Need some help and advice

[KellyB92]

I new to this and after another awful weekend self inflicted as usual, I'm feeling worse than ever. I'm 22 and have been on anti depressants (fluoxetine) and anti anxiety tablets (propanolol) since I was 18. I lost my job around 6 months ago and am having trouble with finances and debt this has made my symptoms 100 times worse and recently have been prescribed sleeping tablets. Even though the medications I am on help me I still feel terrible everyday and drink excessive amounts of alcohol which makes me then make stupid decisions which push my friends and family away from me. This has happened a number of times and recently it's getting more frequent, it's become a horrible recurrent cycle that I just dont seem to be able to get away from. I worry, feel anxious and depressed and then think I'll have a drink which turns into sometimes two or more bottles of wine. I then feel even more terrible the next day all my symptoms amplified by 100 sometimes I can't get back to my normal self again for up to three or four days but then it all starts over again. I know that stopping drinking will stop this but I don't seem to be able to. I'm not an alcoholic but I feel I'm stuck in a rut at the moment and even though I try my hardest to think okay let's stop this now I soon fall back into the cycle again.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks xx

[Hidden]

Hi Kelly I am sorry you are feeling this way and welcome to the site.

I am going to be blunt - if you know the drink is making you worse and you can't stop then maybe you are on the way to alcoholism? An alki isn't just someone who is on the streets on a park bench - it is defined as anyone who drinks to excess who finds it very hard to stop. You also sound like you go on benders which is another characteristic.

I know a lot of people turn to legal drugs, drinking, smoking etc. as a crutch for emotional problems and I am guilty of that myself but I can stop and do which is the crucial difference. Maybe you should seek alcohol counselling? Or I know it's a clique but maybe pay your doctors a visit and see if they can help. You obviously can't continue like this so you have to take action now before it gets any worse. Thank's what I think anyway. Stay with us here as we are a very supportive and friendly bunch who will try and help all we can. It's nice to meet you. x

[Michelle1974]

Hi Kelly B92

I am Michelle I am depressed and I take Prozac at 60 mg per day. I have diazepam as well.

My depression came on as part of the awful mental and physical problems negligent surgery left me with.

You are not alone and you are normal as normal as normal can be.

Who says what is right or wrong is only their opinion as there is no set of rules for life and how we live it. Most people sense,learn ,copy and they have trial runs ,sometimes these runs result in negativity sometimes positivity.

Like myself where do you start to try and improve things but what happens if you have no strength and self esteem to do so. We'll I don't know that either.

Like yourself I am at the stage when you and only you can start the recovery.

I have lived from my bedroom for ten years due to health reasons and mental ones.

I need company and to mix in with others and I do try this I can have a bedroom full at times. Other times and I feel ashamed to admit,if I am wanted on the telephone they can leave a message,if there is someone at my front door and I am not expecting anyone then I ignore door bell as I was out, if I know I am expecting someone I will do my upmost best to cancel them and oh my do you lose friends that way,especially if it's at short notice because anxiety has taken over and I just can't do it. By the way people I know don't understand how I can't go out at times,I can. You feel like you are tied up,you would give all to be ready and go out of that door but the fear/ dislike of doing so is stronger than the want. The feelings you get following you straight after are the guilt and worthlessness you know only you can fix it and that's why I think we find it so hard and daunting.

I can tell you ,you are not alone I promise you that. I have found everyone who uses this forum is friendly and understanding.

You get many replies you can post back on and it's rather therapeutic at times,I look forward to going on the site it helps the time pass and helps the way I feel.

Going back to your wine when I was well I used to have a couple of glasses on a Monday night and a couple on a Saturday night I am unable to drink at all now.

I know advice would be go to your nearest A A group but that's going out . To sum it up you will get nervous and anxious on the days of your meetings so you would drink more to help ,so in a way it would contribute to your alcohol intake and then when they phone to see where you are you suffer guilt.

Have you tried juggling it around a little and chose two evenings to drink no more that a bottle of wine. Then the other 5 days could be your treat days,can you online shop?

It could be a new hobby or new book a film that you have wanted to a lipstick or even a hair brush,that way you would also have something to look forward to,perhaps if you find yourself drinking after after four nights,four nights will be a bonus to you and you will be able to do it again as you are strong and you deserve to start living a life,remember you are important and please don't beat yourself up about things out of your control,it's not until you think about it a lot of our things in life are out of our control,the weather,petrol costs,food costs the bus being too full to get on and have to wait for the next. Bird poo all down your front window in the house,your cooker or fridge playing up.

The only thing we can do is do what we are capable to do to try and sort it.

If it takes you longer so be it. My mum always says everybody lives a different life to another and if you are happy with something or you are happy and safe the way you do it and it has no bad effect on anyone so be it.

Would it work if you could include your family and friends more,perhaps tell them more.

Tell them this is not your choice of life as if it was it would be different but this is what it has come down to,try to understand me ,i promise i will be true to you all if you can get through this with me and I will try as hard as you can to change things,I might have a bad day or a blip but we are all allowed them.

Do you think if you told them the above there would be any changes.

