So Tuesday evening I went to see a different GP at my practice. The original GP was horrendous. There are many more adjectives I could use for him but then my post would not be permitted. I was so grateful that a friend had come with me or no one would have believed what the man said to me. Anyhoo it all boiled down to 'Hypochondriac' and 'Time waster'.
So yes, I admit I suffer with long term clinical depression and severe anxiety. I have done more or less continuously since I was eleven years old and my father killed himself. Also at eighteen years old I was attacked by a friend's dog who bite off a large chunk of my left cheek. So I was left disfigured and also developed agoraphobia for a while brought on by stares and comments from the public when I was out.
I did however turn it around as best as I could. I got married, I had surgery after two years, on my face so that although I have a scar overall my appearance was much better. I had children and lots of history. Same or similar story to all you good people on here. I lived and experienced life, often it was hard, sometimes good and occasionally wonderful.
Such a huge digression sorry please bear with.
So I have been feeling worse and worse and worse. I haven't even been able to post for a while now. I'm fatigue (well actually totally utterly Knackered). My anxiety is similar to the level of the Captain of the Titanic when he realises Yes that is an ICEBERG. My fibromyalgia is out of control, even my teeth hurt. And I will be truthful here. I have thought about suicide, I have thought about life quality and yes I am disgusted with myself before its said. I know I should be grateful to be alive. These thoughts though, they just jump into my head, its like I suddenly think about Chocolate, or a McDonalds. You see I'm not sitting here woe is me. There's a voice that whispers into my head and its never good.
So new GP. She seems Lovely. She didn't rush me and for all intents and purposes she seemed to be listening to me. She went through my blood test results (posted previously end of Sept) and explained them. I had not had T3 done nor Vitamin D because (apparently) the labs wont do them. Though she felt that my T4 at 15 and my TSH at 0.2 were good and if anything indicated I was perhaps more hyper then hypo?
I had a sub hysterectomy at age 41 which was in 2002. Both ovaries were left but also because of adhesions and endometriosis a part of my cervix was also left behind as it just could NOT be removed. My bladder was also found to be very damaged through the same and I had two catheters for six weeks after the operation.
She believes that ALL my symptoms appear to be down to the Menopause and not to do with Thyroid or similar issues. I have been reading information on Menopause after Hysterectomy. Apparently because I had a sub total hysterectomy I should have had at least a yearly blood test to check my hormone levels looking for oestrogen levels as I could have been suffering with silent ovarian failure. Never done of course, never even mentioned actually. After the hysterectomy I developed more endometriosis on one of my ovaries so I was given a monthly injection of an implant into my tummy which invoked a mini menopause to kill off the endometriosis. I was 42/43 at this point and it was horrendous but apparently worked. Around this time I was diagnosed with underactive thyroid. After this treatment I had gone up to 11stone (or more) I am 4ft 11" was utterly exhausted etc etc. I was on a LOW dose of thyroxine. I ended up going to Birmingham to see Dr Skinner who had my dosage increased and did try to liaise with my doctors back then. I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia just after this. I have had two operations for frozen shoulders, numerous operations for bladder and gynaecological reasons. I was sacked from my job. My partner of seven years left me. I ended up in hospital three times.
She is saying to me that if I use a HRT oestrogen only patch this will help. She also does not think that further investigation into my Thyroid and related issues will be the answer. If she is right then Fantastic how fabulous (You may be seeing I'm not 100% convinced) But do you know what. Also, if she is Right then that means I could have been Oestrogen Deficient for 10years or more possibly. If that is true then I have been put through Hell through nothing less then negligence and already I feel so so angry and that's not even been shown to be the case. I have now gained back two stone that I lost in 2013. I was down to eight stone four pounds when I moved to Thanet in Febuary 2013. Suddenly this year approx. eight months ago my weight just climbed and climbed. And my health got worse and worse. My last blood pressure reading was 200/186, my cholesterol is 7.6 and my weight is now ten stone. I am agreeing to the HRT patch because I am truly exhausted, weary and desperate. I am also scared. She does seem a lovely woman but I don't truly trust her or indeed any GP now. I am going to give this treatment a fair trail of up to three months. If things get worse or even just status quo then I will be in a stronger position to push for better in-depth blood tests and a referral.
I again apologise for the long winded story above. I would really appreciate hearing your opinions about this and perhaps if any of you ladies have had a similar experience. Perhaps there may be some of you that have had a positive outcome from HRT for the thyroid related symptoms as well.
ps. Symptoms: Unexplained weight gain, exhaustion, muscle and joint pain, tooth pain, hot flushes, insomnia, depression, anxiety, headaches, memory loss, lapse of concentration, palpitations, deep aching in the bones........................