Where do I belong now...

I don't mind saying my age, 57...The world has changed, my children grown, the loss of my fiance a few yrs back, and due to a bad relationship I ended 3 yrs ago, im scared to try again. Plus, who's going to want to deal with my ups & downs with, CFS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My husband of 21 yrs abandoned me during the worst part of my illness.

Then I wait 7 yrs to learn to cope with illness in my 40's, and met a sweetheart of a man only to lose him to cancer , 5 weeks before we were to be married, when we were 47 yrs of age...Not fair ! (2010)

I lost my mother last yr, and I live so far away from extended family. My girlfriends are married or in relationships.

I truly don't know where I "fit" or what I want to do anymore. My anxiety makes me panic at times,,especially during nighttime when I can't sleep. I worry about rising rent, where I will end up, and what makes me happy ?

I help homeless feral cats, but that too, is overwhelming at times & no one wants to help me, so I feel alone in my efforts.

Days turn into nights, and nights into days...i feel like I just exist, not knowing where to go & what to do anymore.

Does anyone else feel this way? No matter what age ?

[hypercat54]

Hi I think this is much more common when we get older as we start losing loved ones and friends. We constantly have to adjust to changes in our lifestyle and getting to a certain age makes it much harder. You lose the hope you once had and how you think your life should have turned out. A sense of failure and futility can then creep in. At least you have children - I don't. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

You wrote exactly how I'm feeling. Yes, I have children, but they are always so busy. They keep telling me to go live life, be happy.

I do try to find groups or things to do when I'm feeling ok and up during the daytime.

All I seem to meet are people who want to drink too much, party. I don't want to do that. I find it hard to trust some people today, too. Makes for a lonely life.

My cats comfort me...

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

I don't know what country you are in but in the UK there are several nationwide groups that don't revolve around drinking and partying. If you are in the USA I don't know but surely there are some there too? x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I am in the USA. Maybe I should try again. There are some Meetup groups. Maybe my fear , anxiety, holds me back right now to try..

Where I live people have changed. Not all people, but I find some greedy, all abt how they look & money. I'm pretty simple, none of that means anything to me.

I've noticed more people in my age group drink a lot & some do drugs, are so stressed out. Makes me sad.

Do you see that where you live in the UK?

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Oh yes. Here the Govt. only seem to care about youngsters drinking but I think middle aged people are the worst. I suppose young people are seen as more valuable as they are the future rather than us the old has beens! After all the sooner we pop our clogs the less pensions they will have to pay! x

[Hidden]

Hi kitty

I’m so Sorry for how you feel and to hear if the sad loss of your partner and your mum. 😔

Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Olivia40. Hugs to you. Life's journey isn't always fair, is it...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Not at all fair no.

Sending some good wishes your way

X

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thx & to you

[a_work_in_progress]

Hi kitty I’m your age and am going through a lot of the same feelings. It’s tough to get old, be far from family and friends. I feel so lonely most of the time. Then I come here and realize I’m not alone.

[Hidden in reply to a_work_in_progress]

It is nice to come here to chat and see I'm not alone with thoughts like this.

[a_work_in_progress in reply to Hidden]

Yes you are right about that I was here last night at 12:30 I couldn’t sleep and back again this morning at five. I don’t feel so bad knowing there is someone else out there to share thoughts and feelings and get encouragement

[Hidden in reply to a_work_in_progress]

Big hugs to you !

[deblhotchkiss]

I’m 58 and feel like you do a lot. My kids are grown and are on the other side if the country. You have gone through a lot. More than I have have, but the feeling of “where do I fit” is very strong. So much of your post could have been written by me, especially the part about feeling like I’m just existing. I feel that way all the time. This is just to say you are not alone. I think the late 50s are just so hard. I sincerely hope for better days for you.

[Hidden]

Thank you, Deb..sending you big hugs, too!

I don't know yet how to change this feeling? Should I move for a change, which is costly. Should I keep trying to find groups in our age bracket, but when I feel anxious and gloomy, I will end up quitting... Do I try a different medication?

When I worked full time, I felt similar feelings as this then,too. What is wrong with me ....why can't I just move on from it, just do things I enjoy, with or without people...?

I hope you have a nice day!

[deblhotchkiss in reply to Hidden]

I don’t know the answers to your questions. I wish I did. I’m struggling just as you are. Maybe a new medication would help. I’m on trintellix now and it seems to be helping. All I know for sure is that we have to keep trying and not give up. Sometimes I force myself to do things even though I don’t feel like it and am surprised that I enjoy myself. Don’t not try to find groups to join just because you might quit. You might surprise yourself and really enjoy and stick with them. If you do quit, at least you tried and you’re no worse off than when you started. Take things one day at a time and try to engage in the world as much as you can. Hugs right back to you and I hope you have a good day too!

[Hidden in reply to deblhotchkiss]

Thank you !

[Pagesofwords]

Do you like to read? I have found reading books a source of great pleasure. Best wishes to you.

[Hidden in reply to Pagesofwords]

My mind has felt so scrambled, but usually I do like reading and learning new things.

Thank you Pagesofwords.

Blessings to you