As for debt it was blight of my life until my husband and I faced up to it and went to citizens advice,they can't help with the money but they take as much stress away from you that they can,they get the people you owe to deal with them and you should stop getting all the nasty letters and phone calls. They will make arrangements for paying it off at certain amounts of money,you could have only £1 to give the debtors a month and they normally have to accept it,they can't have what you have not got it's just important that you get help and then the interest on the balance should be stopped.

If all your debt is unsecured you are in a better position than if it is. Obviously it's great to have a mortgage and buy your own house and or if things go pear shaped you are not at risk of losing your roof above your head,

It's been tough but we have paid a lot of ours off but then it is secured on our house.

Theses are all my opinions and waffle I don't want to have mis informed you.

Make an appointment at citizens advice,tell anyone pestering for money that it's out of your hands and they need to wait for citizens advice to contact them. Then why don't you try writing your family a letter believe me it's easier on you. You can also tell them that you are starting to sort things out. Please only take from this what you want.its been so long a reply as I was trying to advise you as much as I could. Remember though it is only my opinion but I think some of it may help or at least real use you are not alone.

Big hug

Michelle x

[Photogeek]

Hi Kelly . World Health Organisatiins definition of an alcoholic is Anyone who

Finds that drink Interferes is their personal, social work or home life.

Alcohol seems to be the problem here and the fact that your finding

It difficult to stop, is not a good sign.

You need help and do t feel bad about this, go to your GP and tell them

What you have said here and hopefully you will get the help and support

To stop drinking to excess. Apart from damaging your mental health

Alcohol can damage your liver, especially in women. My advice is

GP and take it from there Kelley.

Giving up drink won't be easy but it's worth it as you

Can a good life if you do.

Let us know how you are Kelley.

Warm hugs

Hannah xx

[wallflower_fairy]

Hey Kelley,

Welcome to the community.

I've been meaning to reply and have only just gotten around to it now. Your situations sounds really stressful, and it does sound like things are getting over whelming and becoming out of your control.

I understand the cycle you're in to do with drinking alcohol certainly isn't helping matters, and trying to get out of drinking when you find things challenging - which I can see is something you would like to achieve - will certainly be a big step towards improving your situation but it won't solve everything. When I was depressed, my go to was chocolate - comfort eating. It affected my physical health and this soon became a problem in it's own right. I managed to significantly reduce my chocolate intake (almost completely; since Christmas it's a bit higher but certainly nothing compared to what it used to be) and made some other changes to my diet and things did improve with my physical health. But most of the problems I had which lead me to comfort eating in the first place were still there. It can be very easy to slip into the cycle, especially when it feels like there is no other way of coping, and very difficult to get out of.

It seems to be your drinking is a secondary problem to the other problems you describe, so unless we can treat the source, I think giving up drinking will be harder as I believe it's your coping mechanism. Although they are alternative coping strategies which can learned with guidance or individually.

My first stop would be the doctor. You could bring up the drinking but definitely bring up the depression and say it's something you're really struggling with - it might be worth pointing out some of the things that have exacerbated your symptoms just to give your doctor a more general understanding of your situation. I think you also need to review your medication and treatment plan, maybe to include talking therapy if you're not already having it. I would make an emergency appointment, and it might be worth taking a friend with you.

Which brings me on to my second point - is there anyone you can confide in about this situation? I know your instinct is to push your friends and family away but they love you and might be able to help. At the very least, they could provide the support you need to get better, even if it's just to lend an listening ear. I strongly advise that you confide in at least one close friend about this, and then you're not dealing with the situation alone. I'm sure if someone else is aware of what's going on it will seem so much less daunting.

If you're really in trouble with money, your family wouldn't want you to bottle this up either. I don't know if there is anyone close who's position to help out financially, but there's no shame in bringing this up with someone you trust, maybe your Mum or Dad? I know people don't always feel comfortable with owing money to people they know, but it's better to owe money this way than officially - one of the problems with debts is that any money paid towards it is used up on interest and doesn't even scratch the surface of what a person actually owes. If it's possible it might be worth considering. I definitely agree with Michelle about going to the Citizens Advice Bureau.

I was wondering if you might also consider, if and once you've spoken to your family, moving back in with them for a while, if this is feasible. Just until you're in a stronger position. You're very unwell at the moment with depression so it sounds like you would benefit from being around people who can care for you rather than spending your time alone - I'm assuming you live alone but could be wrong. Also, if you're living with you family, then go could give up the property you're staying in now and this would also help the financial situation.

If there's one thing I want you to take from this post it's this: Don't carry this alone - although you've already done a fantastic job by posting so be proud of yourself. Most people wouldn't have the courage to reach out. But talk to someone directly, don't bottle it up. And if you really feel you can't get the words out or face speaking to someone in person, then I would definitely recommend Michelle's advice about writing them a letter and getting down all of your thoughts and feelings that way.

I hope some of this helps. I understand not all of it may be useful but I just wanted to explore every possible avenue. Please let us know how you're doing.

Best wishes,

wanderingwallflower xx

P.S. Have edited this loads so if you've read this and noticed mistakes the first time, it should be clearer now.

[Unsure2]

Hi Kelly,

How are you doing now?

I'm just going back through old posts and have seen this was 5 months ago and just wanted to check how you were doing?

Did you get a new job? And how's the anxiety now?

I await would reply