Someone just checked in on me to see if I was OK and I always think that is so sweet - when someone misses you being around the forum
And I am not quite sure what is wrong at the moment - I suspect as I keep writing this post it will become clearer - it's usually what happens!
I woke up this morning and my first thought was "Excellent, it's only 6:30, plenty of time to get out and do an hours worth of digging in the garden" immediately followed by me sagging back onto the bed, scowling as I remembered the big chunks of chocolate I ate yesterday.
I just don't know what is wrong with me. I know I can do this, God until only a month or two ago I was out exercising and eating well and planning meals and logging food and loving it and now... I just can't seem to find the energy to get with the programme.
I have been chowing down for 3 days straight and when I got on the scales this morning I was actually pleasantly surprised. Usually I am really precise about exactly what I weigh - I can guess it to within a few 100 grams but lately I assume I am heavier than I actually am because of the junk I have been eating.
I feel out of synch, like my brain and my body are not quite on the same page. Sometimes my body is "Yep lets go!" and my brain responds with "Meh, not yet" or vice versa.
I think maybe I am depressed and I just don't want to face that. Since January I have been taking large doses of magnesium for heart issue but within a few weeks the depression I had suffered with for decades started to lift and has been great until 2 months ago when it all seemed to fall in a heap
I don't want to admit that I maybe falling back into depression because I don't want to admit that the natural cure I seemed to have found was no longer working and I would have to reconsider medication if I wanted to beat this thing.
Problem is any antidepressants I have tried in the past have left me kind of numb to the world and have never seen me inclined to eat properly or exercise because I don't feel motivated to make a change because I am feeling numb to everything.
Aaarrrgh - and lately I seem to be able to mentally trap myself into not doing exercise so efficiently!
So here is the thought process at the moment.
1. Right its morning so I really should go for a walk.
2. Well the backyard has to be finished and all that digging and shifting soil is physical so you should use that as your exercise and its been sitting there not done for weeks so do that because if you go for a walk you'll just be thinking you should be doing that instead!
3. But then I'll get filthy and I just can't be arsed picking up that shovel, maybe I'll just see whats on TV news ands go do it soon
4.Oh crap now I only have half an hour and I should start getting ready for work soon....
So I don't go for a walk because I figure if I have the time and energy to go for a power walk I should be using that to finish this backyard that has been going on for weeks but I hate doing the backyard so I find a reason not to....beautifully constructed Catch 22 I must say.
If I just got the back yard finished I'd feel like I really achieved something which would help with my depression and would also then allow me to start walking and cycling again without thinking I should be doing something else and that physicality each day then helps massively with my depression.
Soooo I need to write a list of all the things I need to do in the backyard and the order in which they have to be done, assign a number of hours to each task and put them into a calendar so I can come up with an end date and start working towards it.
And I know this is not necessarily a cure for my depression but I think finishing this will then get me back in the swing of things and the physical activity will make a massive difference to my mood.
I guess I have just gotten into a routine of avoidance and its time to make a plan and get myself out of that cycle.
Right! If you read all of that I am sure it was fascinating hearing about the muddy hole in my backyard - - not - but I am starting to feel a little better and thanks for hanging in there!
Time to get off the net and start making the list.
Have a good day all !
š
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Dave1961
25kg
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Funny thing about depression is that at a time when you really need other people, somehow you find yourself retreating from the world and digging yourself a deep pit (excuse the pun).
It sounds as if your back yard has become your achilles heel, a thing to avoid and a reason for opting out of doing the very things that make you feel better.
