Younger brother (33yrs old) has been struggling more and more with his mental state as time passes over last 10 years. He's intelligent and everyone loves him, at least at first. When I talk to him I sometimes say to myself immediately after; why am I being so hard on him? Then i realize he's just saying whatever to convince me and himself he's fine for that moment so he doesn't have to deal with it. His actions never change. I finally convinced him to move in with my wife and I. He's had a string of mentally ill or "project" roommates, the last being a much younger guy who was on S.S.I. for schizophrenia, who should NOT have been living unsupervised especially with another person who struggles with mental illness. The apartment he was in when we moved him out was an unholy level of filth I have never in my life seen the likes of. However nasty you imagine it could be is not enough...When he first moved in we thought if we get him in a more normal environment clean his stuff up he'd see how strange he had been living and try to take some action. So first thing I cleaned his car out. It was infested with fleas or something there was a film of filth on the inside of the windows I had to scrape off before I could clean it with window cleaner. My wife is a nurse physically took him to a doctor to get meds for his ADHD which is diagnosed, he's been taking them since but refuses to change dosage or meds(not working all day, has side effects). But I think it's more than just ADHD going on...
So here's where we're at currently. He does work a third shift job typically 11-12hrs a night making near minimum wage. But he works it because he's afraid to change literally anything in his life and because it keeps him secluded which he wants for some reason, even though he complains about his job and being single most times I see him. I've told him he can stop working I'll pay his bills for three months so he can regroup do nothing and figure out his next step in life, he refuses, he already doesn't pay rent...My wife has to get him to shower by nagging him for days or weeks. He's been here 6 months has only taken 4 showers. Doesn't brush teeth cut his hair etc..his breath smells like rotting meat, it has made me gag on more than once. He looks like Charles Manson, but refuses to cut his hair or beard. He eats only once a day at 3 am when he gets off and will only eat McDonald's or steak and shake and will sometimes eat udf ice cream because he "doesn't get enough calories". His body odor has a chemical smell I assume is from the amount of grease and corn syrup he consumes. He comes home goes immediately to his room watches Netflix for three or four hours on an old slow laptop, sleeps til he's almost, or is late for work gets up immediately walks out the door without brushing his teeth, changing clothes, etc...
I'm at a loss. And I've tried everything i know to do. If I kick him out I know where he'll end up, but even with us trying to help him and encourage him he refuses or uses his natural charm to make us and himself feel like hes trying to change just long enough to get us off his back til his next day off, when he'll have to talk to us again. On his days off he sleeps most of the day, but gets mad if you wake him up or gets mad that he slept so long and wasted his day off. He will eventually come upstairs like he hasn't been an insane person all week act totally normal for an hour or two then go outside read and smoke or run errands til he knows we'll be in bed then come home with McDonald's or steak and shake and watch Netflix for hours again. It's shear utter madness. I've gotten mad at him confronted him with it he'll say I know you're right I'm going to change, but never does anything different than what I've described. I've made appointments with counselors then he just doesn't go. I've had two friends stick their necks out and vouch for him to get him a job (well one a job, one an interview) in an actual trade that he refused or didn't take action on. He's miserable, has no friends, has only ever had one girlfriend is a virgin and terrified of women and sex, has OCD tendencies, ADHD, some form of bi polar or schizophrenia, I don't know what to do at what point do I kick him out. If he wasn't so scared of death, I would be afraid of suicide. But on the other hand he's super empathetic, is everyone's friend, people that meet him once love him ask me about him constantly, if we can get him out like socially which has happened a couple times he's Jim Carey(in looks and actions) pre-beard, but at home in his private life he's beardy Jim carey, and that's not cool no one likes that guy not even that guy...
God, this is way longer than intended. My apologies. Typing it out has been therapeutic for me though... If you have any advice or have been in a similar situation with a loved one and got them through would love to chat. Will elaborate further if clarity is needed on anything I've written. Also, know this was written quickly and I intend to post it without rereading it first so it's not softened or edited in any way. Lastly, there's so much more and I really hit probably only the points that bother me most, but I love him and I don't want to kick him out to a life of seclusion and growing mental illness most likely to the point of death. I've talked to doctors, a psychiatrist, preachers, homeless guys, I've run the gamut on trying to help this guy, but he doesn't want help he doesn't want to get better. This is almost a last ditch effort, but if he leaves and then kills himself or deteriorates into what I know he will inevitably deteriorate into, I don't know...he's got so much potential to help people who are in his current situation if he'd just help his damn self first
Traumatized because of my boyfriend
crisis team help for my son.
Broken
PARTNER WITH DEPRESSION IN MAKING ME LOSE THR WILL TO LIVE HELP!!
