Tragic Saturday

Feeling horribly deprived of late & everything that could go wrong was going sheer frustration, bought a packet of cigs & a bottle of scotch & got stuck into them. Now for the good news....After half a bottle of scotch & half a pack of cigs I felt crook. I had a crap taste in my mouth & I got no satisfaction or buzz from the smokes. Poured the remaining scotch out into the yard, crushed & binned the remaining cigs. It's hard to see any good from a major relapse but I'm pleased that it didn't satisfy my feeling of deprivation. It didn't improve all the bad things that were happening. All it did was make me feel ill (& a little stupid)

26 Replies

  • Hey Roneo, welcome to a sun shiny Sunday 8-)

    Please don't see yesterday as a tragic Saturday, see it as a learning curve and take from it the positivity of how you quickly regained control :-)

    In this whoe time of living a smokefree lifestyle, think about all the cigarettes you avent smoked rather than dwell on the ones you did yesterday.

    Don't beat yourself up over it, crack on now and chin up ;-)

  • Thanks for the encouragement EmJay.

  • Hi Roneo,

    Sorry to hear you had such a crap day and that loads of things went wrong. I can understand why you reached for the crutch that seemed to work so well in the past. It is really interesting though, and something I had noted on previous unsuccessful quit attempts, that when one tries to go back to ciggies thinking they'll make everything right, they simply don't work.

    In order to get any (illusory) pleasure at all from smoking, one needs to work at it. Just how daft can we be? Working to get addicted to something we all hate?

    The positive thing you can draw from yesterday is that you have learned that ciggies don't make it better and, as you say, they don't improve all the bad things that were happening and only succeed in making one feel ill (& a little stupid). I guess that is a lesson we can all benefit from!

    Thank you!

  • Thanks Chris. You're absolutely spot on. Nobody REALLY enjoys that first cigarette. One has to persevere until the nicotine addiction kicks in before they get anything out of it. I think the only positive reaction was the initial relief of responding to that nagging desire. After the first couple of puffs, the only sensation was the AWFUL taste it left in my mouth. No buzz or aaahh feeling a smoker gets when quietening ole nic's demand to be fed. Once it has been out of your system for a while it looses its effect.

  • 'Working to get addicted to something we all hate' Powerful!..I worked really hard!!

  • Hi Roneo, I honestly think that most of us have had that deprived feeling when giving up the smokes because we see it as something we are giving up and therefore depriving ourselves off :( it is understandable that you gave up 2 things at once and felt twice as deprived :( unfortunately you have now learned that not to be true :) you are now back in control and you CAN do this, we learn from mistakes and get stronger :)

    Well done for getting straight back on the quit journey, that takes COURAGE :) x

  • Thanks for your encouragement Briarwood. Unfortunately it doesn't end with drinking & smoking. I have recently discovered that the anti inflammatory medication I have taken daily for over 10 years for osteoarthritis can increase the risk of stroke by 60% & may also be contributing to hypertension. So I've taken myself off that & I'm about to embark on a weight loss regime to shed the weight I put on since quitting. So feeling deprived is expected. The crazy thing is, I'm choosing to. No-one is twisting my arm up my back. I live on my own & am under no external pressure to quit either. With any luck, by quitting again so soon I may not have to go through nicotine withdrawal all over again. (If I do, it will serve me right). So far so good.

  • Hmmmm glad I know anti- inflammatories increase stroke by 60%....... Stroke is the reason I quit smoking...... Won't be using those!!

    Thanks for the info

  • Hi Roneo, I'm sorry you had such an awful day :(

    I gave up for a year and went back on them, its taken me 8 years to give up again. You have had the courage to come on here and tell us and unlike me, you have the courage to get straight back on, well done you :)


  • Well droopyJ it sounds like we have had similar experiences. I quit in 1978 & stayed off them for 15 years before starting again. (Yeh! I know what you're all saying to yourselves......what an idiot!) After 15 years, I wasn't hankering for a cigarette but I still remembered how I once "enjoyed" them. I think it's that nostalgia.......remembering "the good ole days". We conveniently overlook the negatives & remember only the positive emotions. That is, & will continue to be my greatest concern. I know I can quit, I just don't know what will happen in a year's time or 2,5,10 years as all the motivations for quitting are forgotten & all that's left is the lie that smoking is enjoyable.