Is there any way you could put it on a back burner for a while and give yourself a break? Maybe tell yourself that you're not going to do anything with it for a fortnight and give yourself permission to go for those walks and bike rides that lift your mood and make life worth living again. As a consequence, this may also give you the strength to control your eating binges, which will make you feel better still. If you can get yourself to this happier place, you could then make your list, but make sure you don't ask too much of yourself, eg your goal will be to go for a walk, then do 15 mins in the yard and gradually increase these increments as you feel able. Your yard's not going anywhere, so a bit like weight loss, slow and steady wins the race
Another tip, get back to posting. You obviously enjoy it and everyone on here loves you to bits, this group therapy is what keeps us all going and it's not just about weight loss. I was in a very dark and lonely place 7 weeks ago and since joining this forum, I'm now able to get out and face the world - not quite the life and soul of the party yet, but getting there
Never feel guilty for posting your feelings, good or bad, because I suspect there's someone out there reading that's feeling very much the same, but hasn't quite got the strength to open up about it. You'd be doing us all a favour, because we all miss you on here United we stand, divided we fall!
I'm really routing for you Dave, you can do this and we can help. All the very best to you.
Thanks Moreless this is such a lovely post to read
Unfortunately I can not just shelve the backyard - I see it everytime I walk into the living room and it's a constant reminder to me but I HAVE put together my project plan and so far I am on track with the daily tasks I have set myself. Just being able to cross things off a list helps a sense of accomplishment.
I know I'll get out from under and thanks so much for your kind words.
Sorry to hear that you are not feeling up to all if this... But it sounds to me like you have a good idea what's going on.
Three thoughts occurred to me when reading your post.
The first is that maybe a low dose anti-depressant might be called for? Just to get things balanced a bit? Or, even better in some opinion, a talking therapy?
The second is, are you actually happy with your weight and size/shape? I don't mean slap bang in the middle of your weight range, or that all the wobbly bits that shouldn't have wobbled have stopped wobbling.... Are you, in your own head, content with where you have got to? That could be the root cause of your procrastination?
The final thought is that, have you lulled yourself in to a false sense of security? I recall that you recently went to the aid of a good friend in her hour of need. You said you went of diet then and ate lots that you know you shouldn't have. Did the fact that you didn't wake up one morning to find that you had arrived at your original starting point lead your subconscious to believe that you don't *really* need to do so much exercise and you don't *really* need to be so controlling over what you eat.
You say yourself that the cure for this particular problem is planning your exercise, maybe you need to plan your meals in advance too, until you get back into the "zone"?!
Well, I hope my ramblings make some sense and possibly even help a little - if not, then I'll blame the fact that I started replying at around 5.30am.... And nobody's brain works that early in the day šµ!!!!
Thanks Nic I just get blown away when people really think about others on the forum on this way
I have tried low dose high does and at least 5 different antidepressant with little success. I just don't think I am one of those people that is built to process them well.
I am definitely not happy with where I am at - I am just doing that classic thing so many of us do where we promise we will start again tomorrow. I love planning my week ahead meals wise and its something I did every week and would then order groceries online - all worked very smoothly and I know focussing back on that kind of thing will get me out of this funk.
Thx so much for your thoughts and yes I agree - meditation is wonderful and I guess like so many people who try it and fined they like it...we then for some reason stop doing it....its on the list!
Please, please, please keep coming back here....i and others find your humour and support amazing! You have been an inspiration, and you have given sensible advice rooted in your own experiences.
I would miss you - so don't you dare stop posting! I'll have to come over and hunt you down if you do!!!
Sometimes I just do nothing to avoid doing something I really want to do (in my house like your garden) . In fact I always feel better for just doing something. Give yourself a break and if you going for a walk makes you feel better then do that not the garden! I am on a very low does of anti d's mainly for PMT and I still feel "connected" if you know what I mean. Good luck x
I hear ya - TV is my go to for avoidance, unfortunately lately I have started to become more picky about what I enjoy watching so it gets more difficult to just watch some trash on TV to escape!
Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment... believe it will pass, you have beaten it in the past and you'll do it again
Personally I would like to change what you just wrote to read...
'FORTUNATELY lately I have started to become more picky about what I enjoy watching so it gets more difficult to just watch some trash on TV to escape'
As I read that, I saw that as a big positive!
