I need help and advice please - it can't be only me"

4 years ago I had a breakdown bought on for the most part by an emotionally abusive relationship. Since then I have fought back regaining my self respect and pride and even holding down a job even though its only a few hours. I can't work any more than this as there doesn't seem to be a month go by when I am not ill and/or depressed.

I thought my fortunes had changed a couple of years ago when I met a kind and caring man and everything has been going well, he has accepted my past and the repercussions of it and everything looked rosy, until he was promoted. Now I seem to frustrate him, he wants to take control of things and if I don't go along with it he loses his temper. I'm not perfect and I know my behaviour can be challenging so I can understand. Now though he has taken to belittling me in front of his new boss, his son and my parents.

I have tried to talk to him but he says he said the things as a joke, but he wasn't laughing and neither was anyone else. He says I am too sensitive, irrational and I over think things.

I know depression, fear anxiety all of them are hard to deal with but why after two years has it suddenly become impossible for him to be with me?

I am so lonely and depressed and he won't even answer my calls.

8 Replies

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  • Hi, no it doesn't have to be you. Some years ago - days before my depression (seems a lifetime) my boyfriend was promoted, and things changed - we'd been together two years and then suddenly after his promotion, he became insanely jealous - why I've no idea. It was him that had changed and not me. He couldn't see it but myself and others noticed it. So after two years I was with a different man. Had the same thing years later when I married, everything was fine, then he moved jobs, so we relocated and then again the man I married was different. I'm sure they don't mean to do these things, but when you fall in love with one person and then end up with a different person. So do not take it personally, oh and I hate the phrase "too sensitive" that's what I was constantly told. All it means is we have a heart and feelings. Easier said than believing. Even my son tells me "mum you are too sensitive" he's 24. You've caught me on a positive day. If I had said anything yesterday, it would have been a totally different story I'm writing. Chin up, and remember you are not alone! Hugs to you.

  • Thank you I'm trying to be positive but in truth I've been in bed for,two days. I don't want to move. I have no one to talk to and can't get an appointment with the dr. I know I'm going down hill. Depression is so lonely.

  • Hi i am new to it on here also but one thing i have learnt already is that although we are not in the room together, we are all going through this together, try and cling to any nice and positive words you get as sometimes they can make just a smidgen of difference, i have just started anti depressants and awaiting counselling as i am rock bottom, feel worthless, on edge and i feel it would be better with me not around at times, i am also on the very edge of a breakdown and so fragile right now. I have no idea why people chose to think it is a feather in their cap to belittle us or be ignorant and not fully support or understand our illness, i can't give advice on where you should go with this relationship but i do believe if you have friends or family who understand please speak to them, i have next to nobody and that just generates the old brain into overdrive. Sorry my ramblings may be useless but it is how my brain is at the moment. Nice to chat with you and please like me keep posting on here. Chatting really helps at times. Good luck and please feel free to message me at anytime.

    Gary

  • Hi Gary. Thank you for replying. I have no one I speak with either. At work I keep myself to myself. I don't trust people anymore. Once I am here I see no one and speak to no one. What I can say on a positive note to you is after my breakdown I received so much help and gradually was able to take control again. I am still on meds but they have weaned me off the strong stuff so when something like this happens I have no buffer or coping strategy. Sometimes it would be easier if mental illness gave you spots or made you limp. If there was a physical symptom then maybe others wouldn't inflict further injury. Wow I'm so full of self pity today :(

  • Hi I hope u r ok how awful being in an abusive relationship but glad you got out of it. I think your new partner wants full control of u and is putting u down in front of people, you need to put a stop to this now as it will only get worse as time goes. I no you are depressed so am I and its hard to live with us but we r not well and don't deserve to be treated like this. U r worth more. All the best..take care x

  • Even though my wife has taken the kids out because she is trying to not let them see Daddy slumped and down all the time, i miss them like mad, but i know it's for the best because if/when my hip gets replaced then i need to be back at work, this though is a long process, i truly do not want to leave the house and am very teary, self blame and i feel useless. My head does not stop whirring start of day till finish. Please stay in touch we can keep talking and helping each other.

    Hope to hear back soon.

    Gary

  • Gary, part of my recovery was getting my mind off negative thoughts which wasn't easy. Once my meds kicked in it was easier and I found i could lose,myself doing stuff I,had never tried before from spodges of paint on cheap paper supposedly flowers to doing jigsaw puzzles borrowed from charity shops. You are lucky to have a wife and children around you x

  • Thanks Annie. I found this site by chance while camped out in my bed and Gary said posting here would help and he is right. It helps to know your not going mad or wallowing in pity ad that it is an illness. I don't know what's going on with my partner, I don't know whether his boss acts the same way with his partner and he is copying in an effort to impress or if,th job is putting a strain on him and he is hitting out. Either way I have mentally struggled so hard for so long to get well and I have to focus on that. I'm hoping that if I write this down it will help someone else and also that if I read what I have written my mind will take in what I have been taught.

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