Feeling a bit lonely

Just wanted to get some thoughts off as I am feeling a bit lonely. I live in NZ away from my family in the UK. I have a lovely husband and two great daughters who are all supportive of my anxiety/depression so I am lucky. Last year I lost both my parents and this involved heaps of travelling to UK and back and the grief of losing them both. I also lost my job. During that year, I developed a 'name' phobia which I can't seem to get rid of and makes me quite scared to go into town, shopping or stiuff like that in case I see someone and I can't think of their name..( I live in a small town). I have also suffered with depression for a few years. So 2012 was a bad year.

This year I was doing really well and getting much better mentally when my husband, (he is 62), was diagnosed with a serious heart condition. This has changed my usually very fit and active man into a shell of what he was, I just hope time and rest will see him improve.So, I have gone sideways and it's like living on a knife's edge and I just feel so lonely at times.Am tearful as I write this.I am trying to be so strong but it's hard at times.Life has changed so dramatically.I have good friends but still seem to feel alone.

Thank you for the support i get from this site. I just felt that I needed to get these thioughts written down. You are all great and I know there are some much wworse off than me but just so lonely at times.

5 Replies

  • I have never experienced grief so I'm not going to pretend to try and understand how you feel. It is quite obvious, though, that you are a person who cares deeply for the people close to you. That makes you a lovely person. I'm sure that your hubby being diagnosed with a heart condition is a positive step. He is young and can look to be treated effectively. I've never heard of name phobia. It must be awful. I'm wondering how often you actually need to know a person's name when you bump in to them in town. It's recognition of a face that triggers emotion and forms the basis of what you say to them. What's the time in NZ? The great thing about this site is that it's full of crazy people like me who don't sleep! That means there's always someone reading your blogs soon after you write them. Speak soon x

  • You are about 12 hours behind us, it's 8.30pm now. But our clocks change on Sunday so then you will be 11 hours behind NZ. The name phobia is awful and I can't seem to shake it off. Have been under psych for a few months and he is good but this setback with my husband has set me back a little. thanks for your reply, This is such a great site and I know from other blogs, that you are one of the most supportive people here,

    I thank you for that.Have a good day. xx

  • Hi there just to say that I read your post too. Grief is a thing that takes a while to get over if thats the right word, I lost both my parents 8 years ago and still really miss them both. The fact that you are far away from home, probably makes you feel more lonely when you get that feeling. Years ago I went through that Anxiety type thing and hated going out and meeting people, so I know what you mean, I dont want to start all about myself, but my piece of hope to you is that it passed, stress was a trigger but all in all I never went back to that anxiety state again. You will over all this, but it will take time and a few tears,

    I am glad you wrote and please dont feel too alone, I live alone and often feel lonely, so it is hard too at times. I find this site great and feel I have friends here who are always here too.

    If I was In N.Z I would phone you up and meet you for coffee, so if you ever come to Dublin we can have coffee.

    It must have been hard too about your husband, illness is a big shock in anyones life, but hopefully he will recover and get back to a balance, keep yourself well and take things day by day. Big hug to you.


  • Hi

    It sounds as if you are having a really hard time. I'ts hard to come to terms with loss and must be doubly hard when you are such a long way from your family. Your husband's deteriorating health will involve more loss - of what he was and what might have been, so you are having to cope with a lot. I can identify with you as am in a similar position, dealting with grief whilst also coping with a husband whose health is deteriorating with end stage renal failure. I share with you the difficulty in being close to tears and feeling at times unable to think well enough to remember people's names, etc.

    Is there anyone you can turn to for support near where you live now? Maybe a friend, or if not then a service you can turn to. I think it would help you to have some support particularly in view of your husband's health problems at a fairly young age. I wonder whether there is a support group, if not whether you could start one? There will be other people struggling too. Perhaps there is a social worker at the hospital who may know of one.

    About not remembering people's names, why not just say I'm sorry but I'm having a problem remembering names at the moment even with people I know well - I doubt people will think badly of you and you may find you get talking and one or two offer support in other ways too. It's important not to isolate yourself just because you are feeling stressed and depressed as that will only make things worse.

    I hope your husband's health improves and you find some support


  • Thank you so much for your replies. They are very supportive and I am sure I will conquer these fears/ anxiety, just takes time and patience. I am quite a strong person really, it's just so much has happened over the last year. So pleased you are over your problems Photogeek.

    We live in a very small town with not many services but I do have the support of good friends so am lucky really. I am feeling much better today as my husband is having a good day too. Long may it last.

    Thanks to Photogeek and Secondhandrose for taking time to read my blog and answering. Your support is great, I got quite tearful reading your replies. This site has some truly wonderful people. I am so glad that I found it. xxx

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