Television has a huge impact on mood, eating habits and motivation, but many people don't realise it. The fact that you are no longer enjoying just any old rubbish seems to me to indicate your mindset is changing - even though you feel you are struggling at the moment, you are in fact making big steps forward by desiring a more satisfying life full of achievement.
Motivation is a strange little beast... you have it when everything in the garden feels rosy, but then when you need it the most, it seems to disappear!... these are your learning times, your opportunities to change what you have done in the past to achieve a different outcome
These are the times when being able to kick your own butt, and do even one small thing can have a big knock on effect and end up making the biggest difference.
These are the times when you have to start first, and then motivation will kick in...
Just a suggestion, it may be helpful, it may not, what about posting pictures of your back yard on here... progress pictures? I'm sure we'd all like to see, you have a great following!
It may help you remain accountable to yourself to continue to do little bits (no need to overwhelm yourself, one bit at a time) and by sharing, we all get to enjoy the process with you?
Just a thought...
I hope you are feeling better as it's been a couple of days since your post, you're a fighter that's for sure!
Oh dear Dave this doesn't sound like you, perhaps the upset of loosing a friend has had more of an impact than you first thought? I know when you went to look after your friend after her husband passed was to give her support but maybe it had more of an impact on you than you anticipated . I too have lost a friend in the same awful circumstances and I can't stop wondering if there was anything I could have said or done to stop it and like you I have suffered for years with depression and I understand how difficult it is to pull yourself round when your down. The one positive thing is that you can talk on here to us and unload your thoughts and hopefully you will start to feel better I agree that exercise could be the answer, keep going Dave you know you can do it šš» sending you a big hug š
This feels like a big hug As you know depression isn't always just a constant, we have our good and bad days within it. I think you are right - it can't just be coincidence that this started happening at the same time that I went to see my friend. I'll get there, I know I will.
Its an interesting concept isn't it? Trying to work out if we are looking after ourselves? I have sat here and really thought about your question and I guess...I don't know
In the end what we need to be is our own best friend but often those of us who battle issues like our weight have become our own worst enemies, often being negative and demeaning to ourselves. I guess thats why I find that question hard to answer because if we truly were looking after ourselves we wouldn't be on the forum ... and I am getting way too deep here!
But thanks for the reminder and I will try and ease up on myself. I think poart of it is recognising the past 2 years have seen massive changes in my life and then something like this suicide coming on top of all that has just made me stumble a bit. I'll get there esp. with people like yourself around
Poor old Bert - I don't know that he feels like he is wining at the moment either! Feeling more in control and better now I have my list and have been ticking things off!
Hi Dave, seems like your time away interrupted your flow of good eating and exercise, it's really hard to get back in the right mindset when that happens, you already know what works for you, it's just getting back in the "zone" and I'm afraid I don't have any advice for that except keep trying because your body will give you positive feedback if you move it and eat well! I also like the suggestion about leaving the back yard for a bit if it's becoming an excuse to procrastinate, and maybe then set aside specific time to work on it with a time limit with something more pleasant planned for after your two hours or whatever is up. Or if you can afford it pay someone to do it so you can focus on excercise you actually enjoy! It's really hard with the depression because so many factors affect your emotions, it's not like you can have a blood test to see what your levels are! But for sure the walking and cycling you were doing were helping with your mood so that puts them at higher priority than your back yard for how you feel not just for weight control. āļø
Dave, just to put it simply, aside from the weight-loss plans and psychological stuff etc (but not wanting to belittle those problems of course), sounds like you've got a pretty standard case of procrastinat-itis. Another tip to add to the above list - state your intention to do something on here, as a blog post. You've kind of done this saying you'll write that list, but basically then come back on and tell us you've done it. If you look back through my posts I've done this a few times. Early on when I was doing couch to 5k I wrote a post just to say I was stating my intention to cycle into town today, then people replied to say they'd hold me to it, and then I came back on here afterwards to say I did it. I've kind of based all my exercise-posts since then on that sort of formula. When you're procrastinating, whether its depression related, or tied in with motivating yourself to lose weight, nothing helps as much as a bunch of friendly cheerleaders cheering you through your every move. And we're all here ready to go, pom poms, high kicks, everything š£ššš
Excellent idea and I realised that once IO made the list there were around 30 separate tasks and about 60 hours of work so I suspect it was a bit of procrastinating but there also just not knowing where to start. My sore arms are testament to the fact that things are happening
Just a very quick thought, "Are you still in the same job?" I remember when you started talking about becoming interested in exercise how you used to walk around the shop to increase your steps for the day. Maybe this small thing would spike your interest in exercise once again. I agree with the others if the back yard task is getting you down put it to one side for a few weeks until you are feeling in a better place and remember to keep posting. You never know, sounding off on here where you will get replies from many may trigger an improvement in your mood. Take care.
