winner's circle and you didn't have to get personal or reveal anything about yourself. Often people will tell you where they got the article of clothing and what a bargain it was and so forth. Now all you have to do is nod and smile and agree it certainly was a bargain.

But also be prepared for some simple questions. Know what the weather is expected to do as this is a common subject. Remember to wish everyone a "great rest of your day" as you part. Or else a "great rest of your week" or a "great weekend". Just stay on top of what day today is. And be aware of any special holidays like days off work and Valentine's and so forth. This means a lot to other people for you to remember these little things.

If you have to, take notes before you go out in public. Look up the weather for the next few days. Note where you are in the week and any holidays coming and certainly any days for most people to be off work. Anything else you can think of? I'll bet you can. Something I forgot...hmmm. It's not coming to me.

I hope this helps. It should get you through some everyday situations.

[hannah821]

I suffer from the same exact maladies as you. It helps if I have company with me when I go places as it lessens my fear of a lot of people which can be overwhelming to me. A psychiatrist can help out with antidepressant drugs. Try breathing exercises - watch your breathing - it turns off your mind and relaxes you. I mean watch while you are taking in and releasing air.

[Gibbetson]

Thank you for your advice, will take it on board. It can help going out with others, but not always, sometimes its noise in places or feel I'm being looked at or judged, even tho others are probably not even looking at me, just need to work on this,easier said than done. I hope your keeping well, how are you doing?

[Hidden]

Hi again. I see you are from the U.K. I am from Canada so the names of the stores I am going to mention might not mean anything to you. These are BIG box stores. I was not able to stay in WalMart or Costco for more than 10 minutes before I had to abandon my cart in the aisle and high tail it out of there in a full blown panic attack. Now I can go an hour and without my little service dog. I got my pet registered as a service emotional support dog to see if having something that always calms me would work. It changed my life. All she really does is keep me focused on her and not all the noise, lights, people, confusing choices to make i.e. " I just want a can of beans but there are 15 kinds to choose from". That is very overwhelming for someone who is already having anxiety. It may seem simple to the average Joe, but combined with loud speakers going, music, dull roar of everyone talking, kids crying, people banging into you, it was just impossible to deal with. Over time, I noticed I wasn't almost running in the aisles just to get it over with and that I was staying longer. Well, today I can stay an hour by myself. Essentially what my dog did, without me even knowing, was keep me in a constant state of mindfulness. I was totally focused on her. I was in the moment. My moment! I found I was having lots of social chats with people in the store as they always stopped me to pet my dog and talk about her. She is very cute! So, now I had proof that mindfulness works & I practice it frequently throughout my day. Sometimes it is just stopping for 30 seconds to take some deep breaths before I continue on. I also say to myself, stop, slow down, look around you and refocus on where and what you are doing. It doesn't come overnight. It takes practice. I recently read an article about people with anxiety that helped me to understand why out of nowhere I just get slammed with these feelings. The article said that we are overly sensitive to sounds, sights, smells and too many thoughts coming at us at once. Our brain gets confused as we can't process the information as fast as we receive it. When that happens, our brain goes into an over protective state and starts producing more cortisone & and adrenaline as it thinks it is being attacked. The result, ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACK. Made perfect sense to me. On a good note the article went on to explain we have excellent skills when it comes to organizing and being prepared for unforeseen events. We always have a plan B. This is very true of me. I never let the gas tank go below a half tank, I am always early for appointments, and I never run out of milk for my tea in the morning. Now that last one is important LOL. I always know where my keys are and I check a map before I go somewhere new so I don't get lost. See, there is an upside to this nasty problem of ours. I want to share a quote with you " if you can't handle me at my worst than you certainly don't deserve me at my best". I say that to myself when people start getting frustrated with me when I am anxious and can't stop talking. I use to feel humiliated and embarrassed. I don't anymore. Talk to you soon. Breathe!