social anxiety

[silverbeatl]

I have been a hermit lately because I fear other people's judgment. I feel like people make fun of me wherever I go or are sarcastic with me pretending to like or care about me. Makes me really sad. I also struggle with depression already.

[Ddorne]

You don't know what people are thinking. If you feel others are being sarcastic just ignore them.You can't let this make you a hermit

[silverbeatl in reply to Ddorne]

I just feel like people make judgmental or critical comments or are making fun of me wherever I go that I feel are directed at me. So it just makes me want to stay at home and not interact with anyone.

[Ronkoz]

i understand how you feel. it helped me to start making a place comfortable for me - the coffeeshop, the store, etc. i do think people judge but i find that they judge everyone and everything so youre safe there. truly, ive seen a person look at me and i can feel the go away and yeah that may suck but then i hopefully find the right spot or right group and it feels ok agaon. best of luck - i am in an extremely anxious period but i feel more ok with it

[Lara4228]

Hi,

I agree with Ronkoz. People do judge, but often their judgement goes away the moment they look at you

I used to be the same way too, I learned to overcome that fear by challenging it (and the other people too!). If they would look at me, I would stare them down. It made them feel uncomfortable and look the other way and it made me feel more in control of me.

Hugs

Xoxox

[silverbeatl in reply to Lara4228]

I feel that people are sarcastic with me and are making fun of me. So I don't like interacting with people anymore. I feel like everyone is judging me and looking down on me. I wish I didn't feel that way.

[Lara4228 in reply to silverbeatl]

Silverbeatl,

How old are you?

[silverbeatl in reply to Lara4228]

37

[Lara4228 in reply to silverbeatl]

Seeing that we are close in age, I am going to assume that you yourself are actually sarcastic, in your own mind. I say this, because it seems as though you might be projecting your own negative feelings (and I don't mean to insult you, please take this in an objective manner) onto those you see around you.

Anxiety sometimes works this way.

For example, I am female. I am a plus size girl. I am also 39 years old. When I have my social anxiety flare, often I portray those around me (shopping, functions, etc) as seeing my body as really large and fat and thus they think....e how can her fiancé (who is a size small/medium, very tiny guy) be with someone so big.

Before I actually process and believe those thoughts, I ask myself FIRST, is this me thinking this or did I actually hear someone say this?

99.999990% of the time, it is my own thoughts projecting what truly bothers me and my daily thoughts and not those who "look" at me.

Another thing I do to help with my anxiety, is I keep telling myself, I am not a mind reader. I truly cannot tell what other people think of me. So I need to mentally click 'ignore' and pretend it didn't happen.

In your scenario, you feel as though they are sarcastic. Are they truly? Or are you sarcastic? What have they outwardly said or done to 'prove' their sarcasm?

One big thing to help us get over our anxiety (and it doesn't leave us, anxiety stays and creeps up from time to time even though you get a hold of it), is to prove to yourself it's actuality and hard core facts. You will find most often than not...we project those fears on our own. Shitty as that sounds.

Next time you go out. Truly test these fears. When you feel like someone is judging you, as yourself...how are they? What concrete proof do you have to feel this way.

Reality is, everyone judges. It is our human nature to feel 'safe'. Judging cannot be helped. Even the animal kingdom does it, more so than humans! It is their first response to fight or flight or feeling safe.

Hugs

Xoxox

[silverbeatl]

I'm not sarcastic. I hate sarcasm because it is cruel and judgmental. I just used to have a lot harder time picking up on it. But now I seem to notice it everywhere I go. I notice people insulting me and my intelligence through signs or subtle hints.