If only we could identify what it is in our brain that suddenly makes us think "Right - I am ready now"!
I am just not one of those people that can look at the backyard, a big dirty mess, and tell myself to shelve it for a few weeks. But the list is done and I am in action so its on the way to being finished!
Hi Dave, it was good to read your post and I can really relate to it. I have a number of tasks to do which I dislike, including weekly cleaning and diy. To get me over this I do one or two of the following things:
I try to brake the task down into smaller more manageable portions. For instance, I have the hallway to paint, so I set myself a target of just painting one wall per day or even a segment of wall. When I've completed that task, I reward myself with a walk or a cup of coffee or a visit to friends or relatives. This makes the end of each daily task seem easier, despite the having to clean tools etc every day.
I solicit help from other people, family, friends or even paid help. Working with someone can be so much nicer, particularly if the other person is a good conversationalist.
If like me, your fitness levels are not as good as they were and particularly with heart issues, both of the above would be a wise move.
The great thing about working with people, is that it can be a fantastic way of broadening ones outlook on life, it can be instrumental in building lasting bonds and kick depression into the history books.
I find solitary exercise to be quite lonely and I don't like clubs and gyms. By widening my social circles, I have found others who like me, would rather exercise on a more casual basis. It's nice when one of my friends phones up and says "do you fancy going out for a walk".
My outlook is much the same with dieting. I'm steadily reducing my weight but am not overly hard on myself, because this is the way intend to live for the rest of my life. I have no intention of depriving myself, and I allow myself to overindulge and have treats but, I make sure this happens much, much less than it did in the past.
I'm not sure where you live and the social structure may be a little different than where I live. I live on the outskirts of London and have found a few very localised Facebook sites which have enabled me to meet similar minded people locally. I discuss a number of issues with like minded people both publicly and in private. Issues range from childcare to local history. If I was in your position, I would simply post a message saying "I need assistance sorting out my yard. Any help or advice will be gratefully received". You may be surprised at the amount of practical support and advice you receive.
Thankyou this is such a wonderful post, so thoughtfully given.
And its nice to see someone understands the heart issues challenge when it comes to this kind of thing. If I work myself to hard in the backyard, moving soil and working hard, for more than 20 minutes or so I can be pretty certain I will have to deal with arrhythmia later in the day. I'm sti9ll earning what I can and can't do I guess.
I will definitely try your suggestion and look around for something like the FB group you mention. How nice that something that we often see as isolating (social media) has had a positive effect for you
Hi Dave, I too have missed your comments and advice and you are obviously very gifted at writing. I think most people on this forum have been in the place you're in right now. I certainly know that feeling of not being motivated to do anything except eat.
Lots have people have given advice. I hope you manage to get back on track soon, we all miss you.
Hi Dave I can't add much to what people have already said, but it really sounds as though you've got out of your routine ? AND you have stopped posting here so much as well ! You might think you aren't posting because you aren't doing so well, but perhaps a little bit of the problem is that you aren't doing so well because you aren't posting ?! Maybe you are being less accountable !
Also, I appreciate you have depression problems, but before you get into a downward spiral and expect the worst i.e. that it is the mental health problems rearing it's ugly head again - rest assured that I reckon everyone gets to a certain stage on their weight loss journey, gets into a rut, loses their momentum, gets out of a routine, gives up and eats - all those problems are natural. Don't worry about it being anything else for now, until you really think otherwise.