  • its like wanting a wagon wheel....I used to love them (well I thought I did) they look good but taste revolting now..... (although obviously don't have the same health issues as a ciggie)

    It makes no difference whether you start again after a year or 15 years..... we can be just as daft :o

    Don't think about in a years time , just think about the here and now, you have done it before so you know you can do it again :)

    Besides they'll probably be banned completely by then anyway... so you might just as well get ahead of the game and give up now ;) :)

  • Tis true about the wagon wheels!!! :O)

  • 1st, Roneo, I assure you that I will not be shamelessly flirting with you :P :D :D :D

    2nd, Thank you for being honest with us, cos I know that takes guts pal :)

    3rd, You are no idiot !! you are just a human being like the rest of us, and we all make mistakes dont we :o plus your a bloke like me, and thats what we are good at eh :D :D :D

    4th, I admire you for getting back to your quit so quickly and dumping the half bottle of scotch and the half pack of fags, I take my hat off to you Roneo, I doo :) :)

    5th, You know what you want in life dont you, thats to be smoke free, so pull your flippin finger out and DO it pal :)

    Lastly, The last time I relapsed, I got told off good and proper for not coming on here and asking for help :o sooooo, am flippin giving you some TELLING OFF now pal, next time you flippin feel down and out, you come on here and shout for help seeeeee :) you flippin got that you man you :D :D :D

    Hope to speak soon pal, take care now :)

    Pete :)

    PS, sorry, no flippin kisses ok :P :D :D

  • I come on here expecting a cuddle & some shameless flirting & all I get is told off! Thanks Pete, you're absolutely right. I allowed the black dog to get the better of me over about a week. It's amazing how a number of unrelated setbacks can pull you down. Even more amazing that when in a depressed state, smoking is the obvious solution. I'm really grateful that I have been able to get back on track so seamlessly. Thanks again for the encouragement (& the censure)

  • Hi Roneo,

    I'm not going to flirt or offer you a cuddle but I can offer a chaste electronic man hug - if that will help. :)

    I hope you are managing to get over your setbacks and you've confirmed that booze and ciggies don't help. We're on your side - even when it's Monky's tough love!

  • It's kinda what I've suspected for a while,we think that the cigs make a bad day better or a good day better or a drink with mates better (you get my drift) but in reality they don't at all.It's our memories playing tricks with us because we associate smoking with good times when really it's the TIMES that were good and the cigs did NOTHING to make that better.

    Roneo,I'm so very very sorry that you had a bit of a stumble & truly admire you for picking yourself up and starting again.You've already proved you can do this so just keep trying and I KNOW you'll get there.



  • Nice one H :) Very well put :) :) xx

  • Thanks H, I needed that hug. Monky has decided to withhold his affection.

  • Thanx young Pete x H

  • Thank you for your honesty roneo,It takes courage.I have found that nothing on the outside ever fixed the inside although I have tried many times to do this and failed. When the trials of my life hit hard, I try and get into the solution rather than the problem,see where I can contribute and Never ever make it about me.If I do then I get upset and then I am part of the problem too. Many years ago I tried to always to run away from problems and that made things worse and me worse.I stopped the outside fixes,the latest being fags and with a clearer mind have re educated my thinking. Problems now are just learning curves and good times are periods of gratitude. With all the trouble I have been through in life,I am still alive and gratefull for all that I have had the privilege to learn. Nothing is wasted with the right frame of mind.Keep at it and thank you-Ray

  • I tend to agree that the solution to our problems is within ourselves - but that doesn't mean we have to solve all our problems alone. Sometimes it is important to seek help and even to share the pain we are in.

    Men, in particular, are often wary about seeking help. It isn't a sign of weakness, it is a sign of maturity and self-awareness to know when others can make your life easier.

    But I guess I'm preaching to the converted because we are all seeking help on here to beat Mr Nic, aren't we?

  • Absolutely,I can't -We can.A thread of cotton is weaker than a thousand that ,together make a strong rope.I'm all into sharing that's why I submitted my post.Just sharing my experience that's all. Thanks

  • Quite right - our ability to solve problems is often something to do with the mindset with which we approach them. I think we are in agreement. :)

  • I enjoyed reading that Ray, thanks. I aspire for it to become more natural to get into the solution and see where I can contribute and NOT MAKE IT ABOUT ME! (smiling at myself!!) Funny ole' creatures aren't we!?! In the mix of a learning curve now and there's gratitude for that aswell as walking a tightrope in the unknown. I'm glad for it but it's not the version I write in my head! One thing is clear; Together We Can. Go well & keep posting, really helped

  • Hope it wasn't good scotch! But good job coming back to the club.

  • I remember someone saying to me after a relapse,'that's the norm iris'. I understand what she mean't today that abstinence isn't the norm for an addict and that's why it's such a courageous act. This relapse can be of use to you & others, sounds mad but down the line in abstinence the lesson kicks in. We get to look ourselves in a truer light. Well done for putting the stuff down, question is; what tools to pick up that canhelp you live life on life's terms? That's the hardest part for me but today I acknowledge nothing external has the power to start me smoking again if I don't give it that power...that's a work in progress by the way!!! Go well

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