I need help

[Endlessnightmare]

I feel like his every day, I am trapped in toxic environment at the moment. My mother insisted I come to stay with her during my divorce (biggest mistake I ever made) she needed help financially and I have two young daughters and a very demanding career so I thought it was a win win. that was two years ago. In one of the nastiest Divorces I have lost everything I once thought was so important. I fought with everything I had to protect my daughters keeping them in therapy and counseling. Due to a series of horrible actions by my now ex husband I lost my job of 15 years (he stole my car, emptied my bank, ran up all of our credit cards, disposed of all our assets and completely abandoned our children) I am suffering from severe anxiety and depression. My mother thinks this all made up and I just do not want to take care of my children. She has become so angry and abusive, she refuses to help me in any way. I know things will get better this will no last forever, but every day gets worse and her constant insults, put downs, just mean hurtful hateful comments and actions have isolated me from the rest of my family that until recently was very lose, very supportive and loving. I have few friends left, and the ones I do have are sick of seeing me spiral downwards, sick of hearing about my horrible life and divorce. I am so lost and broken. so alone and surrounded by hate I do not know how to rebuild my life and be happy again

[sweetiepye]

Hello Endless, I'm sorry for what's happened to you and for the lack of support. It's not unusual for family or friends to abandon one after a time. They are usually willing to listen, but when it comes to actually doing anything they seem to disappear . So the reality is your girls have only you to rely on and you're going to have to be strong for them. Are you in therapy or counseling ? I would think for a time it might be more useful for you than for your girls. Just an idea to consider. Because she is not my Mother I can ignore your Mother's opinions. What she says and does means nothing to me . She is just a cranky older lady who is probably unhappy with her life and there you are a victim, an easy target at the moment. If you can move do it, if not try to remember to separate yourself from her as much as possible. and make your girls feel the three of you are a team. L et them know how you feel and that you have a plan. They will feel more in control if they know what to expect. Now , you need a plan so you're going to have to do some thinking, consider your options. I know you probably have, but do it again.

I have recovered from anxiety and panic disorder. It hits you when you're down. The bottom line is you have to face your fears. If you're afraid do it anyway. You will be uncomfortable and it's ok to feel that way. Remember it can only last for so long, you will be weak with relief but you can keep on going. Anxiety lies to you, you are not dying, you won't collapse, you will think you are, but no you are not. I didn't mean to write a book, I could write more. Remember you have supporters on here who will be happy to listen and offer their advice. Please be good to yourself and let me know how you are getting on. Pam

[hypercat54]

Hi you have been through some horrible experiences but hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up and move on in time.

I am a bit puzzled how your ex could steal your car and all your assests etc. Were they all in his sole name? If they were in your name then it shouldn't have been possible and if in joint names then surely your signature would have been required as well? I am not doubting your word but am confused. If it was done illegally then did you inform the police and your bank?

Also how did he make you lose your job?

I don't know if you are working again yet but if so can you afford to move out from your mothers home? If so then I would immediately as it's clearly affecting you living with her. It can't be much fun for your children either. x

[Endlessnightmare in reply to hypercat54]

he stole my suv out of the driveway, we each had the second set of keys to each others cars. I called the police to report it stolen but they said it was marital property so it was half his and was a civil matter. He wrote himself checks from my checkbook overdrawing my accounts that were closed and sent to collections. I worked from 1 pm to 10 pm for a trucking company. He was with our daughters in the evening, on multiple occasions he would bring our daughters down to my work and leave them inn my office, as I was the 2nd shift Operations Manager I was always running around the terminal. Once my boss found out that my 7 & 2 year old were being dropped in my office he told me that was not acceptable and if it happened again he would have to let me go. I explained the situation and I always had them picked up with in an hour or so of him leaving them, or I would take my lunch and drop them at a friends until I got off work. My ex didn't care that I was going to lose my job, he wanted to go out with his friends, he wanted to be single and kid free. there is no way I would still be here if I had any other place to live with my children, as soon as I can afford it we will be moving... this causes me a lot of anxiety as I have never lived by myself before ever... and knowing my ex husband, once I move the harassment will start all over again...

[hypercat54]

Oh I see. I still can't understand how he could write cheques on your account and the bank isn't liable?

You need to move so your ex can't find you. If he does you can take an injunction against him. You are not a helpless victim you know! Get back your power from him and from your toxic mother and stand your ground. That's my advice for what it's worth. x

[Endlessnightmare]

He gets visitation with the girls, he barely shows, but I would never keep his daughters from him. They want to see him, go with him, spend time with him. I have had restraining orders against him before, he violates them left and right. Never gets in any trouble. He will stay until the police get here, he wears suits and ties to work and he looks like a really nice, good guy. He is always very respectful to the police and even though he is directly violating the order by just being near my home the police always accommodate him and ask me nicely to just be nice " he just wants to see his children" or " he is just trying to get a personal belonging that he obviously needs" they act like I should just work with him and I am the difficult one! Honestly there are never any negative consequences to his actions EVER! I am not playing a helpless victim, but after years of dealing with this same bull over and over I know how it works