Plan just a few days of your exercise routine, healthy eating AND STICK TO IT See how you feel after that - it might just be enough to get you in the right headspace ?
Thanks Lucca - I hear you and I have said exactly the same to others.
I know I will get out of this rut and the good thing I am now working constructively on the backyard - I feel that another day or two will get me back on track and annoying people here again
Hi Dave, we are all here for you, keep talking to us (virtual hug). I hope this is just a slight hiccup for you. I think there are a lot of good suggestions from folk here. I will say, I understand how you feel about medication. To me, for depression, and for my pain management, taking tablets felt like admitting defeat. Once I accepted the fact that I could simply use them as a tool to help myself move forwards, as thousands of other people do, and that it would improve my quality of life, I felt like less of a failure. Literally thousands of other people DO use them at some stage in their life. Depression is an illness. If you had a broken leg, would you refuse to let the docs put it in plaster and refuse painkillers? Doubtful. As someone once said to me, re depression AND arthritis... "Just because you can't SEE it, it doesn't mean that you don't need or deserve treatment to help you. Don't see having treatment as a weakness. See it as a means to get stronger."
I guess what I'm trying to say is...I hope this is a blip and that you will soon be back on track, but you know yourself best. Just be honest with yourself, and if you start to feel stuck in that downward cycle, don't leave it for too long before you get some help. If you happen to end up seeing the doc explain to him that you are not in the pits of despair yet, you have come to him before you reach that stage because you can feel it happening and have tried to change it without success. Ask, can he give a very small dose to see if that can tip the balance in the right direction please. (not being sexist here btw - does it show that I have a male doctor?!).
Personally, I am still on medication a good couple of years after I started this particular tablet (although I'd had tablets in the past too and gotten off them). I'm sharing this in case it's helpful in some way. It's low dose, I started with one whole tablet per day. As I felt better throughout the months, I tried reducing the dose. I went to one whole tab, then half a tab the next day, then whole, then half and so on, did that for a couple of months. Things went ok. Then I went down to half a tab every day and things started to go topsy-turvy again, husband and son noticed the change in me. So I went back up to whole, half, whole, half, and there I remain - for now. As I started to feel things slipping when I went to half a tab every day, I thought to myself, is it really worth going backwards for the sake of a tiny little tablet every day? I decided quality of life is of paramount importance to me. I don't feel totally numb to everything. I still laugh, and I still cry (don't worry here, only at things like sad films or other stuff like that!). So, don't be worried about being what I call "zombied out" (this happened to me after my son was born, had post natal depression and I functioned like a robot a lot of the time really). I was always a bit scatter-brained but I don't blame the tablets (well maybe sometimes when I do something REALLY daft lol, think of it this way - you have a brilliant excuse to get out of "doh" moments!).
Something I want to add, probably not in the right place from a text point of view, but it just occurred to me, was that when I was looking for some kind of justification as to why I needed these tablets, I found a documentary on depression made by the BBC. There were studies at the University of Manchester which showed brain scans, and there was an actual physical reduction of a part of the brain in depressed people, the percentage was about 25% reduction I think - you could actually SEE it on the scans. To me that was something tangible that I could throw in the face of a certain someone who had told me to "snap out of it" (I won't say who it is on here). The inner child was going, "Ner-nah-ner-nah", poking its tongue out at them and telling them to get stuffed as I quoted this physical evidence with my perfectly straight, adult face lollll! Anywayyyy....
I wish you all the very best Dave, keep talking to us, I hope the info was useful and not a textual lullaby (zzzzz snore lol). Take care mate x
I admire your tenacity and working on your medication until you got it right for yourself.
Over the years I have tried probably 5 different antidepressants, anything from prozac to aropax, varying doses but with no real success.
There are some theories around that a life of alcoholism may have altered the way in which my brain processes them and therefore makes it near impossible for them to work as intended.
