What should I do now?

[kkat97]

Hello! I'm new here, and honestly I just needed a place to talk about what I have been going through. I feel disconnected from the people around me, and I so desperately want to be seen by anyone. Not in the sense of having attention, just finding people who care enough to try and know the darkest parts of myself that even I am afraid of. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for several years. I finally went to the counselors office at my university and that helped a little, but eventually I was started on medication by my doctor. I had gotten to the point where my thought process and abilities were affected almost constantly. Since being on the medication, I have improved. But lately I have felt like I was going back to that bad place. I have started going back to the counselor, but I feel like I can't get her to understand how I feel. I can't communicate the feeling of a dark cloud and heavy weight hanging over me and the immense fear that always in the back of my mind. I get a lot of the same responses that don't really help anything. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to admit that I am getting worse again because I don't want to seem like I can't handle life. But I also know that I need help, I just don't know where to get it. Any advice on what to do next?

[KathysKid2016]

I understand how you feel. I feel like the dark cloud never leaves me, and no one really understands that I can't help how I feel or what happens inside me. So, I hide myself (both emotionally and physically) from everyone. Sounds like your counselor doesn't have much experience in dealing with anxiety. Are you able to switch to another counselor or therapist? I found one that has 12 years experience in dealing specifically with anxiety and depression. She gets me! But, I still have to do the work to retrain my thought process and it is HARD. One thing that helps me is practicing mindfulness. Google "mindfulness therapy for anxiety" and you'll get tons of good sites that will teach you how to do it. Stay strong! We can fight this together! Hope this helps!

[kinikia95 ADAA Volunteer]

Hi kkat,

We all want to be understood. Have you thought about going back to your doctor? Perhaps s/he could adjust your meds. There's no shame in that, dosages often need to be tweaked over time. If it worked for you once it can work again.