I have no issue with the taking of them - God anything that can help is my motto, its just that I haven't found one that works for me.
I know that my weight is a big contributor to my depression so its somewhat of a vicious circle but I know iI will get there. My life has turned around a lot in the last 2 years and this is just another step in the right direction that I need to take
I'm delighted to see you Dave...you can see how much folk on here care...we'll keep you going as much as we can, just keep talking to us!
I understand the weight and depression link, same kind of circle for me unfortunately, although I appear to be on top of it at the moment, it could strike back at any time...but I think I'm ready for it (I hope! - puts on boxing gloves...). It sounds like your situation is more difficult than mine with regard to finding effective medication, so I have to give you a standing ovation for being strong enough to still tackle your weight issues in spite of everything. Thank you for being inspirational!
I read somewhere here about paying someone to do the yard, which I think is a great idea if it is an issue which is growing bigger. I don't know if it's the same for you, but if I start to think about something like that, it can grow to a massive guilt trip in my mind for not doing something about it, I dwell on it and then it makes my mood even lower. If you paid someone to get it done in one hit, it would get the issue out of the way, then you couldn't beat yourself up about it needing to be done, if that makes any sense at all?! All that said, you are clearly very strong and a better head space is probably just around the corner, so you might find yourself wanting to do it and being enthusiastic sooner than you know. Weigh it all up, if it's dragging you down, maybe just pay someone and get it out the way, one less thing to worry about.
Look forward to seeing you commenting/posting around here as much as you can, take care. x
I've not considered paying someone as I am living in a rented place and to me that would be just throwing money down the drain.
I guess it seems odd that I would put all this work in to a place ? I have been a couple years and enjoy adding my own touches to the place - gives me a sense of accomplishment and means that my rent is low and rarely gets increased
I guess its kind of my hobby and I enjoy doing it on the cheap - there is something about making something that was a weed filled eyesore into a lovely backyard for next to nothing gives me some pride
So relevant, I just found a perfect picture on the site of the counselling organisation which helped me. I have to put the link here and hope it works, I don't think I can really put it as a post on the forum as it's to do with mental wellness rather than weight? Hope I get this right...
EDIT: It didn't work, argh! Am I allowed to post it I wonder? I suppose they are linked for a lot of folk, mental wellness and weight issues...
Dave - mate - can add no more to what's been said, I agree totally with all the good advice, and that we all love and miss you round here. Try and keep posting whatever, dont go off radar, we all think about you and feel your pain. You've had a tough time, but I think now your being a little bit tough on yourself. Its only natural that if a person wants to give themselves some comfort, they will go for something that does that, be it smoking, drinking, overfeeding, or even over exercising. Don't be hard on yourself Dave, give Dave a break !
I dont have any experience of anti depressants personally. My friend who had a bad " backlash" about 6 months after her husband died, and the anti's seemed to get her over that bad phase. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel ? Just opening up seems to be the key sometimes.
Your so far away - but please feel the big hugs we would all give you if our collective arms were long enough.
keep in touch whatever you do and I hope this day finds you a little bit improved from yesterday.
life is not easy! if you start getting out there once a day you will feel better, listen to the nature sounds. listen to great music to lift your spirits. evening primrose and fish oil great for moods. try it.
Thanks Netty. I take huge amounts of fish oil and have done for almost 20 years now - I wasn't aware it could help with moods - good to know
Hi
One more thing (from a fellow depressive with weight issues who's been sitting in the middle of a room stripped of wallpaper and waiting to be painted for the past two weeks but I just can't make myself do it), the days are getting shorter. You have not been out much recently (from what I gather from the comments). Perhaps the magnesium is helping but you also need a good dose of sunshine? If so, the walk is not a reward, it's the cure, which you cannot afford not to take.
"from a fellow depressive with weight issues who's been sitting in the middle of a room stripped of wallpaper and waiting to be painted for the past two weeks but I just can't make myself do it"
That bought a huge smile to my face - you totally get where I am at!
Good advice about the sunshine and now that I have started to be more active in the backyard and getting that sorted I am definitely getting my share of rays...a few too many yesterday as it turns out
You're right and after some fairly major life changes in the last 2 years I guess I am just impatient to get the weight off. I want everything to happen now whereas in reality (and what I seem to tell newbies here ALL the time) is that it will take time and I just have to be patient.
Hope have a good day too dave1961 . I know where your coming from so keep on keeping on ...onwards and upwards that's our motto.ššššš.
Hi Dave, how are you feeling today hunny? Your post is already a couple of days old as I write this response to it and I am hoping you are managing to be on the winning side of this present episode of depression you are battling. Things can seem like unscalable walls sometimes and it is hard to see the wall as just a pile of neatly lined single bricks. That is precisely what it is though, a pile of bricks, and if each brick has a name ( backyard, walk, chocolate, etc..), then as a collective it is no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. Pick a brick in that wall and chip away the cement holding it in place until it works out, then pick another and do the same, then another...... before you know it, that wall will be so unstable that it'll just tumble down and you can clamber over it victorious.
One brick at a time, not trying to sledgehammer the whole wall in one go. You can do it Dave, you can do it hun. š
Fantastic analogy = you are so eloquent - I love it
And of course the backyard is a sort of metaphor for my battle with the weight at the moment - feeling a little overwhelmed by both of them.
BUT I did - as I mentioned - write my list and have been quite busy working away on the backyard. As it turned out I Have some 30 tasks and about 60 hours of work to do so its not surprising I would go to the backyard, chip away for a few minutes and then give up. I didn't realise it more because I just didn't know where to start or what order I had to do things.
But after 3 days I have ticked off every assigned task for the day so am feeling better about things definitely Thanks again - love having you around
Ah, Dave! Don't be beating yourself up so badly! I have depression to and it's easy for me to say, but I know it's tough. But discount those three days of bad eating, they've gone, no use dwelling. We all slip sometimes, it's a lapse but doesn't have to be a relapse!
Get back on it and when you set your goals make sure they are small and attainable! You will get there and am sure it will help you to start! I am like you, have put things off for years, they don't go away though and we always beat ourselves for not doing them sooner. So make a tiny start, actually you have as your contemplating it! Go do ten minutes tom and reward yourself with a walk.
In fact, I may print this out for me to remind myself! š
Funny isn't it? We are so great at giving advice to other people and terrible at taking our own advice for ourselves sometimes
COmforting to know there are others around who get the depression battle. I can't say I am feeling better bUT I have broken the backyard down into small tasks and am getting through the allocated amount each day so I know my mood will start to lift shortly.
Ps I think the anti depressants may help in a low dose. Have tried them all but I find fluoxetine the best, don't know if you've tried it? Go see your GP before it spirals, the good thing is your recognising it before it gets worse. That takes a lot of work and courage to say out loud! Good luck!š
I mentioned to a couple other people I have no issue with taking antidepressants and have tried about 5 different types - none of which have helped in small or large amounts. I'll get through it - I always do
I know I am late. But I have been thinking about you since you sent that post and could not sit down for an answer until today. Dave, I am so glad your outlook is so much more positive and you have now started to work on the backyard.
I just wanted to let you know that some of the things you have said to myself or others in the past have helped me tremendously on this journey. For example, when you said to somebody about binge eating that it was a mind game, and that she should say to herself "I will not die or starve if I do not eat this, but I WILL lose weight if I don't". Just this has helped me countless times since I have read it and I cannot thank you enough for this. I remember reading that thread because I could really relate to the person writing (who had issues with binge eating) and I was feeling totally powerless in front of my own cravings, but since then you have really empowered me to resist.
I just thought you might want to know that there are people out there who have overcome major crises just by reading your posts, to cheer you up a little. I just wish I could do more for you, honestly. Rooting for you here!!
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Not sure how this works
Extremely overweight, not sure where to start. 
I hate being a fatty.
